3/13 Instance: First Step's Acceptance

[Starfish]

Timeline: Current.


Hisako: Hisako awkwardly shuffled on the chair in Cessily's office. She felt somehow out of place - which was no surprise: she was on watch for her drug useage now, that much was a given. It was uncharacteristic of her to do such a thing, or would have been back in Kyoto. But if anything made her savvy to the fact she was no longer the same person, it was this situation.

Hisako: Sighing, she looked around the room. It was....homely. Homely was the word. Warm colours, relaxing furniture, interesting choice of aesthetic touches (which spoke volumes about the Professor's tastes), but what caught her eye was the desk.

Hisako: And....she wasn't sure why. It looked simple enough: a beautifully crafted oak desk, auburn and well maintained. There were plenty of desks similar to that one in the school, but there was....something about it. Something Hisako was sure made it unique, but she couldn't say what.

Hisako: With another sigh, she slumped back in her chair. Maybe it would remain a mystery. Never mind...

Cessily: "I'm so sorry I kept you waiting," the silver-skinned young woman said as she entered her office, balancing a tray on both hands. "I hope I didn't make you sit around for too long. My water boiler broke the other day, so I went to the kitchen to make some fresh tea."

Cessily: With a kind smile on her lips, she set the tray down on her desk. "One couldn't offer a counseling session without being able to at least offer some, no? So, would you care for a cup?"

Hisako: Hisako turned, smiling awkwardly at Cessily, "...ah...hai, senpai.", she nodded, looking from the teapot to the desk. What was it about that desk, anyway!? She shook her head, "Gomenasai, I am...a little nervous.", she confessed, "I thought I would be in trouble for....what I did..."

Cessily: "In trouble? Oh no, even if you were, I've never been one to judge." Cessily gave the younger girl an encouraging smile, before pouring her a cup of tea. "There's milk and sugar, if you like. Just help yourself." She sat down in her chair and straightened her shirt.

Cessily: "There's no reason to be nervous, Hisako," she assured the Japanese student. "We all make mistakes from time to time. And yours certainly isn't the worst we've seen here, by far."

Hisako: "Really?", disbelief was rife in Hisako's query. She helped herself to the offered cup, but politely refused the offer for milk or sugar, "...I feel...as if I have let myself down. It...hurts me to say."

Cessily: After a long, silent look, Cessily nodded. "That doesn't surprise me," she told Hisako. "I have to admit, the first impression you gave me was that of a very dedicated, focused student with a great will to excel. You're usually very disciplined, aren't you?"

Hisako: Hisako nodded timidly, "P-people...say I am.", she affirmed, not wanting to seem too big-headed in front of her instructor, "That want....it seems that I wanted something too much this time, senpai."

Cessily: "I see." Leaning onto her desk, Cessily folded her hands, a small but friendly smile curling her lips. "There's no greater pressure than the one we put on ourselves."

Hisako: Without speaking, Hisako sipped some of her tea, thinking the sentence over to herself. Moments later, she looked up from her cup, "....this tea is good. Thank you, senpai."

Cessily: "You're welcome." Her smile grew a little wider. "I really don't like stiff formalities that much. As a counselor I've found that nothing can replace a friendly and familiar atmosphere. After all, you can't begin to feel better if you're not even feeling comfortable, no?"

Hisako: "I...suppose.", Hisako nodded, sinking back a little bit, "But you cannot bring Kyoto into this small room, can you?", she smiled wryly, offering what little humour she had to the conversation, "...I do not mean to be rude, senpai."

Cessily: "Not into this room, but we could try to recreate it in the Danger Room," Cessily replied and chuckled. "And 'rude' is one of the last things I'd think of when asked to describe you."

Cessily: Not into this room, but we could try to recreate it in the Danger Room," Cessily replied and chuckled. "And 'rude' is one of the last things I'd think of when asked to describe you. In fact, I don't remember having seen you let yourself go."

Hisako: Hisako laughed dryly, "Well, one time Cortez-san is finding out how rude I can be...", she scratched her head awkwardly, "...the...first day I use this Kick."

Cessily: Cessily nodded. "That drug is known to have some mind-altering properties, yes," she commented. "Most importantly, a boost to self-confidence and lowered thresholds for aggression. Was that what you were looking for?"

