3/23 Instance: Not Enough

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Ferguson
Dread Pirate
Dread Pirate
Posts: 2447
Joined: Mon Nov 27, 2006 5:26 am
Title: Fergie the Unjust
Location: I'm in the hick-land playing the spoons

3/23 Instance: Not Enough

Post by Ferguson »

Current Timeline

<@Fabian> Fabian took a deep breath as he pulled away from the Hellfire Club, glad that he had let himself sober up and still more than a bit concerned about what the evening had shown them all. "So...that was...enlightening." He got out as he got to the main road, letting his car take his mind away from things for a brief moment.

<Cecilia> Cecilia just stared out the window, eyes distant. "...Yeah," she said hoarsely. "Yeah, that was...really fucked up...actually."

<Cecilia> She turned her head slowly towards him. "Tell me I'm insane. Please, tell me I'm crazy for thinking that he's serial killer and that he stuffed his <@Fabian> "Cee, we spent the evening with a mutant girl blazed off of her ass and then saw weird things with a van. I don't really think you want me to lie to you right now." Fabian sighed as he drove along. No car was distraction enough for this evening. "Do you want to do a cruise around to see if we see any hint of that van? Did it look like the van you saw last week with the others?"

<Cecilia> "We might as well," she said, trying to concentrate on breathing normally. "Yeah, it did, but nondescript white vans seem common among the criminal element."

<@Fabian> Fabian turned off the next exit to do the loop around. "So many white vans yet no free candy. The least the criminal element could do is stick to the fun stereotypes. I guess I count too much on style for such things, though." And he probably shouldn't speak about the criminal element but, no matter how crazy Apocalypse was, nobody got eaten.

<Cecilia> "Not everyone can be as saturday-morning-cartoon-theatrical as Apocalypse," Cecilia said, eyes narrowed at the street. "Some of them are more sinister, better planners and a hell of a lot brighter. They've killed over twenty mutants we're aware of. If they were stupid they'd've been caught by now."

<@Fabian> "...you realize you just described what I think of myself before 'They've killed over twenty mutants' right?" Fabian laughed slightly at that. "I'm not sure if I should defend my villany in comparison or not...but you have to admit if you're going to be evil be evil with cold war era submarines."

<@Fabian> He sighed, though, no amount of that talk was going to distract from the topic of hand. "And they might not be stupid but if it was what happened tonight they aren't bright either. Back alley at the Hellfire Club? That's not well hidden."

<Cecilia> "Might be getting bold," Cecilia remarked. She thought a moment "...If you were running the show with the Acolytes the X-Men would've had a much harder time. They might've lost without the intel you and Lukas gave or at least lost a lot more than they did."

<Cecilia> She settled back. "I'll agree with everything you just said except for the first point. You're not sinister, at least not in my mind."

<@Fabian> "Guess it's neither here nor there, huh?" Fabian drummed his fingers against the steering wheel. He knew full well they weren't going to find anything. There hadn't been anything to find in the alleyway afterwards which at least spoke to the girl not being killed there but who knows?

<@Fabian> That van was going to be long gone or tucked in some place and the people would have brought her back through one of these people's secret paths. "Maybe we should have looked for sewage access."

<Cecilia> Cecilia slapped her forehead. "Fuck, I can't believe I didn't think of that! Now I wish I had my map on me. I followed JP's suggestion and made one tracking kills..."

<Cecilia> Cecilia's face went ashen again. "...If he is involved this explains so fucking much. I just remembered he's from Knightsbridge! Most of the killings were situated in the north end of the city. Oh fuck, he could read minds to find mutants, mind-control them..."

<Cecilia> "He'd know the grounds of the school 'cause I invited him up..." she stopped "...I invited him up..."

<@Fabian> "Cee, they didn't need him to know the school, Kraven is still who we're looking for and he's been there all ready." Fabian didn't want her to start blaming herself for any bit of this, especially when it wasn't necessary. "This is a good thing, we've got a solid connection now."

<Cecilia> It was bit too late for that. Already Cecilia's mind was racing. I invited him to the rally, I took him to the school, I made friends with him despite everyone else's suspicions, I led the snake into the den!

<Cecilia> Did he find victims at the rally? If so, how many people died because of her? Then there was Hisako. Cecilia wasn't stupid, she was pretty sure she knew where her roommate had got the drugs and she'd defended him! She'd made friends with him! "Pull over."

<@Fabian> "Why?" Fabian glanced over at her trying to gage if she had seen something or not as he pulled over.

<Cecilia> "'Cause I'm gonna be sick- quickly!" Cecilia grit out.

<@Fabian> The car was stopped and Fabian took the chance to rub his temple. He knew it, it was dramatic time.

<Cecilia> Cecilia ran into an alley and promptly emptied the contents of her stomach onto the pavement. "Fuck," she coughed. "Shit!"

<Cecilia> She leaned over, head down, trying not to throw up again. She couldn't believe this. This couldn't be her life where she couldn't trust a stranger, couldn't believe someone might be a friend because they might be an enemy of the X-Men or a serial killer or some kind of super-villain. She'd made a huge mistake and now who knows how many people would pay for it?

