8/23 Instance: Grey Truths

[Svartfreja]

Timelined after [Instance]White Lies.


<Shaw> He'd been too restless to stay in their room and despite his somewhat more free access to some of Sarkissian's projects he was clearly not wanted in most of the labs. After killing time chatting with a few scientists and fellow engineers who seemed refreshingly not utterly mad, Sebastian found himself at loose ends again.

<Shaw> Surely, he reasoned, Jessica should be nearly through with assisting Dr. Farnsworth for the day. He made his way to the lab, but found it empty of life - aside from the insects, of course. There was warm coffee on the desk, so he reasoned the women couldn't be far and opened his mind to search for his wife.

<Julia> Julia strolled back into her lab, her vision obscured by a pile of paperwork, and crashed into Sebastian letting out a small squeak of surprise in the process.

<Shaw> He whirled to face his attacker, and met with an explosion of papers and a small sputtering woman. "Dr. Farnsworth?" Automatically, he crouched to pick up the papers, looking behind her for Jessica. "My apologies."

<Julia> "Oh no! My fault, I wasn't looking..." totally her fault for not having x-ray specs. They probably had some somewhere in this facility. She hurried to gather up the papers herself, "Um... is everything okay?"

<Shaw> "No faults, it's just an accident." He managed to look at a few papers before he handed them back, but saw nothing of interest.

<Shaw> "Yes," he said, licking his lips as he realized he still didn't sense his wife. "I was just looking for Jessica."

<Julia> "Oh... um... is she here?" Julia glanced around the lab, "She wasn't here when I went to check the printer in the other lab..."

<Shaw> "No," he said, drawing out the word as he looked the woman over again. "I thought she was already here."

<Julia> Julia shook her head, now confused, "She hasn't been here all day... are you sure she was here?"

<Shaw> "She said she was coming to see you." Sebastian shoved the last of the papers back into the woman's hands and moved past her to the door. Lowering his shields, he stalked down the hallway.

<Julia> Julia stared after him for a long moment before deciding it was safer not to ask and hurrying back to work.

<Shaw> Sebastian couldn't sense her. He'd been distracted and hadn't specifically reached for her for hours. Now he cursed himself that he'd not truly noticed the absence of her presence in his mind before this moment. Foolish. How could he let down his guard in a place like this?

<Shaw> Swearing, he lashed out and punched a wall as he rounded a corner. Now, he'd need to find a lackey and throttle him until Sarkissian turned up.

<Viper> Viper happened to be on her way to visit Julia for an update and appeared at the other end of the corridor, tapping away on a holographic screen that hovered ahead of her while the agents ducked out of her way.

<Shaw> This business with Hope had him distracted, not to mention the update he'd received from Yukio had been less than satisfactory. And he was still distracted, as he didn't notice Sarkissian had appeared as if summoned. Resisting the urge to break into a run and blindside the woman, he leaned against the wall and observed her as he fought for control.

<Viper> Viper spied him through the transparent screen but was content to ignore him and the hole in the wall beside him for now and she didn't slow down as she made to pass him.

<Shaw> He stepped out in front of her.

<Viper> That did make her stop, raising an eyebrow at him as she pushed the screen to one side, "Yes, Sebastian. What can I do for you?"

<Shaw> "Where is she?"

<Viper> There was no change in Viper's expression. "There are a lot of shes in the building, Sebastian, could you possibly be more specific?"

<Shaw> His eyes narrowed. "This is not the time to try my patience, Sarkissian. Jessica! Where is she?"

<Viper> Testing his patience was entirely too much fun. "Oh so she didn't tell you... you two really do have some communication issues you should be working on."

<Shaw> Sebastian took a step closer and leaned in to hiss at the woman. "She didn't tell me what?" he ground out.

<Viper> Again, Viper's expression remained entirely neutral. Intimidation was not something that was especially effective on someone incapable of feeling fear. "She had an early dinner then went to visit Hope in the hospital again. I expect she'll be back soon."

<Shaw> He sucked in a surprised breath and moved back, studying the woman.

<Viper> Viper moved the screen back into her field of vision and pulled up a satelite feed that tracked the teleportation device she'd loaned to them for visiting the hospital in DC. She tapped the blinking beacon on the screen and it zoomed in, showing the little dot moving to a quiet location for the trip home.

<Shaw> Eyes narrowed, Sebastian watched. Why wouldn't she tell him?

<Viper> "There. She is home now. Perhaps you should return to your room instead of putting holes in my walls."

<Shaw> Lip curled, he bared teeth at Sarkissian and turned on his heel to stalk off.

<Viper> "You should learn to relax more, Sebastian," Viper called after him, "Being this agitated all the time is not good for your blood pressure. We wouldn't want anything happening to you!"

<Shaw> Sebastian slowed, but didn't stop to dignify her with a response.

<Jessica> Jess was a little confused to find their room empty when she returned but decided the quiet would be nice for a little while and went to put the kettle on.