Hisako: "N-no!", Hisako sat up again, "No! I-I wanted...I wanted to be stronger, that's all! I wanted to be able to protect others, protect myself! I didn't want to be beaten!"

Cessily: "And that's a noble goal," Cessily replied, keeping her voice calm and expression friendly. "Believe me, I understand the desire to protect those we care about from harm, and... I know from experience the consequences of when we fail."

Hisako: Frowning, Hisako's eyes fell to her cup again, "....I-I am sorry....", she mumbled, "....I-I had heard that....you were....ah...."

Cessily: "Thank you, but you don't need to feel sorry." Cessily gave the younger girl a kind smile. "While I wouldn't ever want to repeat that experience, I at least still can talk about it today, unless many others who didn't share my luck."

Cessily: She folded her hands again, gaze downcast for a moment. "What I'm trying to say is, I know the importance of having good friends and people who'll fight to protect you, but I would never want any one of them to destroy themselves in the process. The thought alone terrifies me."

Hisako: Hisako nodded, "...I didn't think about the consequences. I just....wanted more power.", she confessed, "Losing....scared me. To be so helpless even though I tried so hard. When Clarice beat me - and not just beat me, made me completely helpless to stop her, I knew I needed to be better..."

Hisako: She curled into herself, unable to look up still, "I gave in to my pride, trying to beat her again. When I failed - even when we fought by my terms - I turned to the only thing I could think of: my power. She had an edge because of hers, so I tried to....skip to her level..."

Cessily: "I hope you don't mind me saying this, but to me that sounds as if you were so used to excelling that you never learned to lose." The silver-skinned counselor wore a faint smile. "You need to understand that setbacks an losses are inevitable, and coping with these things is one of the most important lessons any of us has to learn."

Hisako: "It's a horrible feeling...", Hisako replied, looking up finally, "...t-the way...they laughed at me. It's like before...like when I was young, nobody cared about what I'd been through, only that they could laugh at me."

Cessily: "I'm sorry to hear that," Cessily replied, sincere sympathy in her voice. "It's always awful to be subjected to bullying, but it's even harder on the soul of a child. So, just to understand this correctly, your decision to try Kick started with a rivalry between you and Clarice?"

Hisako: Hisako nodded, "Fabian Cortez said I cannot rely on merely my discipline alone, because others will bend the rules. Clarice showed me this when she beat me, so....I hoped I could beat that by using my discipline and adding something else.", she sipped some more tea.

Cessily: "I never expected to say something like this, but Fabian had a point there," Cessily commened, holding up a hand. "All is fair in love and war and... super-heroing, I guess. You see, you were bending the rules yourself when you decided to use a risky power-amplifying drug."

Cessily: "Hisako, you can't always expect to be able to pound any problem headlong until it goes away. In some cases, all this will give you is a headache. Or worse."

Hisako: Sighing a little, Hisako agreed with another small nod, "...my whole life has been spent doing this. Standing on my own, learning to fend for myself. People say they are 'friends' but they don't really know me. How can they claim to be if they won't even accept me?", she looked away, "I know I have flaws, but why? Why do they torment me for it?"

Cessily: "Because some people just like to be mean, and they'll see any sign of weakness as an opportunity to hurt you," Cessily explained, the look on her face becoming more serious. "Now, of course you can try to work on those flaws, but that's not always possible, or even healthy. After all, a lot of them are important parts of who we are."

Cessily: "But before you can do that, you need to accept that we all have limitations. If you continue to view that as some kind of weak spot, so will those who wish you ill, and will continue to use it against you to provoke you."

Hisako: Wiping her eyes - having just discovered she was crying again - Hisako nodded, "I-I see.", she sniffed, "Thank you, senpai.", she gripped her cup again, taking a few more sips in silence before clearing her throat, "....m-my father...died when I was very young..."

Cessily: Cessily bit her lip, her expression softening again. "Yes, I've read about that in your file. That must have been hard for you." She leaned forward, closing a little of the distance between them. "Would you like to talk about that."

Hisako: "....my mother said that it was my fault. I...", Hisako gulped a little, "I-I saw him...when my parents said I should go to bed, I saw him. H-he was...looking like a monster. I...didn't know what was happening, so I screamed....", she shrank, eyes falling to what little liquid was left in her cup, "...I was only six."

