Timelined after Tick Tock and Should Have Been Me
<Shaw> The chair was uncomfortable, but Sebastian was undeterred. He sipped his coffee while the two occupants of the bed slept on.
<Shaw> He hadn't really known her well when she was with Storm, and the most he'd learned of their relationship was after the boy was dead and gone. Then there was Nord. He'd seen far more of their relationship than he'd wanted, and her self destruction.
<Shaw> It was strange, how quickly she'd formed this bond with Shinobi. Watching them together, they'd seemed rather surprisingly good for one another. He could only hope that wouldn't change.
<Hope> Hope was warm and cozy in her place beside Shinobi, snuggled into him. She became aware of the second telepath as she began to wake, yawning as she did. How long had she been asleep?
<Shaw> Good morning, little Stark. I trust you slept well? He smirked, watching her stir in her place still curled against the young man.
<Hope> She smirked back at him, finally opening her eyes. I always do with him. Well usually. She settled her eyes on Sebastian, blinking a few times as her eyes adjusted.
<Shaw> Then we're quite fortunate he's doing so well, yes? His gaze flicked to Shinobi and back to Hope. I brought you coffee, but it's cold. Would you like fresh?
<Hope> She glanced at Shinobi when he did, but quickly looked back at her dad, shaking her head. No. I'm fine. Thanks though.
<Shaw> His head tipped sideways while he regarded her. Hope Stark turning down coffee? Are you certain?
<Hope> She nodded, nuzzling Shinobi just a bit. I'm sure.
<Shaw> You look much better, love. He fought down his instinctive twitch at the show of intimacy.
<Hope> Thank him, she pointed out, smiling softly and pressing her hand over Shinobi's, careful not to wake him.
<Shaw> He did save your life... in that cell. Again, his eyes strayed to the boy. He was still pale, which was to be expected.
<Hope> Yes. Yes he did. He tried to get me out of there. That's all he and David did. She looked back at Shinobi, her hand moving to his cheek. His poor face...
<Shaw> Would you like to talk about what happened there? He took a sip of coffee.
<Hope> No. she shuddered, keeping the memories from surfacing. No I would not.
<Shaw> Well, if and when you wish to... It was, after all, rather important on several levels to learn exactly what happened in that lab.
<Hope> Will never do? she questioned him.
<Shaw> Sebastian arched a brow at her.
<Hope> She gave him a look to confirm yes, yes she was serious.
<Shaw> He snorted softly. Have it your way, little Stark.
<Hope> It's not something I want to discuss. Ever. And I have to with Shinobi at some point. That's bad enough. She stroked Obi's cheek, swallowing hard and trying to keep her emotions in check.
<Shaw> Sipping his coffee, he decided to let the matter rest for the moment. How is he?
<Hope> She shrugged. Not good... but that's expected.
<Shaw> This is, of course, the worst possible way for him to have learned the truth.
<Hope> The sarcastic comment was on the tip of her tongue, but she bit it back. It was the worst possible way. Yeah. Yeah it was. She looked at Shinobi, chewing her lip a bit. It was the absolute worst.
<Shaw> This is not at all what I wanted for him - for either of you. He slowly stood and moved to the other side of the bed to inspect Shinobi's visible injuries. He was healing well at least.
<Hope> If you had, we'd be having a very different conversation. She watched him as he moved closer to Shinobi.
<Shaw> He took a sip of his coffee and brushed back the boy's dark hair. I am sorry for what happened the night you left the house. And for London.
<Hope> Me too, she returned softly. I don't know that I ever told you that to form me into his weapon, Essex forced me to watch war strategies. I... don't ever challenge me at Risk.
<Shaw> Sebastian glanced up at her, studying for a moment before he smirked. I'll keep that in mind.
<Hope> She nodded, nestling into Shinobi better. It didn't matter anyway. They would have found him anywhere.
<Shaw> That made him look up sharply. What do you mean?
<Hope> They were looking for him. She brushed Obi's hair back a bit.
<Shaw> He was the target. Sebastian frowned, staring down at his faux son. He'd intentionally steered his conversation with Jessica away from the topic of Shinobi, but now...
<Hope> She nodded. I guess it's really narcissistic, but I thought I was. Well... I was an obvious target.
<Shaw> You are. And I as well... but it was him... He sighed and smoothed the blanket over him.
<Shinobi> Waking to Hope's hand in his hair, he stretched a little and smiled without opening his eyes.
<Hope> Smiling despite herself, Hope paused and watched Obi. They took great joy in the fact that we're close.