<Shaw> He was excellent at finding his way back to the room now, so he was soon at their door. Their link was back, but he hid his agitation. She was calm and unharmed and that was all that mattered, or so he told himself.

<Shaw> Going inside, he closed the door and leaned on it, watching her make tea. Sharky waddled up to him and he gave the creature a wan smile, then blew out a long breath and crouched to pet him.

<Jessica> Jess glanced over her shoulder as he came in, giving him a small smile, "Where did you go?"

<Shaw> "I could ask the same," he responded after a long moment.

<Jessica> "I told you where I went," Jess turned back to her tea. Sure, it had been a lie but she'd told him all the same.

<Shaw> "No, Sarkissian told me where you went." He picked up her pet.

<Jessica> "Oh..." she frowned a little, "I'm sorry... but I thought, if I told you where I was going you'd want to come with me and I wanted to go on my own..."

<Shaw> Clearing his throat, he weighed his response as he paced. "How is she?"

<Jessica> "Complaining about how bored she is and how shit the food is so... not so bad...." she turned and leaned against the counter while she waited for her tea to brew, "I told her I'd help find Chris... tried to avoid telling her how but you know how she is... so I lied a bit... figured she wouldn't like the actual answer...."

<Shaw> "It seems that avoiding the truth has become something of a pattern." He sighed and finally dropped Sharky onto the sofa before he followed the creature, sliding into the seat and rubbing both hands over his face.

<Jessica> "That's what happens when you hide out with terrorists...." She chewed her lip, glancing at her tea, "Um... did you want some?"

<Shaw> "No." He leaned forward, bracing his forearms on his knees.

<Jessica> "Okay..." she turned to finish making the tea, taking her time with it and wondering why she felt like she was in trouble again.

<Shaw> Eyes closed, he ignored Sharky nosing under his arm for attention.

<Jessica> Tea made, she moved to join him on the sofa. After a short silence, she decided to just rip the bandaid off. "What's wrong, Sebastian?"

<Shaw> "I had hoped I could find a good time to tell you this, to not pile one lie atop another, but it seems it's too late." He watched her from the side of his eyes.

<Jessica> Jess frowned, the confusion obvious, "I don't... what are you talking about?"

<Shaw> Sebastian sat up and turned toward her, taking her in. "I didn't want to hurt you. I've never wanted to hurt you, but I've failed in that respect, many times over."

<Jessica> The confusion didn't lessen and was rapidly joined by anxiety. "Sebastian.... I don't know what you're talking about but you're scaring me...."

<Shaw> "I should have told you this, well, long before now." Licking his lips, he debated if she would welcome it if he took her hand, then did it anyway. "Monet... was not able to watch me all the time, unfortunately."

<Jessica> "I know... I managed to avoid talking to her for a while...." Jess was a little worried about where this was going, her eyes falling to their hands.

<Shaw> "To Monet, or Hope?" Now he was confused, watching her face.

<Jessica> "Monet, obviously...." she looked up at him, "What's Hope got to do with it?"

<Shaw> He sighed. "Rather a lot, point of fact..."

<Jessica> Jess' nose wrinkled as her conversation with Tony came back to her, "Is this about the naked thing? Because I heard about that from Tony..."

<Shaw> "Well," he said, drawing out the word. Tony could have warned him, he decided with a frown. "Yes, however, as you might expect when Monet left me to my own devices... I did what always came most naturally before I met you, love."

<Shaw> Sebastian met her eyes and lowered his shielding to let her feel his regret. "I'm so sorry, koibito."

<Jessica> Wait. "Sorry for what? It's just skin... I'm sure she freaked out enough that you suffered at the time..." She had the distinct feeling she was missing some other part of the story.

<Shaw> "Oh, I did," he said, a flicker of a smile crossing his face at that memory. "She nearly sterilized me the first time... however..." He sighed. "The second time, she was drunk, and so was I."

<Jessica> And there it was. "There was a second time?"

<Shaw> "Yes. I'm sorry. It was... early. Before I realized there was something truly wrong... before I believed you..."

<Jessica> Jess slowly withdrew her hand from his, pushing her free hand through her hair and getting to her feet. "Why're you telling me this now...?"

<Shaw> "When she sobered, I thought she was overreacting... she told me it had been a mistake, that I was married..." He stared at the sofa, the words coming out more quickly now that he'd started. "It wasn't until she said I was like a father to her that I listened. The sheer ludicrousness of it..."

<Jessica> She shook her head, trying to process the information she didn't want to hear. "Why are you telling me this now?"

<Shaw> Sebastian looked up at her. "Hope didn't want me to tell you at all, but after I remembered - after I apologized to her - I told her you and I do not keep secrets from one another."

<Jessica> "Why are you telling me this?!" Jess hated repeating herself at the best of times, "Why would you tell me this now?!"

<Shaw> His own frustration boiled over. "I should have told you before I ever came back to you!"

