Lorna: Lorna held Ripley, still passed out to the world, to Rachel. "Come on Rae-Rae, you know you wanna. Hold the baby." Lorna Dane-Drake was not above tormenting people with her baby. This was part of the joy of having one.
Bobby: "You better just do it. Trust me." From his own spot on the tribbles, Bobby nodded solemnly.
Rachel: Not entirely sure how she'd been talked into this, Rachel shifted awkwardly at the baby being held out to her, trying not to look overly pained. While she was all for seeing the baby, she hadn't thought touching it was part of the deal. "...I don't... But..." she sighed heavily at Bobby's advice, reluctantly holding out her arms.
Paige: Paige shifted her weight impatiently, watching Rachel with the baby. She wanted to hold the baaaaaaby! She glanced between Bobby and Lorna, then back to Rachel.
Lorna: "Heeeeeere comes Ripley!" Lorna chuckled, passing her on into Rachel's hands, making sure everything was supported just so. "Full warning, diaper ripeness can happen any time."
Bobby: "And we do mean any time. Sometimes with explosions." Bobby nodded again. He was so tired he was loopy, so his nods resembled a bobblehead.
Rachel: Rachel pulled a slight face at the warnings, holding the baby as far away from her body as possible while still supporting her head. "...I don't think I'm doing this right."
Paige: "You aren't. Hold her closer to you, Rachie." Paige was already impatient. Give her the baby already!
Rachel: "But..." she stared down at the bundle before glancing to Paige, "What if she explodes?"
Paige: "You are killing me here, Rachel!"
Lorna: "We're talking diaper ripping Michael Bay movie here." Lorna chuckled more than she should, adding jazz hands into the mix. "Don't worry, you'll smell something happening."
Rachel: "I'm not doing anything though!" Rachel protested, pretty sure she looked incredibly pained at holding the baby closer. What if she dropped it or something?
Bobby: "I think Paige wants you to cuddle her and break into song, Sunshine."
Lorna: "...I would absolutely pay to see that."
Rachel: She wasn't about to point out that Lorna could make it so, seeing as the school musical hadn't happened yet.
Paige: "You have to hold them close. And they can smeeeelll feeeeeeear."
Rachel: Rachel blinked, "She can't tell when she's asleep, can she?"
Bobby: "She can. Why do you think we named her Ripley?"
Lorna: "She's smelling you since before you came inside. She knows you now, Rachel."
Rachel: Looking down at the tiny bundle in her arms, coupled with the commentary, was only reinforcing the fact that kids were little, terrifying creatures of destruction that she never wanted to have. Though, this one wasn't staying with her, so she supposed it was sort of cute... Maybe. She hadn't completely decided there either. "How much longer?"
Paige: That was it! Paige moved quickly before Bobby or Lorna could intervene, trying to gingerly snatch the baby from Rachel. "Here. Let me have her."
Rachel: "Knock yourself out," Rachel willingly handed her off since Paige was, apparently, dying to hold this kid. Then, she went to plop down on the tribbles with Bobby.
Bobby: "Wow, Paigey. Feeling that clock ticking?" Bobby cackled, then rolled his head sideways to give Rachel a cracked grin. "HAI!"
Paige: Relieved and happy, Paige smiled at the baby and snuggled her very carefully, adjusting her so that she could use her free hand to stroke the baby's cheek gently. "Hello sweet Maddie!" she whispered to her.
Rachel: "Shut up, don't give her ideas," she hissed in reply.
Lorna: "Getting a bit worried there?" Lorna teased. "Paige would be a good mommy, wouldn't you Paige?"
Bobby: "Give her? HA! She's already had them forever, babe." His grin grew wider.
Paige: "Of course I would." Paige ignored them. They were silly. She kissed on the baby's hand, then breathed her in a bit. Baby smell!
Rachel: Rachel sank further into the tribbles, face in her hands. Oh god... Paige was going to want one, and she was terrible at telling her girlfriend no.
Bobby: Bobby slid his arm around Rachel. "Stay strong."
Lorna: "It's okay Rachel. Let me know if you need a strong drink. I can have one of those now so I'm all about this."
Bobby: He had to admit, watching Paige coo over the baby was pretty cute. She was going to put that child in so much pink...
Rachel: "Will one of you kill me after that drink?"
Paige: "You are so pretty, yes you arrrrrre..." Paige cooed over the baby, kissing on her again. "Auntie Paige is going to teach you how to shop, yes she is. Because Auntie Rachel has horrible taste.... yes she does!"