<Shaw> The boy was stirring now, and he studied them together. It was good that they were so close, he supposed. I'm sorry, love.
<Shinobi> "Hey," he said, finally opening his eyes. Hope was there, certainly, but so was the man he'd believed his father.
<Hope> That wasn't your fault. She smiled more, kissing Shinobi's cheek. "Hey."
<Shinobi> Sebastian was staring at him - at them and he glanced at Hope. What's going on?
<Shaw> "How are you feeling?" he asked by way of greeting.
<Hope> Just... kind of talking. About how you were the target. She swallowed. Should she not have?
<Shinobi> "Better," he allowed, giving the man a wary look. Yeah? So that's why he's here?
<Shaw> "Good." His gaze shifted from Shinobi to Hope and back.
<Hope> No. He's here to check on us. Both of us. she assured him, snuggling a little again.
<Shinobi> Yeah, I'm sure. Uncomfortable, he focused on Hope instead.
<Hope> She softened her expression. Obi...
<Shaw> He knew they were communicating, and drank his coffee quietly, taking a step back to allow them a moment.
<Shinobi> One corner of his mouth twitched. Yeah, yeah.
<Hope> "I'm glad you're awake," she told Obi, tapping the tip of his nose. She heard Sebastian sip his coffee and instantly regretted not having him bring her some. Too late now.
<Shinobi> "To share the... joy of our company?" He put on a smirk for Sebastian.
<Shaw> Unimpressed, he smiled blandly.
<Hope> "Are you sassing me?!" She asked him, wrinkling her nose at him.
<Shinobi> He grinned, returning the nose wrinkle.
<Hope> Hope giggled at him and stole a quick kiss. She couldn't help it!
<Shaw> "Shinobi," he began, unwilling to watch more of their display. "I'm certain you have questions, and if you would like to talk... whenever you're ready."
<Shinobi> His expression slipped and he stared at the man. Whenever he was ready? What was the point now?
<Hope> Hope shot Sebastian a look. Really? I told him I was never talking about things with him.
<Shaw> He could practically hear the wheels whirring and grinding in the young man’s head and could certainly hear his attempts to control his breathing.
<Shinobi> "I'm ready now." He attempted to calm himself and push upright in the bed.
<Hope> Hope immediately moved so he had room to do that, sitting up herself.
<Shaw> His eyebrow twitched, but he didn't argue. Taking a sip of coffee, he openly assessed Shinobi’s demeanor. “Normally I would suggest we have a drink,” he decided. “It would serve us both well, considering.”
<Hope> Do you want me to go? she offered, looking to Shinobi.
<Shinobi> He took her hand in answer. Sebastian was watching them again. Stalling. Of course he was stalling. Frustrated, he knew better than to express it, but moved closer to Hope. “Why?”
<Shaw> It occurred to him to pretend he didn’t understand the question, but the time for evasion was long over. Strolling slowly back to the chair. Taking a sip, he balanced the cup on his knee and met Shinobi’s eyes. “I believe I should start at the beginning.”
<Shinobi> He huffed. “Of course you do, you long-winded old bastard.”
<Hope> Hope had to look down to hide the smirk. He woke up sassy today! She peeked up at Sebastian again once her face was stoned over. Wanting to slow solidarity with Shinobi, she laced their fingers together in their joined hands and relaxed. He was always there for her. Now it was her turn.
<Shaw> Letting that slide, Sebastian took another drink. “Well, because the why of the matter is complex, and I’m unsure what Oyama told you.” He leaned in to maintain eye contact. “I did not know you existed until I received the call from Fury. That is the absolute truth.”
<Shinobi> “Because if you’d known, you would have swooped in to save me? Is that it?” He sneered. “Spare me.”
<Shaw> “No. You would have died.” Sebastian bared his own teeth. “Rest assured, it’s best I did not know until you were safely behind bars.” He thanked heavens Jessica wasn't here for this.
<Hope> Like they had killed Hope's clone. She felt sick. Had they made a mistake? She held out her hand, using her power to pull Sebastian's cup over to her.
<Shaw> He blinked down at the levitating cup and shook himself, staring at Hope. Now, all he could see was her holding that crying infant, her expression lost and bereft.
<Shinobi> Startled himself, he watched the cup sail into her hand.
<Shaw> Wasn't this exactly what he was trying to avoid? What he'd promised both Jessica and himself he wouldn't do? Sebastian closed his eyes and drew in a deep breath.
<Hope> The cup gave her something to hold onto as she took a sip. It didn't exactly settle her stomach, but it didn't make it worse. "We should all be thankful you weren't found sooner," she pointed out softly.
