4/25 Instance: The Pyre

[Ferguson]

Timelined after Resignation

<Hope> Hope sat in the seat of Johnny's car, feet propped up on the door. They had finally located the car and had it brought back to the school. The problem was, she still didn't know what to do with it. Running her fingers through her red hair, she rested her head back against the opposite door as her feet and sighed.

<@Cecilia> Cecilia exited the mansion through the garage exit to avoid walking past Dai in the hallway and getting into a conversation about what had happened on the mission. As much as the doctor had helped her out, Cecilia didn't really feel quite ready to talk a lot of things in any amount of detail...so she avoided.

<@Cecilia> She stopped as she caught sight of Hope lying very still in John's recovered car though and in a rash of paranoia tapped on the window - hoping to Christ the other woman hadn't done anything stupid.

<Hope> Jumping a bit at the surprise noise, Hope gave Cecilia a puzzled look as she sat up, rolling down the window. "Hey."

<@Cecilia> Cecilia sighed, relieved. "Jesus Christ, you scared the shit outta me! I thought you'd gassed yourself or something the way you were just lying there!" she exclaimed, brow furrowed.

<Hope> Hope blinked just a bit at her. "No." She sat up, opening the door for Cecilia and sliding over into the driver's seat so Cee could get in too.

<@Cecilia> Cecilia slid into the passenger's seat. "It's a nice make this," she said after a moment, running her hands over the leather seats. "Did you pick it or was that John?"

<Hope> "I picked it out. It was a surprise. He had no idea. I gave him the key chain first..." That memory again, of Johnny being so unimpressed with her gift. It nearly earned a smile that time.

<@Cecilia> Cecilia smiled faintly. "I'm glad you did. I don't know about you but that gold car that he and Fabian brought back after that epic bender they went on last semester didn't give me much faith in their taste in cars."

<Hope> "Complete lack of taste." Hope sighed, glancing over at Cecilia, fingers still on the keychain.

<@Cecilia> Cecilia was quiet for a moment. "I didn't want John to die. I never wanted that, I knew..." she paused to get ahold of herself before she continued "...I knew that it wasn't likely we'd see him again, but I didn't just give up. I tried, we all tried...it just wasn't enough."

<@Cecilia> "I tried to be realistic," Cecilia laughed, the strain evident in her voice. "I tried to prepare myself for what I knew would happen...but I didn't believe it, not until the end, it wasn't until
we got to you that it really hit me: that he was gone...Even after all that time I spent telling myself that it would end that way...it still stabbed me right in the heart."

<@Cecilia> "I can only imagine how much pain you must've felt when you found out," Cecilia said, eyes downcast. "I can't tell you how sorry I am for your loss, Hope."

<Hope> "Well. We didn't all try. I've known for awhile that Jess wasn't my friend, but I would have thought she'd do more than go fuck some guy from the Hellfire club rather than look for Johnny." She ignited the fire extinguisher lighter, watching the fire a bit. It only left her felling hollow.

<Hope> "I doubted he was alive after a couple of days. I knew the reality of how many days... but then I found the ring... and Eddie convinced me that I should wait until I found him. And I'm glad I did. At least I didn't have to dread finding his body."

<@Cecilia> Cecilia scowled at the mention of Jess. "The X-Men are a voluntary organization," Cecilia said, repeating what Shaw had pointed out. "Everything we do is done at our own risk and anyone can refuse service. I don't have a problem with this concept. The only issue I have is when someone takes that commitment and then flakes out in the middle of a crisis. I asked her to come back more than once, I warned her some would be less than thrilled with her. Any persecution she faces when she gets back is on her."

<@Cecilia> Cecilia held her hand out to see the lighter. "Have you talked to anyone about it yet?"

<Hope> "She's only looking out for herself. Nobody else matters. Once I accepted that, I got over her," Hope sighed. "I just expected more. But for what it's worth, thank you for not giving up the search for him." She handed Cecilia the keys. "Talking doesn't help."

<@Cecilia> "Yeah, for the all good it did..." Cecilia said a bit bitterly, flicking on the lighter. "Maybe it doesn't, But neither does sitting alone in your dead boyfriend's car, you gotta start somewhere right?"

<Hope> Hope visibly cringed at the word dead. "Yeah. Still have to figure out what to do with the car."

