6/21 Instance: A Bargain of Necessity

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tears~fall~like~glass
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6/21 Instance: A Bargain of Necessity

Post by tears~fall~like~glass »

timeline: after Cold Start


Paige: Paige plopped down onto her and Rachel's pink bed, instructions for the new coffee pot in her hands as she glanced through them. "Ohhhh, maybe we should have gotten one of those cappuccino machines. Ohhhh, that would be delicious in the morning!"

Rachel: Rachel wasn't entirely sure how she'd survived that shopping trip because, while it should've been fun, she didn't find it all that enjoyable. It was just another hour or so where they both pretended they were happy, or at least it had been for her. It wasn't even just that hour, really, so much as her entire day, and it was exhausting. Faking it aside, the guilt was exhausting and still gnawing at her.

Rachel: Fabian had told her to be patient the other day, and she rightly hadn't held much faith in herself. She was pretty sure she was reaching her limit because she'd been considering ways to bring everything back up again, except she still had no ideas. When she looked over at Paige, who was clearly far, far too excited over something like a coffee maker, she had no ideas because who would want to upset her when she was so happy?

Rachel: ...Even if it was a charade, it was convincing, and she was reluctant to ruin things.

Rachel: Pushing her fingers through her hair as she dropped her phone onto the coffee table, she sighed, passively offering, "One of those would've been a lot more expensive. And taken up more space."

Paige: "Well... that's true. And I can always add creamer and sugar and make it just as delicious." Paige tossed the booklet aside and sat up, looking over at Rachel. "I was thinking we could bake something yummy for dessert. Or just make the batter and eat that instead."

Rachel: A huge part of her just wanted to nod along and simply agree because that part of her just wanted things to be normal and happy and working, but... It wasn't. It wasn't working for her, and she wasn't happy, and it was just this damn situation, this entire mess that would've never happened if she wasn't involved. Her fingers irritably went through her hair again as she gave a non-committal shrug in answer, unsure of what would come out of her mouth if she opened it.

Paige: Paige slid her feet to the floor and stood up, crossing the room to wrap her arms around Rachel. "Cookies or brownies?"

Rachel: "I don't know," Rachel murmured, feeling far more tense in the embrace than she would've liked. Fuck, she was going to have to say something and ruin Paige's perfectly good day. The thought did nothing but add to her guilt.

Paige: And Paige caught it too. She backed up a bit, confused. "Rachie? Is everything ok?"

Rachel: "Yea-" she started, promptly cutting herself off. She couldn't do this anymore. She couldn't keep acting like this, couldn't deal with all this guilt, and couldn't continue to be the reason Paige didn't have a family. Heaving a sigh, she shook her head as she admitted, "No, it's not."

Paige: "Then talk to me..." Paige touched her cheek gently, locking her eyes on Rachel's What could possibly be wrong now?

Rachel: Rachel had managed to keep her expression relatively passive, though she was sure her gaze gave everything away, especially when she turned it to the floor. Swallowing, she worried her lip as she debated where to even begin, a bitter part of her finding it ridiculous that Paige could utter those words and know she'd spill. If it was reversed, she would've been immediately shut down with no consideration.

Rachel: She simply shook her head again, which was likely somewhat passive aggressive, but it was mostly a reluctance to say what she had in mind. It was going to hurt, and there wasn't really any way around it now...

Paige: Paige was at a loss for what could be wrong. She couldn't think of anything she had done to upset Rachel, so she tried a different angle. "Did you have a fight with Fabian or Mayday?"

Rachel: "No." That was a quick answer because she hadn't even seen Mayday, and things with Fabian had been easier than things with Paige lately. Taking a deep breath, she shoved down the sinking feeling in her stomach as she forced out, trying not to choke on the words, "It's us."

Paige: The words burned through Paige, accompanied by an immediate feeling of nausea. She pulled her hand back more abruptly than she realized, backing away from Rachel. She stammered over the only word that she could muster. "Wh-wh-what?"

Rachel: Rachel cringed at the feeling of Paige's fingers sliding away from her cheek in addition to the obvious shock that was emanating from her. While she knew Paige was fairly oblivious, she hadn't thought she'd done that well to cover her unhappiness up, though she should be good enough at this faking it business.