<Shaw> "She's quite right," he said after a moment, opening his eyes to seek out his son's. Damn these children. "And... I should have told you the truth before now. This... was no way for you to find out."
<Shaw> Shinobi blinked, looking down at his lap and the bandages hidden by the blankets.
<Hope> Hope drank the last of the coffee, trying to stay calm. She had proper motivation to keep most of that to herself, but it was easier if she was calm to begin with. She tightened her hold on Shinobi's hand, looking over at him.
<Shinobi> He was trying to stay calm, but failing miserably. “What am I?” he asked, voice hushed and shaking and completely out of his control.
<Hope> Setting the cup aside, she could slide closer to him, slipping her free arm around his stomach gently, very gently. Her head landed on his shoulder. "They took DNA from Sebastian and Oyama's granddaughter. The sister of the guy...." she swallowed. He knew. "Essex found a way to combine the DNA and create new life. Oyama wanted to recreate the process."
<Shinobi> He closed his eyes, lips pressed together. She'd known this all along. Every time he'd shared his desire to find his mother, every memory of his life in Omaha...
<Shaw> "Essentially, yes," he said with a sigh. "Exactly how it was done? I'm afraid we can hardly ask Essex for his notes."
<Hope> Hope shook her head quickly. Nope. Nope. NOPE! She knew. Oh she knew. Her lips pressed tightly together as she clung to Shinobi's hand.
<Shinobi> Lost in his own misery, he drew in a shuddering breath. “He told me… he told me I was an experiment. A failed experiment.” Shinobi swallowed, eyes downcast. “There were others, but I was the only one that lived.”
<Shaw> Sebastian watched the boy, processing his words and cursing to himself. Of course there were others.
<Hope> "That's why they wanted you. You were the key to unlocking the process." She spoke softly, trying to quickly sort out her own shit so she could comfort him.
<Shinobi> "Lucky me." He covered his face with his free hand, pressing his thumb and forefinger into the corners of his eyes.
<Shaw> “SHIELD ran a full genetic profile on you, and I have since had several additional profiles completed. As Hope said, you were created from genetic material taken from me and Kenji Oyama’s granddaughter, Yuriko, without consent, and most likely at the behest of the former Lord Imperial.”
<Shinobi> “No. He knew,” he said quietly.
<Hope> "Who knew?" she asked him softly, sitting up enough to look at him again.
<Shinobi> “The old man.” Who was what? His great-grandfather? After a fashion? He killed his great-grandfather.
<Shaw> Sebastian slid his chair a tad closer. “The old man knew what?” He softened his tone, sensing the boy was near to an edge he didn’t wish to see crossed. Not anymore. Questioningly, he looked at Hope for answers.
<Hope> "The old man knew about the project? He gave consent?" she asked Obi, shuddering at the thought. Did they do to Yuriko what they did to her?
<Shinobi> “He was part of it. They were trying to make… pawns. They mixed up a lot of the Hellfire Club families… like a genetic cocktail or something. Some cooperated, some didn’t. They were trying to make their own mutants; ones that they could control.”
<Hope> "That's what they all were. In that room." Hope shuddered, pulling her hand from his waist to press to her head. Oh shit. Shinobi didn't know about that part. "We found the result of their project."
<Shaw> It made sense, which did nothing to quell the rage rising inside. Sebastian leapt to his feet and made a circuit of the room. This was beyond the final straw and if the man wasn't already dead...
<Shinobi> He looked at his fa- Sebastian and then to Hope. "What?"
<Hope> She shrugged a little. That's his club. His friends. His people. I guess. I don't know. I don't want to think about it!
<Shinobi> Shaking his head, he searched her face. Not that... "What did you find?" He swallowed, the old man's voice creaking in the back of his mind. Essex was a fool, and you, Purojekuto Shinobi, are a mistake.
<Hope> Hope found his face. She found her anchor... and paused. He was going to hate her. "Do you really want to know?"
<Shinobi> Confused, he looked between the two again. Sebastian was still swearing and muttering, and searching through his phone now. Useless. "...I think..." Steeling himself, he met her eyes with a nod. "Yeah. What?"
<Hope> "We found them in the early stages of life. Tanks filled with them. One... one in particular. Mine. My DNA." She looked away from Shinobi to Sebastian. "And she had my power."
<Shinobi> "Tanks? What the fu-" But he knew. He'd seen it before, hadn't he? In Essex' facilities. "Fuck." Taking back his hand, he covered his face with both.
