3/30 Instance: Cold Feet Already

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Starfish
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3/30 Instance: Cold Feet Already

Post by Starfish »

Timeline: Current



rachel: Rachel slipped into her room and tossed her things down, taking a quick glance at the clock and cringing. Okay, late and homework still needed to be done. Somehow she had the feeling she'd be failing something tomorrow or falling asleep in class. Sighing, she went to grab some pajamas and change in the bathroom.

Josh: Josh was waiting on her bed, cross-legged with a textbook propped open in his lap. He smiled when he saw her come in. "You know, you're a pretty lousy telepath if you haven't noticed me yet," he teased.

rachel: "Good thing I never claim to be an amazing telepath, then," she replied as she sat down next to him, resting her chin on his shoulder and peering down at the book. "Comfortable clothing was just more appealing when I came in."

Josh: "Glad to know you'll never forsake the laundry for my sake." He turned his head and planted a kiss on her cheek. "So, what have you been up to?"

rachel: Rachel gave a small shrug, "The same thing I do every night. Work."

Josh: Josh nodded. "But then you get to come home to me, so it can't be all that bad."

rachel: "Except you usually don't wait in my bedroom for me, which makes me wonder what you want," she glanced up at him, raising an eyebrow.

Josh: "What do you think?" he asked with a crooked grin. "Kidding. Actually... I just wanted to talk. Even though I can now honestly say you're my fiancee, it seems like we're too busy to really chat with each other lately."

rachel: "That was my first thought," Rachel poked her tongue out. "Yeah, busy. I wish I wasn't. It kills my hopes and dreams of being a bum. What'd you wanna talk about?"

Josh: "Your dreamlife of bumming the streets of Westchester needs to be tossed to the wayside anyway," Josh laughed, settling back on his elbows. "No wife of mine is going to live in a carboard box."

rachel: "Pfft, I planned on bumming off you, which is sounding like a good idea since you don't plan on letting me live in a box. Though, it'd be way cheaper than an apartment."

Josh: "Cheaper or not, we can't raise the young'uns in a box," Josh said. "Unless we expand the box, and add adjacent apartments. And that's only if we can find enough boxes. In times like these, everything is hoarded..."

rachel: Rachel's eyebrow raised again, "Who said anything about young'uns?"

Josh: Josh's smile faded just a little. "I'm kidding. If the hypothetical children ever asked us why we've got 'HANDLE WITH CARE' written on our walls, we can just tell them 'Well, the housing market is just in the pits these days...'"

rachel: She shook her head and grabbed his textbook, making sure to mark the spot before she tossed it on the floor and took its place in his lap, "Heh, yeah. We'd also be screwed if it rained."

Josh: "'Mommy, the roof's melting!'" Josh mimicked, flailing his arms around. He put his arms around her as she climbed into his lap and rested his chin on her shoulder. "So... you're really certain about the kid thing?"

rachel: Rachel resisted the urge to cringe and nodded, "Well, yeah. Why?"

Josh: "You don't think it would be fun at all?" he pressed on, absently fiddling with her hair. "Not right away or anything. Sometime when we're way more settled. You don't think you'll change your mind?"

rachel: "If fun is supposed to be painful," she muttered, chewing on her lip for a moment, "I don't know. I haven't changed my mind so far."

Josh: "We don't need to have a lot. I'm not looking to start the Foley brood or anything. And I'm not interested in doing anything about it until I'm a lot more mature. But think about it... just one kid. Boy or girl, it doesn't matter. Maybe his - or her - mutation won't even be obvious. Then we can go to Little League games, and erupt paper mache volcanos, and do all the things we wish our parents would have done..."

rachel: "Even if I do change my mind, I doubt I'd want a brood. The idea of suffering for nine months a few times isn't appealing," Rachel made a face. "I don't care whether it had an obvious mutation or not. Be easier if it didn't, but I don't want to give some kid my powers either."

rachel: "I don't want to end up being like my parents, and I don't have to worry about it if I don't have a child," she said quietly.

Josh: "Geez, you're killing me with your optimism," Josh deadpanned. "How do you know it'll turn out badly? Raising a kid doesn't have to mean reliving a nightmare. It could... it could stabilize us."

rachel: "Who said it'd be reliving a nightmare? It could be a brand new one. And, I don't know that it'll turn out badly. I just know that I don't want to be like my parents, and I don't want some kid being as fucked up as I am." This was not a conversation she wanted to be having after work. Hell, she could live without having this conversation for another two years.

rachel: "What make you think we're not stable? And, if we aren't..." Rachel shifted slightly to get a better look at his face, "...then why are we even getting married?"

Josh: "I just think you're making your judgments too quickly," Josh countered. "We're not our folks. We've been through a hell of a lot more and if a kid needs anything, it's parents with backbone. There's no way you'd be a bad mom."