Rachel: "We're not working," she forced out, biting down on her lip as soon as the words had left her mouth. Taking a deep breath, she swallowed, focusing on keeping her voice even as she continued, "The past week has been hellish because I'm so damn tired of acting like we are -- I'm tired of having to ask myself whether you're actually happy, I'm tired of dancing around the subject of family, I'm tired of feeling guilty over everything…"

Rachel: "Y'know, I can put on my happy face just as well as you can, but I've never really felt like I had to until recently, and I'm just… Clearly, I'm not really your person when it comes to things like talking about Eve or you family or anything else that goes wrong whereas you're mine. For it all. Josh, family, the terrorist thing, the nightmares, frustrations with my powers, X-men crap -- all of it."

Rachel: "And, I just... I can't..." Rachel shook her head, voice finally cracking, "You deserve someone you can talk to, someone who actually knows what it's like to have a family or how to be part of one, someone that's not fucked up... Just, basically, someone that's not me." Because if it was anyone but her, Paige would still have her family, she would still be happy, and that would be worth the heartache.

Paige: "But..." Paige started to reach out for Rachel, but an invisible hand in her mind pulled it back. She put her hand into her mouth instead, biting down hard. She had known Rachel hadn't really been herself since they got back, but she hadn't known she was that upset. Upset enough for this. Not this. She looked down at her hand as she pulled it out of her mouth, noticing the tears on top of the pulled back layer of skin. What was she supposed to say? Begging came to mind. "Please don't..."

Rachel: The tone made her flinch, and she didn't dare pull her gaze from the floor to catch a glimpse of Paige's face because that would be the end of what little self-control she had at the moment. Her mouth worked as she struggled to come up with something to say in reply, managing probably the lamest thing to say in barely a whisper as she turned away, "I'm sorry."

Paige: "Rachel..." Paige choked on her sob as she saw Rachel with her back to her. Desperation kicked in. "We can fix it! I can fix it! Please!"

Rachel: Not only had she not wanted to see the look on Paige's face, Rachel didn't particularly care to be seen crying, no matter how many times she'd done it before, and, while she'd had every intention of walking away, she found there was no way she could.

Rachel: With a shuddering breath, she moved to sit down on the couch and let her head fall back against the cushions, staring at the ceiling while sniffling. Finally deciding she was capable of words, she managed, "I... We might... We might actually need the cookie dough to help with that..."

Paige: Relief seeped into Paige, allowing her to look up at Rachel. She wanted to go to her and hug her. She wanted to bury her face into her and bawl and yell at her to never do that again. Because that was bullshit. But she had just broken up with her, hadn't she? Paige sank to the floor, knowing she wasn't going to be able to speak until she cried. She pulled her knees up and just cried.

Rachel: Despite just having sat down on the couch, Rachel slid down to the floor to join Paige, scooting over to her. Unsure of exactly what to do, she simply sat next to her, swiping at her own face as she murmured, "I'm sorry." She was such an idiot. Why had she even bothered to say anything?

Paige: Paige lay down with her head in Rachel's lap, trying to get control of herself long enough to speak. "I thought we were getting better... I was trying to talk..."

Rachel: While she wanted to point out that she hadn't been able to tell, she didn't because she'd already made an ass of herself. Instead, she shifted to lean back against the coffee table and reached down to run a trembling hand through Paige's hair, finding a spot on the far wall to focus on while she waited for her to continue.

Paige: "I don't understand why you're unhappy. What did I do to make you leave me?" That was all she could get out that round, giving in to the tears again.

Rachel: "I-I'm still here," Rachel unsteadily insisted, almost immediately after Paige had finished speaking. She hadn't left. She was still sitting here, however she had been seriously considering walking out the door. Though, now she felt even more guilty than she had to begin with. "You'd just be better off."

Paige: "No I'm not!" Paige screamed at her. "I'm not better off without you." She sat up to look at Rachel, completely dumbfounded by her. "And even if I was, that isn't your decision!" Paige cried out, still somewhat hysterical.