<Shaw> Distracted from his burgeoning quest, Sebastian returned to the bedside. He had no idea what to say.
<Hope> Hope's arms moved around her own body instinctively, holding herself and covering her body. "An artificial womb with accelerated growth."
<Shinobi> He felt her move and realized what she'd said. One with her DNA... her clone. Fuck. Dropping his hands, he slid his arm around her. "I'm so sorry they did that to you," he said quietly.
<Hope> She shook as she curled up next to him, swallowing down the lump in her throat. She made sure the blanket covered her before continuing. "I don't know how they did the blending, but the basic components of life must have been used or they couldn't have created life."
<Shaw> Sebastian narrowed his eyes, taking in her phrasing.
<Shinobi> "Yeah I don't..." He frowned, looking at her questioningly, but he couldn't see her face.
<Hope> She shrank under the dual gaze, hiding behind her hair, blankets, Shinobi, and all of the above. They had taken something from her.... which meant they must have taken the other half from Shinobi. Of course, they had said his DNA wasn't good to copy again. Which meant it very well could have been the man Jess killed. She shuddered. Hard.
<Shinobi> Feeling her reaction, he sucked in a breath and held her closer. "It's okay..." He was sure neither of them believed that, but what could he say?
<Shaw> Hope's words came back to him. They took great joy in the fact that we're close. "Christ," he muttered. He was going to wipe the Oyama clan from the face of the earth.
<Hope> Now you know why I didn't want to talk about it. She buried her face into Shinobi, blocking out everything but him.
<Shinobi> I know. It's okay. He had questions, but now wasn't the time. Instead, he rested his chin on top of her head and tried to slow his breathing. After a few moments, he locked eyes with Sebastian. The man hadn't known everything, that much was obvious.
<Shinobi> "Why..." His throat closed and he had to fight through it. "What did you hope to gain by letting me believe I was your son?"
<Shaw> Sebastian regarded him with pursed lips, debating his options. Then, he nodded to himself. "You deserve the truth. Of course, at first, it was in an attempt to win you to my side, as an eventual asset against Oyama."
<Shinobi> It was what he'd expected, but it still stung. Tensing his jaw, he gave a tight nod.
<Hope> "People shouldn't be weapons." She hadn't known the reason at least. She liked to think she wouldn't have gone along with it, but who was she kidding? Before she had known him? She might have. I didn't know that. she felt necessary to tell him.
<Shaw> "However, you did not ask to be created. You did not ask to be used. So, as you do share my DNA, I felt more than a measure of responsibility for you." He attempted a smile. "I do want you to become you own man, and you have."
<Shinobi> That was surprising enough to make him blink, and he truly wanted to believe Hope was telling him the truth. This time.
<Hope> Share his DNA... a measure of responsibility... she had failed. She had failed Obi, the infant, and herself. She should have fought harder to protect her! Grief and shame washed over her as she hid her face with her hands.... the hands that had handed over the child to her death.
<Shinobi> He felt the shift in Hope and looked at her questioningly.
<Shaw> It took Sebastian a moment to wonder what had set her off this time. There were so many options. He paused and watched her reaction.
<Shinobi> Confused, he looked between them. "What?"
<Hope> "I let him kill her." The words came out amidst her sob.
<Shinobi> "Let who kill...who?" He shot Sebastian a venomous glare. They killed her clone? He killed her clone?
<Hope> "David did," she choked out, drowning in her own guilt. She should have stopped him. She could have stopped him.
<Shaw> "Hope, love... that's a different situation..." He glanced at Shinobi.
<Hope> "Is it?!" She snapped at him, pulling her knees up tightly to her chest. It wasn't different. She'd let Obi down. Of all the people there... she was the one who should have fought harder.
<Shaw> "Yes, it most certainly is." He frowned, acutely uncomfortable.
<Shinobi> "David killed... your clone." He was slowly processing this, watching Hope curl into herself.
<Hope> No it really wasn't. She shot Sebastian a look through her tears, but didn't push the issue. Shinobi was never going to forgive her for this.
<Shinobi> "You said, early stages of life. How early?" He looked at Hope for the answer.
<Hope> "She was a baby," she whispered to Obi, unable to look at him.
<Shinobi> A baby? They had been there a day at the most. "How..."
<Shaw> Sebastian cleared his throat. "Accelerated growth," he said, and met Shinobi's eyes with effort when the boy shot him a look. "It's quite likely that's why most didn't survive the process."
<Hope> "I'm so sorry," she whispered to Obi.
<Shinobi> "So... the difference is because I'm not a baby?" He looked directly at Sebastian.