<Jessica> "Yes you should have but now it doesn't even matter so why the hell would you tell me this right now? On top of everything else?" And she was crying now which just pissed her off even more.

<Shaw> "Because!" He swore, jerking to his feet to find somewhere in the small space to pace. There was nowhere to go, and he looked at her again, now noticing her tears. He sighed. "Because," he said more softly, "the child could have been mine."

<Jessica> Jess found her back to the wall and slid down it, putting her face in her hands. She didn't know what to say, all of it becoming too much to wade through.

<Shaw> "I'm so, so very sorry, love."

<Jessica> "Stop talking. Just... stop..." She moved one hand down to her stomach and drew her knees up.

<Shaw> He swallowed, sucking in an uneven breath to try to calm his own reaction. "Would you like me to go?"

<Jessica> "I'd like you to shut up so I can decide whether or not I'm angry with you."

<Shaw> Sebastian closed his mouth with a click of teeth, eyebrows rising.

<Jessica> Jess closed her eyes and tried to calm down, shielding her thoughts and feelings from their link as best as she could so she could try and draw a line under it. "Your timing is shit."

<Shaw> "I know." He decided against elaborating and instead slid down the wall himself - close, but not too close.

<Jessica> "I can't be angry with you for doing something you didn't know was wrong at the time... that's not fair..." she sighed, looking down at the bump, "But that you waited this long... Sebastian, I'd rather you hadn't told me."

<Shaw> "It seemed... unfair." He was studying his hands. "Yes, especially since she... lost the child." Pausing, he cleared his throat. "None needed be any the wiser, but I didn't like the idea of keeping something like this from you."

<Jessica> "I don't know how you're expecting me to take this.... how you want me to take this...."

<Shaw> "I don't know, love. That's up to you." Rubbing both hands over his face, he watched Sharky snuffling around the edge of the sofa. "Hope likely would not have told me herself, if I hadn't caught her at the penthouse with the pregnancy test."

<Jessica> "She let me believe that it was Chris'... I'd have been perfectly happy going along with that...." she pushed the ends of her fingers into her hair, "Though I suppose... this makes us even now..."

<Shaw> "Frankly, she and I had done an excellent job of pretending it hadn't happened until she took that test... then I felt honor bound to assist her, especially considering the situation with Nord." He looked over at her curiously.

<Jessica> Jess waved a hand dismissively at the look, "Doesn't matter... pretty sure she doesn't even know about that anyway."

<Shaw> Head cocked, he decided to let it go. For now.

<Jessica> Karma sure was a bitch. Jess nodded to herself for a moment before she remembered there was tea and levered herself up to go get it.

<Shaw> Watching her, he pulled his legs out of her way and curled up.

<Jessica> "Okay... so... now what?" She turned to face him, looking down at him as she sipped her tea.

<Shaw> "I didn't want this to come between us, for a lie to surface somewhere down the line. Obviously, it would not have happened were I in my right mind... but in the end I still betrayed you."

<Shaw> Hugging his knees was strangely therapeutic at the moment, though he realized he likely looked pathetic. "So, what now is entirely up to you."

<Jessica> "I don't know what I'm supposed to do," she sat down on the edge of the coffee table, "I want to just forget about it and pretend it didn't happen but I don't know if that's fair to you or Hope right now so it's not really up to me at all...."

<Shaw> "I believe Hope would prefer it forgotten... she and I haven't spoken... not since yesterday at the hospital." He closed his eyes. "I would like to forget it as well."

<Jessica> "Then... it's forgotten." In reality it would take a while to properly move on but she could try.

<Shaw> Looking up at her, he nodded. It was a relief, but at a tremendous cost.

<Jessica> And now there was all this tension in the air she didn't know how to diffuse. "I... I think I'll go take a shower..."

<Shaw> He swallowed, found himself nodding again and stopped. "Thank you," he finally said.

<Jessica> She offered a small smile and went over to him, bending to press a kiss to the top of his head.

<Shaw> Sebastian reached out and caught her hand, kissing first her knuckles and then her palm.

<Jessica> She sighed and set her tea down to take both his hands in hers and pull him up, "Why don't you come and join me?"

<Shaw> Surprised, he stood, finding his movements a little awkward. After squeezing her hands, Sebastian moved forward to embrace her tight, one hand threading into her hair.

<Jessica> Jess wrapped her arms around him and returned the hug, turning her head to kiss his cheek softly.

<Shaw> He smiled and turned his face into the crook of her neck, breathing her in.

<Jessica> "Come on..." she stepped back from him a little and took his hands again, tugging him toward the bathroom.

<Shaw> Following her lead, he frowned and paused before they entered the bathroom. "One last thing..."

<Jessica> She frowned too as his stop caused a tug on her hand, "Hmm?"

<Shaw> "No more lies between us?"

<Jessica> She sighed, giving a somewhat reluctant nod, "Alright..." she'd try.