Josh: He pulled away from her. "I don't mean we aren't stable, as a couple. But you can't say either of us have the healthiest outlook either. I feel like..." Pressing his face into her pillow, he let his shoulders droop as he sighed. "I feel like the last time I was really happy, it was when I was too little to know what kind of bad things could happen. A kid's cheer can be infectious. And I thought we're getting married because we're in love and want to take it to the next level together. Being a family. Rae, after we're married, do you see our lives being much different than they are now?"

rachel: "You don't know if I'd be a good mother either though," she shook her head, slightly disappointed that he'd let her go, "Well, of course neither of us has the best outlook. Why would we with everything we've been through. I just... I don't know how to deal with or take care of a child. I've never had to."

rachel: "I do love you, Josh, and I think I kinda suck at showing that. But, I can't imagine getting married to anyone else I've been, and there doesn't have to be children for there to be a family." She shrugged, "Not really. I just imagine I'd want to strangle you more often because I'd have to live with you."

Josh: "You don't suck at it," he mumbled, thinking that was an accusation he deserved far more himself. The haphazard way he'd proposed would go down in history as the Least Romantic and Thought-Out Proposal Ever. "I appreciate that," he said while making a mental note to get rid of everything he had that could be used as a tool for strangulation, "but I guess I can't help thinking farther into the future. Maybe a kid isn't needed in a family, but not trying because we're scared of what would happen is no good either." He didn't know why he was talking in circles, struggling just to say what was already obvious: I want kids.

rachel: "Oh, please. I do suck at it. I mean, when have I ever made you breakfast or anything?" Rachel glanced over at him and added, "Not that you'd want me to cook for you since that'd likely result in death."

rachel: "And, I don't see the point in trying if I don't even want children in the first place. I'm more worried about making it through the whole wedding thing first."

Josh: "Look, that's just silly. I don't need you to bring me a platter of heart-shaped pancakes for breakfast in bed in order to know you love me. In fact, I'd be scared if you tried, unless they were shaped like skulls or something, or covered in tabasco sauce."

Josh: He readjusted his position on the mattress. "Well, that's a problem then, isn't it," he said through tight lips. "I do want kids, eventually, and... maybe we really haven't thought this marriage thing through enough."

rachel: "Maybe you should've thought about that before you proposed," she muttered, glancing over at the clock and rolling her eyes.

Josh: He scowled at her and turned away. Can't deny that much. "Well, I thought... It became more important to me once it was definite that we were going to get married. And I thought that if I was starting to feel differently, maybe you were too."

rachel: "Well, I'm not, but I'll be sure to inform you if I ever do." Rachel rolled over and got up, moving to plop down in the chair at the desk. If she was going to be kept awake, she could at least try to accomplish something. It also might give her reason to ignore whatever he was going to say next.

Josh: "Don't joke around," Josh said as she got up. He followed her with his eyes as she took a seat at the desk. "Are you listening? I think we really need to talk about this, and other stuff, if we're serious about this marriage thing."

rachel: "I wasn't joking. I'm also listening because I'm just so excited to hear what we have to discuss other than this children issue. I have difficulty completely ignoring you would be the other reason," she hit the power button on the laptop.

Josh: Trying not to sound upset was getting harder. "Do you want to get married and not have talked about these things, and then after the honeymoon look at each other and go, 'Oh, you want to live in San Fransisco? I was thinking some tiny village in Maine...’"

rachel: "I like New York, but I'm guessing that's not the point you're trying to make," Rachel snuck a quick glance at him. Apparently, she wasn't hiding her irritation very well. Though, it was late... who would be good at it? "It's not like we're getting married anytime soon either. There's plenty of time to discuss things, but since you want to get it over with... start talking."

Josh: Josh sat up, crossed his legs and folded his arms, hoping he looked appropriately serious. "Fine. To start with, how do you envision us living twenty years from now?"

rachel: "I'd hope we'd actually be alive as opposed to living six feet under for starters."

Josh: He threw his arms up in the air. "This is your idea of serious!?"

rachel: "With you flailing like that, it's hard to be serious, but yes."

Josh: "Then let me rephrase. Assuming we're still alive and in roughly the same condition as we are now in twenty years, how do you picture our lives? What do you want to be doing?"

rachel: "I dunno. I guess we wouldn't be living here anymore, and I'd hope by then I'd be a decent tattoo artist. I could also go without being a waitress for the rest of my life. What about you?"

Josh: "I dunno," he admitted. "I'll still be gold, and who knows how that will limit my future. But I don't care what kind of job I have. If I can involve healing, that'll be good. And maybe I can join a music group on the side, you know, the kind that plays whatever kind of alternative music isn't really popular except among a few and does gigs at coffeehouses for former hippies and college kids..." He gave her a small smile. "I'm sure you won't have to be a waitress forever."

rachel: She shrugged, "I'm guessing you'd be pretty limited since there's the registration act... unless you plan on registering."

Josh: "Now there's a subject I don't want to think about," he sighed. "Okay. So we could live together doing what we like. I mean, assuming we make enough to live on. Would we be doing the same thing, day in, day out? Would we be able to take care of any - potential - kids? Our relationships with our families aren't great right now. Should we try to... iron things out before getting hitched?" He added the last one mostly for himself, and he couldn't imagine talking to his parents about anything important. It hurt too much even to think about them.

rachel: "Now you know how I feel about the children subject," Rachel mumbled, eyes flicking over the screen of the computer as she mulled over what he'd said. "Tattoos don't involve much more than drawing and sticking people with needles everyday, so I can't imagine it'd change much from day to day. As for children... there's always you if you end up not being able to do much, and assuming we have the money hiring someone."

rachel: "I talked to my parents and told them to deal with it or fuck off. They're dealing right now, but we'll see how long that lasts," she chewed on her lip, looked back over at him, and asked softly, "Have you even told your family yet?"

