3/28 Instance: Ready to Try

[Starfish]

Timeline: After the fic "Drawing it Out".


Pietro: Pietro sat hunched over a sketchbook in the art room. It was cold in there but he didn't feel it so it didn't bother him much. He had the window beside him wide open and was focused on drawing to the exclusion of everything else.

Cessily: Cessily slowly pushed open the door to the art room and poked her head inside. A small smile appeared on her face when she saw Pietro sit by the window. "Hey there," she said, stepping into the room. "I've been looking everywhere for you."

Pietro: Pietro gave a shout of surprise and nearly fell off his chair. "Uh... Hi..." he frowned at the drawing which now had a line all the way through it that wasn't supposed to be there. He took the page out, screwed it up and started again.

Cessily: "Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you." Cessily closed the door and walked over to Pietro's place. "Aren't you feeling a little chilly in here? It's not very warm today."

Pietro: He shook his head, "Don't get cold..." his hand didn't stop moving on the page but he did glance up to make sure Cess wasn't able to see the paper.

Cessily: "Oh good," Cessily said, pulling up a chair to sit down. "Looks like we got that in common then. So, I'm not intruding or anything, am I?"

Pietro: He shook his head, "No not really... I'm not doing stuff for school..." he frowned, switching pencils. "Were you looking for me?"

Cessily: Cessily paused for a moment, before she nodded. "Yeah, I've heard from some of the others that you're really upset about something," she said. "So, I thought I should maybe check on you, and see if you're alright."

Pietro: His frowned deepened, "Oh..." he swapped pencils again, "I'm okay." He lied.

Cessily: "Are you sure?" Cessily crossed her legs and straightened her trousers. "You know you can talk to me about anything, if you feel like doing so. That's my job as counselor, after all."

Pietro: He sighed, pausing long enough to glance at her, "I'm... dealing with it..." he went back to drawing. "Finally..." he added.

Cessily: Cessily showed Pietro a small smile when he was finally looking up at her for a brief moment. "You mean it's something that's been troubling you for a while already?"

Pietro: He shook his head, "More something I was reminded I didn't deal with yet..." he turned the page to start a new drawing.

Cessily: Cessily nodded slowly, pausing for a few seconds. "Would you like to tell me about it," she asked, slightly cocking her head.

Pietro: Pietro paused too, debating. He sighed, "Kraven." He muttered, going back to drawing.

Cessily: Cessily raised her eyebrows when she heard that name. "Oh," she began, not having expected Pietro's response. "What about him?"

Pietro: "Everything...." Pietro frowned, closing the sketchbook and pushing it away.

Cessily: Cessily sucked on her lower lip and folded her hands in her lap. "I have no doubt that most of us still feel very upset and shocked about what he has done," she said. "So, is it because we haven't caught him yet?"

Pietro: "No it's because of the stupid stuff in the corn maze..." he scrubbed his face with his hands, "It brought it all back."

Cessily: A frown appeared on Cessily's face as she ran a hand through her hair. "Oh my, I guess that makes sense. From what I heard, those Halloween scares have been a little unfortunate, to say the least."

Pietro: "Everything in that place was so much like what he'd done... I tried, I really did, I wanted it to be just halloween fun but..." he shook his head, "I got seperated from Illyana...>"

Cessily: "So you weren't only on your own, but also worried for her safety," Cessily concluded, keeping her voice calm.

Pietro: He nodded, "And when we got to the end and it was all shown to be just a joke or whatever... I didn't feel relieved and I definately didn't find it funny."

Cessily: Cessily gave Pietro a kind look, then slowly nodded. "I'm sure the people who did that only meant it as a well intentioned scare for Halloween. Still it was a very unlucky coincidence that all of it happened to remind you so much of something bad that happened before."

Pietro: "Yeah... well.... now I'm at least trying to deal with it... There wasn't really a chance back when it happened...."