Rachel: "Bullshit," Rachel muttered. Oh wait, could she still say that? Meh, it wasn't like the kid would remember.
Lorna: "Oh, you'll live. She has to wear herself out spoiling this one before she can have her own. You know that."
Bobby: "Uhoh, you're lucky she's enthralled with baby so she didn't notice you swearing."
Paige: "Oh I did. You're up to 75 cents today, darling."
Bobby: Bobby cackled.
Rachel: She heaved another sigh.
Lorna: "You want to make the drink a double?" Lorna asked, reaching out and patting Rachel's head.
Rachel: Rachel nodded, "Yes."
Rachel: After a moment, she suggested, "We could all get drinks and leave Paige with the baby..."
Lorna: "Drinks!" Lorna needed no second bidding. There were people here to watch the baby and she had rum. She knew just what to do and was scurrying off to the kitchen faster than she in months.
Bobby: Bobby got up as well, but just to move to a seat beside Paige. "I think we did pretty good, yeah?" He reached over to move the blanket just a bit and stroke his daughter's cheek.
Rachel: Rachel decided that was an escape from possibly having the baby pushed off on her again, even though Paige wasn't likely to surrender the girl, and moved to follow Lorna.
Lorna: From the kitchen select words of 'lime in the coconut' could be heard.
Paige: Paige smiled up at Bobby, not letting go of Maddie in the slightest. "You did. She's so beautiful." She kissed on the baby again, then looked at Bobby a bit awkwardly. "I need my crap buddy though..."
Bobby: "Thanks," he chuckled, and it turned to a giggle at Lorna's singing. Wait. She wasn't giving him happy look. Why no happy look? "Oh? What's wrong, Paigey?" He slid his arm around her now.
Paige: "It's just... well..." She glanced down at the baby again. "I don't think I doing some things right... and I know you're a guy and you could like... give me advice?" Nope, not awkward at all!
Bobby: His head cocked to a dangerous angle, like a confused dog. "Last time I checked, and I fathered a kid, so yes, I'm a guy." Bobby gave her the cracked grin again. "What's that have to do with anything though?"
Paige: "Welllll... you know... you've been with girls!" Her face blushed a bright red. She was sooo thankful for the baby to hide behind.
Bobby: "Weeeell, yeah!" Okay, this was going to be way too fun. "I also have a peeeenis."
Paige: "Oh I didn't want to know that! Just forget it!" She hissed at him, trying not to wake the baby up.
Bobby: "You mean you didn't know?" He laughed and gave her a jostling squeeze. "Oh, come on, I'm just messing with you, babe."
Paige: "I knooooooow but this is serious. I really worry that I'm not doing it right."
Bobby: "Doing... what, exactly?"
Paige: "You knooooow..... stuuuuufff!"
Bobby: Bobby pressed his lips together, trying very hard not to burst into laughter. "Babe... you know you have the same parts as she does, so you probably know better than I do what stuff works."
Paige: "Yeah I knooooow, but you... do... stuff... oh just forget it." She blushed a deep shade of red, hiding one more behind the baby.
Bobby: "You have to be more specific than stuff." Raising both eyebrows in question, he brought his hand to his lips and made a rather lewd gesture.
Paige: That earned Bobby a shove, words failing.
Bobby: "Well, you won't say it!" He laughed, coming right back to her with a giant grin. "I just used sign language. It's totally legit."
Paige: "Of course I won't say it... I just think she's too nice about it. And won't tell me. Maybe I'm just paranoid..."
Bobby: "Just so we're clear, we are really talking about sex, right?" He nodded along, looking for more than a flail and a blush.
Paige: Bobby would be disappointed. She blushed more, glancing away and giving a slight nod.
Bobby: "You're probably just paranoid." He glanced down at his daughter. Thank God she didn't speak English yet. "Okay, in all seriousness... you do have the same parts, so in theory what works for you would work for her... but you have to ask her this stuff."
Paige: "I can't even ask you this stuff... how am I supposed to ask her?!"
Bobby: "I would think asking her would be easier than asking me, to be honest, babe."
Paige: "She's just... so confident. About everything." Well, most things. "And you'll love me no matter what," she teased.
Bobby: "Like she wouldn't?" Bobby leaned in and gave her a loud kiss on the cheek. "Well... I could always watch and grade... give you some notes. You know, for research purposes."
Paige: "Bobby!" She hissed at him, nudging him a bit. "You are terrible!"