Josh: He shrugged. The idea of "not being able to do much" didn't sit well ith him. "No," he admitted. "I don't know how to approach them. Especially Justin. I guess that's what really got me thinking, and it lead into all this..."

rachel: Rachel was tempted to tell him to go ask Bobby and Lorna what to do about it, but she doubted he'd be pleased with that response. Or that he'd actually do it since family was all touchy with him. "So you had to start all this with the one thing I'd hate to talk about above all else?" she rolled her eyes. "Just call or whatever, tell them you have news, spit it out, and be done with it."

Josh: "I didn't bring up the kid thing just to piss you off," he shot back, tired and frustrated. "It's something I really don't want to just chuck off the map. And I'm not asking for help telling my parents either. I just meant it got me thinking about how big a step this is, and with so many issues maybe we aren't ready!"

rachel: "I never said you did. I just said it's the one thing I wouldn't want to discuss," she snapped, "And, if you want to cut back on some issues, why don't you just get telling your parents over with? What's the worst they're going to do about it, Josh? They've already practically disowned you for something you can't help. Maybe you'd be better off without them."

Josh: "Stop talking like you know anything about!" He shoved himself off the bed and stood, glaring at her. "You don't just dump your parents! Even if they're a pair of dumbasses!"

rachel: "I might know something if you'd actually talk about it. Why don't you since you seem to want to talk about things tonight?" Rachel matched his glare.

Josh: "It's completely different," he replied testily. "What goes on between my family and me concerns us. It's not your problem."

rachel: "Oh, so I'm not family even though you were going on about how we are earlier? That's bullshit."

Josh: "You are family," he groaned, "but you barely know my brother. You've never met my parents."

rachel: "So? You barely know my parents, and you still know all the issues I have with them. If I had a sibling, and your brother makes me glad I don't, you'd probably know all about that, too," Rachel shook her head, "Also, I'm pretty sure it becomes my problem when it starts affecting our relationship."

Josh: "It's not affecting our relationship more than anything else we've talked about! And as for those other things, at least they pertain to our future. The future we're going to share. This is about past mistakes, things that don't have anything to do with how I feel about you."

rachel: "No, those past mistakes are just kinda a part of what makes you who you are. Not important at all," she rolled her eyes, vaguely considering the fact that sarcasm probably wasn't going to help the situation. "And, it's not affecting anything yet. I'd like to keep it that way, which is kinda hard when you won't talk about it at all."

rachel: "I don't know how you can be so attached to people that have issues with how you look or what you can do. I mean, you heal people... what's so bad about that?"

Josh: He just about exploded. "Rachel, we're getting married! Of course it affects us! I don't know if I want to face a life where I can't even think about raising my own family!"

Josh: He hadn't meant for that to come out as harshly as it did. Dropping his eyes to his feet, he paused a minute and then mumbled, "I don't know. I don't know hy it matters. It just does. I'm tired of always feeling out of place."

rachel: Rachel pushed herself out of the chair and crossed the room, hesitantly reaching out to run her fingers along his jaw, "Everyone here works like a family. It's not exactly the same, but you wouldn't be out of place. If you want to keep messing with your family though, go ahead. I just don't want to see you hurt anymore because of it..."

rachel: And..." she sighed. Saying this was slightly painful because it meant she'd have to follow through with it, "I... I guess I can think about the whole children thing. Just don't expect my opinion to change anytime soon."

Josh: He found himself melting into her touch, surprised to note how low his spirit had fallen. "I know," he said, making an effort not to sound so miserable. "I'm... sorry. I don't mean to take all this out on you."

Josh: He was grateful to her for saying she'd think about having children. He was more grateful that she hadn't said she'd be okay with it just because she loved him, and wished he hadn't pushed her - or made it seem like he was pushing. It was her decision, and he hadn't meant to go ballistic about it. "Thanks. I know. You'll think about it and make the best decision. I'll respect that, I promise." A smile tugged at his lips. He grazed her forehead with a kiss. "I'm marrying a strong woman."

rachel: "I'd feel bad for whoever else you'd decide to take it all out on." She managed a small grin, "Do we really have to go through how I'm not that strong, I just seem like it tonight, or can we go to sleep now? I'm tired, and I have to get up for work in the morning. ...I suppose I could also call in sick, and we could sleep in... which is sounding kinda nice, too..."

Josh: "You should call in sick," he said. "We can sleep all day. Pretend the world doesn't even exist."

rachel: "Let's get started on that, then..." Rachel pulled away from him and flopped down the on the bed, taking her pillow before Josh could claim it.

[Edited on 30-3-09 by Starfish]
"The secondary penis slides into view. And they all lived happily ever after."
Kieron Gillen
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