Cessily: "That's a good thing," Cessily commented, a smile on her lips. "That you're starting to deal with it, I mean; not that you had to bottle this up the entire time."

Pietro: "I didn't realise I was...." he sighed, running a hand through his hair, actually turning in his seat now to face Cess properly, "I thought I'd dealt with it.... or at least that it wasn't bothering me anymore..."

Cessily: "Yeah, I've heard that's very often the case with people who went through something traumatizing," Cessily told him. "We may believe it's not troubling them, and even convince ourselves that the problem is dealt with, but our subconsciousness knows better. It's not easily fooled."

Pietro: "I figured.... with everything that happened afterwards... which was so much worse... it was just done with..." He leaned against the table, "I don't like this, Cess..."

Cessily: "Yeah, I believe we all just tried to deal with all the things that happened here the best way we could," Cessily replied. "What else were we supposed to do, after all? All those bad things were forced on us pretty quickly."

Pietro: "Yeah.... and after everything I did, you'd think this stuff wouldn't get to me anymore.... but I guess I should have realised it would - it got to my dad..."

Cessily: Cessily leaned forward in her chair. "Do you feel scared it might affect you the same way as him?"

Pietro: He shook his head, "I don't know... we're so alike, Cess... I've fought it for most of my life... I hated that we had so much in common... And look at me now... I'm doing exactly what he was at my age. I did a great job of not being anything like him, didn't I?"

Cessily: "Well, at your age, you really can't blame yourself for being overwhelmed by events that would scare even trained veterans," Cessily told him, smiling. "Insecurities make us feel vulnerable, that's why try to deal with them as best as possible."

Cessily: "But you have an edge that you father didn't have," she continued. "You know what became of him, and are determined to not go the same way."

Pietro: He shook his head, "He didn't want to end up how he did either... but it happened all the same.... and he hated himself for it..."

Cessily: "Maybe you can learn where we went wrong, and then take another path," Cessily suggested. "Besides, you've also got friends to ensure you don't stray into a bad direction."

Pietro: "He had a wife and son and that didn't stop him...." he put his face in his hands, "I must be insane starting all of this stuff again...."

Cessily: "No, you're not insane," Cessily assured him, smiling again. "In fact, it would be more troubling if you were completely unfazed by all that happened to us and this place. Knowing that something troubles you is the first step to cope with it."

Pietro: "It's not that... I keep worrying I'm going to end up like him but it won't make me stop doing this stuff. I'm doing exactly what he would in this situation. It doesn't seem to matter that I have things in common with my mom, it doesn't help change anything at all."

Cessily: "I know you're scared that this might happen, and perhaps it appears unavoidable for you at the moment, but you'll never let that happen." She smiled again. "You're underestimating your own resolve."

Pietro: "I'm working on previous experience." Pietro reminded her, "Everything I do to not be like him somehow ends up with me doing exactly the same thing he would anyway. It doesn't matter. I may as well just go and hand myself in for crimes yet to be committed."

Cessily: "You can't know that," Cessily said. "And I don't believe in self-fulfilling prophecies."

Pietro: "Well look at me, Cess. What have I done to prove I can avoid any of this so far?"

Cessily: Cessily contemplated that for a moment, before she gave him a smile. "You decided to open up and talk to me about your problems for one."

Pietro: "Who's to say he didn't used to do that? Cess... I don't do this... it's not normal for me. I don't talk to people about what's bothering me. I prefer it that way..."

Cessily: "You're convinced that everything you do will somehow end up being the wrong decision," Cessily stated. "That's not surprising, considering your situation. You're too involved with all of it at the moment, so it's hard to take a neutral look at things."

Pietro: "Somehow I always screw up. I try and try and I still manage to fail... I keep away from everyone else because I don't want to make it worse. I want it to work with Illyana but I can already see myself pushing her away without meaning to..."

Cessily: Cessily gave him an understanding nod. "Well, in that case, I'd say the best thing you could do is tell her what you told me," she suggested. "If you want her to understand your situation, you have to show her how it looks inside of you."