Bobby: "But you looove meee," he singsonged with a grin.
Paige: "Of course I doooo!" She kissed his cheek with a smile. "I hate this awkwardness... I feel useless."
Bobby: "Pfft. Useless schmoosless." He cocked his head at his own word creation.
Paige: Paige giggled at him and sighed. "I need a baby too."
Bobby: "Okay, well... Rae can't help you with that one, unless she's been hiding something for a really long time."
Paige: "I knoooow. I guess I should work out a plan for that then. Hmmmmm," Paige cuddled the baby and thought about it.
Bobby: "Hmmmm." Bobby looked over at her with a raised eyebrow.
Paige: "Hm?" Paige glanced back at him, blinking. "What were we talking about?"
Bobby: "You're not thinking about kidnapping our baby, are you?"
Paige: "While I did consider it, no. I'm positive Rachel would make me bring her back," she teased him, nudging him a bit. "Nah, I'd just like to keep her overnight then give her back."
Bobby: "...we might be able to do that one. You don't need much sleep anyway, with all that sugar you ingest." He grinned.
Paige: "I'll take her anytime you guys need to sleep!"
Bobby: "That's a deal, babe." He kissed her cheek happily. Hot damn, sleep!
Paige: "Hooray!" Paige kissed his cheek back, then kissed on the baby. "Coming to Auntie Paigey's house!"
Bobby: "Well, which would be the mansion, which is a deathtrap, so you guys have to guard her with your lives while she's sleeping over."
Paige: "As if you have to saaaaaaaaaay that." Paige looked offended.
Bobby: "It's in the manual. Overprotective daddy." He nodded, bobbleheaded again.
Paige: "Speaking of... when are you going back to your reeeeeeal job? You know... guarding the cereal box?"
Bobby: Bobby blew some very loud raspberries and let his head fall back against the tribbles. "Uuuuugh, I don't know. When she kills Phil and Stan?"
Paige: "But but.... but... I like Phil......"
Bobby: "Not as much as you like the kitty, clearly." He did the tongue thing again, just to see what shade she'd turn.
Paige: "Yeah well, you're a poo poo head." She snuggled the baby. Mean ol Bobby!
Bobby: Mean Bobby descended into giggles. He really needed sleep.
Paige: "You're so meeeeeeeeean!"
Bobby: He might fall off the sofa.
Paige: He was aided by a shove from Paige.
Bobby: At that, he really did fall off the sofa with a yelp and a thud, but he didn't stop laughing. "Your faaaace!"
Paige: "You are so mean!"
Lorna: A tipsy Lorna called out from the kitchen. "Children, behave yourselves or you'll get no rum! The rum will be gone!"
Bobby: "It's okay, Ripley and Lorna love me! See! ....no, no bogarting the rum!"
Rachel: "All the rum shall be mine!" Rachel declared.
Lorna: "I'll bogart this rum so hard you'll have to start calling me Humphrey!"
Bobby: "Paigey, I should get off the floor and rescue the booze... but I don't think I can." He giggled again. "I've fallen, and I can't get up!"
Paige: "You don't need that booze anyway!" Paige glanced over at him on the floor.
Rachel: "Why not? You've volunteered to babysit," Rachel called.
Paige: "Well I didn't mean tonight, but I can... I don't have anything set up for her there yet."
Bobby: "We could just make it a really, really quiet slumber party right here and you can babysit all the babies and drunks!"
Paige: "I am soooo not babysitting drunks!"
Rachel: Bottle of rum in hand, Rachel moved back toward the room, "If you want to babysit... Ripley..." Using the kid's name was definitely nicer than saying 'that thing', and she was fairly impressed she still had that filter, "You can babysit us drunks for one night."
Paige: "Or take her and run for it while I can."
Rachel: She opened her mouth and promptly closed it, deciding she wouldn't point out that she had no issues with that because she would later. When she was likely hungover. Plus, she wasn't sure how Bobby and Lorna felt about that.
Lorna: Lorna came in, waggling her bottle at the room. "Paigey, Paigey, Paigey, don't make me end you running away with my kiddo now. Plus you'll wake her up!"
Paige: "It's not like I'd keeeep her. I'd bring her back... when you were sober."
Rachel: Rachel snorted in disbelief.
Bobby: "So sometime after Lorna's birthday?" Bobby piped up from the floor. It was getting more comfortable.
Paige: Paige laughed and smiled. "Yeah. Around then."
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