<Cecilia> As soon as she got her bearings she looked up. "...No fucking way," she muttered. On the wall of the alley was one of those markings. She stumbled back to the car and slammed the door.

<@Fabian> "Cee, stay close." Fabian was all ready out of the car after her, not having expected her to actually completely leave the car to do what she needed to do. She was soon back though so he slipped back in, quirking an eyebrow before taking back off to the road, turning around to head back to the school.

<Cecilia> "There was a marking in that alley," Cecilia said, abruptly.

<@Fabian> "That's not surprising." They had been cropping up everywhere it seemed and they had a pretty good idea they had been in the area tonight.

<@Fabian> "We're going on home, not in the shape to conduct anything helpful right now and we shouldn't do anything without reporting to the others that we are out looking for things."

<Cecilia> Cecilia opened the window and spat out of it. "I just had too much to drink," she lied. "I feel fine now and one call to the school would be enough...but it couldn't hurt to have back-up. A telepath isn't something either of us could stand up to."

<@Fabian> "Cee, why are you trying to bullshit me?"

<Cecilia> "'Cause I know what'll happen. I'll just tell what you already know I'm feeling and you'll give me the good ol' chestnut: 'it's not your fault.' Which is partially true, it's not, I didn't kill anyone, not directly. I did it through ignorance and idiocy and not getting fucking bread when I was told to!"

<Cecilia> "And I won't really believe it and you'll get pissed off at me if I agree with you 'cause you'll know I'm lying and pissed off if I say no 'cause then I'm an under-confident nothing that believes it's all my fault and we'll have the same damn argument again!"

<Cecilia> "So just...take the way out and we won't have this fight again, 'cause honestly? I'm tired of it."

<@Fabian> "...Actually I'm going to tell you to get the hell over yourself."

<Cecilia> "...You're fucking unbelievable," Cecilia said, shaking her head. "Really. I'm amazed."

<@Fabian> "I know." Fabian shrugged it off as he started to drive faster. "I mean, how dare I say it. You obviously think you're so important that when something bad happens from someone getting a papercut to serial cannibalism that it is revolving around you or that your blindness is the only reason it got this far and you were the only person capable of stopping it. If you don't want to deal with me saying it isn't your fault the nice way then I'll just say it this way."

<Cecilia> "Excuse me?!" Cecilia laughed incredulously. "I gotta say this is really rich coming from you, Fabian. You're the most egocentric person I've ever met! And you're lecturing me on thinking the world revolves around me?!"

<Cecilia> She threw up her hands. "You have a lot of goddamn nerve!"

<@Fabian> Fabian's eyes rolled again and he was definitely well above the speed limit now. "I'm well aware I'm usually the only person who thinks I'm important. That's why I do so someone actually does. You obviously don't because you don't give a shit about what I think."

<@Fabian> "I'm ready to stop having this argument, it's the fact that you're repeating the behavior that starts it each time."

<Cecilia> Cecilia was ready to rip into him...but the next thing out of his mouth drained all the anger out of her. "...But you are important to me."

<Cecilia> "If you weren't important to me, if I didn't give a shit about what you think, then why does it hurt every time you're disappointed in me? Every time I fight with you? Why would I ever ask for your help or advice? Why would I worry so much about you?!"

<Cecilia> Cecilia shook her head and looked out the window to mask the sudden tears. "Y'know it's things like this Fabian...you say these things and you make it impossible to be angry at you...and I am angry at you! Goddamn you..." she sniffed.

<@Fabian> Fabian finally slowed down a bit though speeding was still happening. "You can be angry with me. I just want you to know that it's ridiculous that you keep blaming yourself, that your cursed, whatever you want to call it. It's wrong, it just makes you feel worse and it makes me tired."

<Cecilia> "I can know it rationally," Cecilia said. "I know I didn't do it, that I can't control other people and I should blame them if I'm going to blame anyone and I do... for the most part."

<Cecilia> "But at the same time I can't help how I feel," she remarked. "Don't tell me you've never felt the same. That when you watched your sister get convicted some part of you felt that guilt. Even knowing you did everything you could, that there were things you couldn't account for or control."

<Cecilia> "Some part of you must've thought 'I should've been there' or 'It should've been me' or 'I shouldn't be so lucky.' I can't be the only one. Someone else has to feel that way too."

<@Fabian> Fabian was right back up to speed at that and his knuckles were a bit whiter. "Cee, I need you to start believing it more because I can't do shit like this."

<@Fabian> "Did I want to have been able to do more for her? Yes, of course. But I knew full well that I did absolutely everything I could. I can't make her listen to me. I can't make my father listen to me. I wasn't lucky, I was smart. It sure as hell shouldn't have been me on that count as well."

<@Fabian> "I may have wanted to be there but I wasn't and it's a damned good thing I wasn't either. There are three, maybe four people to be blamed for where she is and, quite frankly, I don't believe I'm one of them."