Rachel: "Except you would be! If I wasn't, you'd have some stupid guy, and you'd still have your stupid family, and you'd be happy!" Rachel snapped back, sharply looking over at her. What did she not get about that? What wasn't there to understand about why she wasn't happy? Swiping at her face with the heel of her palm, she continued, her own voice rising in volume, "I don't want to be the reason you don't have a family!"

Rachel: "And, and… I can't… I'm not…" For a brief moment, she had thought she was over tears, but that clearly wasn't the case as her voice began to break once more as she shook her head, "I'm not made to be some sort of replacement to your family because I… Fuck, I don't even… I'm just not family material."

Paige: "If I wanted some stupid guy, I would go out and have some stupid guy! I chose you. I want to be with you. I'm SORRY I put so much on you. I can't make you happy. I don't talk and you complain, I tell you how I feel and it's too much." Paige wiped her face, which was useless since she was still sobbing. "I love you. I trust you. I let you into my mind."

Paige: "I don't talk about things because I don't want to talk about them. I don't want to relive it. I share the things I do care about with you. Like that I want to be a doctor, and I want to save lives. That is what matters to me. My past doesn't. If it takes telling you about that bullshit then I will. It's not that you aren't my person. it's that I don't want to go back there. I don't want to be sad. I want to be happy!"

Rachel: If she wasn't nearly as upset as she was at the moment, Rachel would've been tempted to comment on all the stupid guys Paige could have. Sighing heavily, she slouched down and shook her head, "Except you don't put anything on me. Nothing substantial. Unless it's some commitment, like not leaving, that I don't even know if I could keep because who knows if something like this will happen, and I don't want to be here out of guilt or some obligation."

Rachel: "Not that I don't want to be here because I do. I want this to work, but..."

Rachel: With another breath, she pulled her face from her hands to pin Paige with a look as she insisted, "Pasts do matter. Whether you want to admit they do or not, they matter. They matter because pasts make everyone who they are now, and if you don't go back there and be sad and deal with all the bullshit… If I've learned anything from my past, it's that it takes working through all that to be happy."

Paige: "You make absolutely no sense. You want to be here, but you just broke up with me?! I'm sorry I even said anything. You want to go, go. I've dealt with my past. You want to hear how I wasn't allowed to do almost anything as a kid because I had to stay perfect? You want to hear how my brothers trapped me on the roof of the barn for hours? You want to hear how Eve lost his damn MIND and cut me off from people entirely?! You want to hear about that!? Will that make you feel better?!"

Rachel: Irritation ignited, Rachel grasped at the coffee table and pulled herself to her feet, grabbing her phone in the process. As she walked backwards toward the door, she held her arms out as she spoke, "Yes, I want to hear about all of that, and it would make me feel somewhat better because at least then I'd know I'm not the only one that's fucked up in this relationship… But, whatever, Paige."

Rachel: Turning, she wrenched the door open and walked out, slamming it shut behind her. As soon as she'd done it, she realized it had been stupid, but she wasn't about to go back in there now.
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Re: 6/21 Instance: A Bargain of Necessity

Post by Slarti »

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Re: 6/21 Instance: A Bargain of Necessity

Post by TechPrincess »

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Paige :husk -------- Emma :emma -------- Hope :jean
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Re: 6/21 Instance: A Bargain of Necessity

Post by Slarti »

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Re: 6/21 Instance: A Bargain of Necessity

Post by Starfish »

So well played. And so very, very sad. :(

Cessily will be there to offer counsel and comfort to either of them. In any way she can. :shifty
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Re: 6/21 Instance: A Bargain of Necessity

Post by Ferguson »

Yesssss.
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Re: 6/21 Instance: A Bargain of Necessity

Post by TechPrincess »

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Paige :husk -------- Emma :emma -------- Hope :jean
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tears~fall~like~glass
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Re: 6/21 Instance: A Bargain of Necessity

Post by tears~fall~like~glass »

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Re: 6/21 Instance: A Bargain of Necessity

Post by Chaos »

Called it. :x

Still hurts.

Oh gahd...
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