Cessily: As no proper words came to her mind at first, Cessily shifted closer and put a shiny hand on the crying girl's shoulder. "I'm so sorry, Hisako," she told her, applying gentle pressure. "That's... horrible. No child should ever have to go through such a thing. And..."

Cessily: She swallowed, shaking her head. "...and that your mother put the blame on you. I can't even begin to imagine how that must have been to you." After a brief pause, a frown appeared on her face. "You said he looked like a monster?"

Hisako: Hisako affirmed with another nod, "H-he was....a mutant himself. He....h-had a power that made him sometimes change. When...when he saw me so scared he couldn't bear it anymore and he....", she sniffed, shuddering and dropping her cup as her hands covered her face, "....I shouldn't have left my room! Why did I go!? I just wanted to see him!"

Cessily: Leaning closer still, Cessily draped her arm over Hisako's shoulder and took her into a gentle embrace. "You were only a child," she reminded her. "And you couldn't know what would happen. It wasn't your fault." She looked at the girl's face, lifting her head by placing a hand underneath her chin. "You hear me? Some people may have convinced you that it was, but that's not true."

Hisako: Shaking her head, Hisako let herself cry. All she could picure was the scene of the death in her mind. Her mother's screaming, her stillness. The taste of wrongness lingering in that room so many years ago - the noose that hung her childhood.

Hisako: Without even realizing it, she'd thrown her arms around Cessily, sobbing her heart out into the older woman's neck.

Cessily: "That's okay, sweetie; I know it hurts." Cessily gave the girl as much time she needed, holding her in a comforting embrace. "You blame yourself, but you mustn't do this." She patted Hisako's back, her other hand gently stroking through the girl's hair. "I'm here to help you, ok?"

Hisako: Hisako nodded against her chest, "A-arigatou...s-senpai...", she managed through the tears, clinging tighter to her professor.

Hisako: Time lost its meaning for a while. Hisako eventually sniffing and moving away, wiping her eyes and blinking up at Cessily. She took a moment to catch her breath, blushing, but managing a small smile in the wake of her tears, "...y-you mean it...that you will...help me?"

Cessily: Cessily smiled, adding a determined nod. "Of course I will," she assured Hisako, reaching up to place her palm against the girl's cheek and wiping away some tears off her face. "That's a promise. After all, that's what I'm here for."

Hisako: Managing a little laugh, Hisako glanced at the desk again, shaking the fleeting thought off, "O-ok....then I will try and...be helped.", she nodded.

Cessily: The silver professor's expression brightened even more. "And with that, you've already taken the most important - and most difficult - step in becoming better: Realizing that you need help and accept it."

Hisako: Hisako scratched her head, sniffing again, "S-so...now what do we do?"

Cessily: "Well, for now, I'd suggest we try to schedule a few more appointments," Cessily said. "I think it would be best if you could see me regularly." Sitting back, the smile returned to her face. "And then we talk. About anything you like. It's important that we get to know each other. I always say you can't help anyone if they don't know and trust you."

Hisako: "Right. Is what I think too.", Hisako agreed, "T-then...maybe I can go now? I... have to go and have a blood sample taken.", she frowned a little, biting her lip.

Cessily: "Yes, of course." Cessily nodded, standing up to let out the student. "I'll check on you later, and we'll see each other in class, anyway, yes?" She gave the girl another bright smile. "And you know you can see me anytime you need to talk or don't feel well, right? And I mean any time, even if it's at night or on the weekend."

Hisako: "Arigatou, Kincaid-senpai.", Hisako stood, bowing her head a little and picking up her bag, "I will...I promise."

Cessily: "I know you will." Cessily showed her another heartfelt smile. "And I also have no doubt you'll manage to get over this. After all, you're not one to give up when beaten down, no?"

Hisako: With a shake of her head, Hisako laughed a little, "Not Ichiki Hisako.", she confirmed, stepping towards the door and stopping at it to offer another little bow, "Thank you again, senpai."

Cessily: "You're welcome, Ichiki-san," Cessily replied with a chuckle. "Uhm, did I say that right?"

Hisako: "Ha, yes!", Hisako grinned, "Until next time, senpai.", with that, she let herself out.

Cessily: Cessily waved after Hisako, before she turned back to her own cup tea. "Sweet! Who says I don't learn anything new here even as a professor?"

[steyn]

Man I love Cess, she's such a nice person. Poor Hisako though.