Pietro: "But how am I supposed to do that without upsetting her? ... You didn't see her face when I told her what my father made me do..."

Cessily: Cessily bit her lower lip. "I'm afraid there's probably no guaranteed way to do that. But if she's been that upset about what your father did, then she'll understand your need to not end up being like him."

Pietro: "She knows I don't want to be... but I know she's afraid it'll happen as much as I am. And she wants to help but... I can't talk to her about it because I don't want to frighten her..."

Cessily: "Then you'll have to careful that she doesn't start to believe you don't talk to her because you don't trust her," Cessil advised.

Pietro: He made a sound of frustration and slumped forwards to put his face in his hands. Life was so complicated.

Cessily: Cessily reached out to gently touch his shoulder. "I know all of this appears to be incredibly hard and hopeless right now, but I'm convinced you're on the right track."

Pietro: He sighed, turning his head to look at her, "I really hope I don't prove you wrong."

Cessily: "I'll do my best to make sure that won't happen," Cessily told him, showing him a reassuring smile. "That's why I think it would be best if you saw me every now and then. If you like to, of course. Just to chat and see how you're feeling."

Pietro: He sighed, "I'll try.... but I'm not promising anything... I'm trying another.... thing right now to help.... I want to see how that goes...."

Cessily: "That's good," Cessily said, giving a firm nod. "Getting proactive to do something is definitely better than waiting until things get better by themselves."

Pietro: "Yeah.... I was going to talk to Emma... but I ended up talking to Heather... which amazingly helped because she's as bad as me when it comes to getting close to people."

Cessily: Cessily chuckled. "Well, for some reason that makes sense, I guess. A lot of people who are reluctant about social situations are so for the same reasons, so they might discover they actually have a lot in common if they decide to get to know each other."

Pietro: "Yeah but getting them to do that is the hard part," he managed a smile, "I think that's probably the first time Heather actually volunteered coversation since I've known her."

Cessily: Cessily smiled. "Well, I'd say that's a wonderful thing, and you should be thankful for the opportunity to better get to know someone.." She shrugged. "You might find friends where you never expected them. Who knows, maybe one day you'll find out that you've got a lot in common with Selene."

Pietro: Pietro stared at her, "If that day ever comes it will herald the apocalypse."

Cessily: Cessily laughed. "Okay, maybe you really should start looking for help with other people first," she agreed.

Pietro: He turned back to his sketchbook, "In the mean time... I'll just try Heather's idea...."

Cessily: "Oh, and what did she suggest," Cessily asked, tilting her head as she glanced towards Pietro's sketchbook. "Drawing?"

Pietro: He nodded, "My father kept diaries... and she told me she does too... but since I spend a lot of my time drawing or painting... she thought maybe drawing would help me confront it better..."

Cessily: "I think that's a wonderful idea," Cessily said, smiling at Pietro. "You should definitely keep that up. A lot of creative things can help you cope with a situation."

Pietro: "Yeah... and I have to hope I can find somewhere to keep this.... because no one wants to see what's in there..." he pulled the book towards him again.

Cessily: Cessily nodded, reaching out to give Pietro's shoulder a gentle squeeze as she got up from her chair. "That's okay," she said. "Everyone is entitled to keep secrets. I believe it's beneficial to have something you can entrust with the things you wouldn't tell anyone else."

Pietro: "Hopefully...." he glanced at her as she got up, "Thanks Cess..."

Cessily: "Anytime," Cessily replied, showing him another smile. "You know you can come see me whenever you feel like."

Pietro: "I do... and I will... when I'm ready."

Cessily: Cessily gave a nod. "That's all I ask for," she said, before leaving Pietro alone with his thoughts again.

Pietro: Pietro sighed and opened up his sketchbook again, bars and a blinking light slowly forming across the page. Yeah... this was going to take a while.