<@Fabian> "You can always wish you did more in any situation, that's not what this is about though."

<Cecilia> Cecilia was getting a little nervous at Fabian's speed. She didn't quite believe his story, not entirely, but if he said it wasn't so all she could do was take his word for it. Damned if she ever knew what he was feeling, hell, she wasn't sure he did half the time either.

<Cecilia> "What do you mean 'shit like this'?" Cecilia asked. "To clarify. What exactly can you not deal with? How I feel? My problems? Or something else?" Like any sort of emotion whatsoever.

<@Fabian> "I can't take you blaming yourself so much. You can wish you can do something different, yes but you take it to a level that just makes me want to pound my head in, Cee. Even when we're perfectly happy some little bit seems to creep up on you sometime and you won't let yourself be that happy."

<Cecilia> Cecilia sighed. "Things...sometimes seep into my life against my will, but for the most part? I'd say I'm a reasonably happy person. I think I've done an amazing job for what I had to live with and the amount of support (or lack thereof) that I had. Hell, I was more intact than my mother. For a couple of years there I wondered if I was an orphan the way she fell apart!"

<Cecilia> "I'm still trying to repair things but I think I've come a long way for the most part barring occasional flashbacks and some survivor's guilt..." Cecilia eyed him. "You knew I was like this when we agreed to be together. You knew I'd been through hell and rebuilt. Why is this coming up now?"

<@Fabian> "This isn't about your past right now, it's about your present. Just...nevermind and lets just get home."

<Cecilia> "The past informs the present," Cecilia said. "I am making an effort, but you're making it hard for me to win here, Fabi. I can only do the best I can."

<Cecilia> "I gave you a bullshit story so you didn't have to deal with my shit," Cecilia remarked. "You can take the out. I don't expect you to deal with my problems, I have Dai for that."

<@Fabian> "Oh for fuck's sake don't make this out that I'm not dealing with your problems, Cee. I'm tired of you blaming yourself. That's what I am saying and that's what you either won't or can't stop doing. That's all this is so quit making it out to be something else."

<Cecilia> Cecilia sighed, smacking her hand off her knee. "Y'know what? There's no point in continuing this conversation. 'Cause this argument is always circular. I acknowledge that I rationally know it's not my fault but concede I can't change how I feel no matter how stupid and irrational it is."

<Cecilia> "Then you just..." she gesticulated helplessly. "I dunno. You can't seem to bend and let it lie. I can't even think it! 'Cause when I do...I dunno you just hate it. I can't help how I think but I can help how I act and I do keep it under control for the most part, I think. I just...I dunno how I can make you happy."

<Cecilia> She sighed again, leaning her head on the window. "Just...let's go home."

<@Fabian> As far as Fabian was concerned he was literally telling her how. "Yeah, working on it."

<Cecilia> She still didn't feel all that great, but she'd be damned if she asked him to stop again after all that. If she threw up in the car it was on him now. She reached over and touched his hand briefly on the steering wheel. "Just...don't think I don't think you're important. I do. I think more of your opinion than anyone's except for maybe my own...I do take your advice into account."

<Cecilia> "And I don't blame you at all for being emotionally constipated sometimes," she smiled, settling back. "I know you can't help it."

<@Fabian> If looks could kill, well, the road would be dead since he didn't share the whole look to Cecilia. It wasn't going to help anything so it wasn't worth sharing or saying anymore. He just drove on and looked forward to going to bed and getting some sleep.

<Cecilia> Well considering the death glare the road was getting Cecilia didn't think she was getting invited anywhere tonight. "Judging by your silence I suppose that means no snuggle for me then," Cecilia said. She wasn't sure she should apologize here though. She didn't exactly do something wrong.

<@Fabian> "You know you're always welcome. It's an open invitation."

<Cecilia> "It's not polite to make assumptions," Cecilia said. "But if I'm always welcome then I'll park my ass there as long as often as Sean can stand."

<Cecilia> "If you like I can make myself even more comfortable though and eat brownies there and hang my underwear on it. Mark my territory," she said wryly.

<@Fabian> That did earn a smile at least. "That sounds like a good idea. Would rather you assume than not."

<Cecilia> "Well, this could be fun." Cecilia chuckled. "How long can I live in Fabian's room and be all up in his space and underfoot and a hanger on until he goes completely crazy and kicks me out? This'll be interesting."

<Cecilia> "I wonder how you'll feel when you find out I actually have to shave my legs? And don't roll out of bed looking this good?" She laughed. "If I don't lose my allure in a week I'll be disappointed."

<@Fabian> "I hate to inform you, Cee, but I'm well aware girls poop."

<Cecilia> "You know it theoretically," she remarked, raising an eyebrow. "...So if you don't mind can we skip one of us sleeping on the couch and skip right to the make-up part?"

<@Fabian> "I don't do couch sleeping." Fabian assured her. "And I wouldn't dream of making you."

<Cecilia> "Good to know no matter how much of an idiot I am sometimes I always have a place to go."
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