<@Cecilia> "Well, the way I see it you could do one of two things: keep it or get rid of it," Cecilia said, noting the cringe. "Would you prefer that I say 'passed away' or something?" She wasn't fond of euphemisms in this particular aspect of life, especially considering the circumstances of John's death.

<Hope> "I prefer him to not be dead, but yeah... it's just... yeah. It just happened." They hadn't even buried him yet!

<@Cecilia> Cecilia nodded. "I know this isn't what you want to hear... but it never really gets easier overtime. A lot of people spout a lot of bullshit about how it hurts at first but then the pain lessens overtime...but that's not really how it works, at least it didn't for me."

<Hope> "Thaaaaaanks." Hope sighed, resting her head back against the headrest of the car.

<@Cecilia> Cecilia raised an eyebrow. "Life does go on though," she continued. "You get better at managing the pain, you rebuild yourself from whatever pieces were left behind, you become stronger. It takes time, but eventually it becomes the loss becomes the norm and you can breathe a bit easier."

<@Cecilia> She put a hand on Hope's shoulder. "People die, Hope. They die all the time for incredibly stupid or senseless reasons, but we don't die with them."

<@Hope> "He wasn't just a person. He was my person. The person that saved me every time. The person who was always there for me. And now, it's like everything feels empty and hollow."

<Cecilia> "Everyone is someone's person," Cecilia sighed sadly. "But I understand what you mean... and I'm afraid it may feel that way for awhile. There's no easy way out, Hope."

<@Hope> "I'm aware of that." What was Cecilia getting at?

<Cecilia> Cecilia raised an eyebrow. "Really? 'Cause I was under the impression you might think there was another solution. A more permanent solution," she said pointedly. "Or did you think no-one noticed?"

<@Hope> "No-one notices anything around here, Cee. Surprised you even noticed I was out here."

<Cecilia> "I noticed first 'cause I've lived through the same damn thing," Cecilia said bluntly. "Apologizing to a bunch of people. When have I ever heard you apologize about anything unless it was completely warranted or forced out of you? I know what you're doing and it's not gonna be long before someone else notices."

<Cecilia> "I mean, what's next, Hope? Giving your things away? Writing a will?"

<@Hope> "Well, I thought about giving Fabian the car so he would have something decent to drive."

<Cecilia> "Goddammit, Hope!" Cecilia snapped, slamming her hand hand on the armrest. "Why - what will that solve? How will that help anything? All that'll happen is you'll be gone, there will be no chance of things ever getting better for you and what's worse, there will be three people who died senselessly instead of two!"

<@Hope> "It will solve the problem of Fabian having fucking terrible car choices! You're welcome."

<Cecilia> Cecilia glared at the other girl for a long while. "Y'know, I knew you were a lot of things, Hope. But not once did I ever think you were such a coward."

<@Hope> "You can think whatever you want. I never said I was going to fucking kill myself."

<Cecilia> "You don't have to," Cecilia said. "It's evident enough if you know the signs and I know them - all too well."

<@Hope> "Then hello Pot, my name is Kettle is probably what I should say. And I don't know what I want to do. I don't know what I'm supposed to do now. And if one more person tells me mourn and move on I'm going to choke them."

<Cecilia> "Well, what do you suggest if not that?" Cecilia asked archly. "Die with him? Wear black the rest of your life and mourn him forever? Everyone loses someone that matters to them eventually, Hope. Your pain is not a beautiful and unique snowflake - you're just like everyone else who's lost someone."

<Cecilia> She opened the passenger door. "I won't waste my time trying to convince you to live 'cause no doubt you have a counterargument to every argument I'd bring up. Life is something you have to choose - just like I did, just like countless others have to every day. Just know though, Hope. If you do decide to check out, just make sure you do it somewhere the hell away from here. I wouldn't be held responsible for your death too."

<@Hope> Hope rolled her eyes, laying back down in the seat. "I'll be sure to use your bathroom."

<Cecilia> Cecilia glared at her. That spiteful little bitch..."Don't leave a mess," she said shortly, slamming the door and walking back through the side door. Well, some people could be led but others had to be pushed and sadly it seemed Hope was the latter instead of the former.

[Chaos]

I dread Cee finding out Mayday wants to leave. x3

Also, depressed quitter Hope sucks! ;3; Crazy Eddie will set her right, ehehee...