<Shaw> "That is not the only consideration, but yes, that is certainly a portion of it." Sebastian crossed his arms. Damn these children.
<Hope> I wasn't willing to risk Tony... but I think I made a mistake, she told Shinobi, unable to speak anymore.
<Shinobi> Now he looked at Hope, completely forgetting to answer through their link. "Tony?!"
<Hope> "The obvious target that they would direct her at. I think.... I think they might have tried to replace me."
<Shaw> "That, yes, it a very large part of the equation. Also, there was no telling how long the, ah, infant would have survived, if at all."
<Shinobi> His eyes narrowed, realizing he was most definitely not planning to call the clone an infant. A thing. Just like him. The lump formed in his throat and he had to look away from them both.
<Hope> Hope had to look away when he did, covering her mouth with her hand. When would this end? When would this damn nightmare end! It was then that his thought registered in her mind. She turned back quickly, reaching for his cheek. Look at me.
<Shinobi> Jaw set, he swore to himself. Of course she was listening. This was why they should cut that damn link forever.
<Hope> Wordlessly, her hand fell. Of course. She phased through the bed to stand, finding the motion easier than fumbling with covers. She bent down, shaking as she put her shoes on.
<Shaw> Sebastian stepped back despite himself. "Hope?"
<Shinobi> Fuck. His shielding was shit, and he should have known better, but this was the danger of having someone in your head - some things weren't meant to be heard.
<Hope> "I'm going to find David." And then he was going to take her home. Shoes tied, she headed for the door.
<Shaw> "Hope, what's wrong?" He looked at Shinobi for an answer, moving to take her arm.
<Hope> She paused at the grab, glancing to the door. "I'm going to find David."
<Shaw> "If you'll pardon my saying, that's a rather sudden whim." Stepping in front of the door was useless he knew, but he tried it anyway.
<Shinobi> "Don't," he said, voice strained.
<Hope> Again with the blocking her? He knew she could walk right though him! She jerked her arm out of his grip. "I'm not saying it again."
<Shinobi> "Hope." I'm sorry. You know I didn't mean that... but it keeps hurting you. Sitting up with a wince, he moved to the side of the bed again.
<Hope> You clearly need time without me. She didn't bother looking at Obi, too busy staring Sebastian down.
<Shinobi> Biting his lip, he stared down at his bare feet on the floor. Perhaps she was right?
<Shaw> Sebastian arched a brow, but stepped aside with a sigh. He was not getting in the middle of their lovers' row.
<Hope> You know. That's part of what the damn thing is. It isn't just for the good. It's for the bad too. She turned to Shinobi now, rounding on him. I can't be here for you if you don't let me.
<Shinobi> He just stared up at her, unable to formulate a response. He was a wreck, she was a wreck - he didn't even know where to start.
<Hope> She stared back at him, her anger dissipating.
<Shaw> Sebastian cleared his throat. "Well. I believe I should let you rest." He waited for Shinobi to look his way and attempted a smile. "Shinobi, we'll talk another time. Anything I can do for you-"
<Shinobi> "That's not even my name!" he snapped, finding another target for his hurt and anger. "Did you know that too?"
<Hope> Hope flopped down into her abandoned chair, looking between them. It was so his turn.
<Shaw> Glancing at Hope's sudden change of direction, he crossed his arms again. "No, I did not. What is it then?"
<Shinobi> "It's the name of the program that fucking made me. So apparently? I don't even have a name, just some fucking serial number!"
<Hope> Name, rank, serial number. How handy that it was one word for him? She started to point out the very obvious fact that he could pick his own name then, but she didn't. He knew that already, surely. This wasn't about that. She chewed her lip a bit, watching him. What was she supposed to call him now?
<Shaw> "I'm sorry, but you do have a name." He took two careful steps closer. "It's Shaw."
<Hope> A tiny smile appeared on Hope's lips as she watched them from her hiding spot in the chair.
<Shinobi> He snorted, but found himself unable to meet the man's eyes. "Only because you wished to use me for your own purposes."
<Shaw> "No," he said, taking another step. "That hasn't been the case for some time now. However you wish to define our relationship, we are blood." Sebastian considered this and tipped his head to the side. "Or if you'd prefer not to define it. Either way, you are a Shaw."
<Hope> She started to say something, opening her mouth, but she closed it right away, looking down at her fingers instead. He'd ask if he wanted her opinion on something.
<Shinobi> He looked at Hope questioningly, sensing her desire to interject. "I don't know what I want. Apparently, I'm an Oyama too."
<Shaw> "You are, but I believe you've witnessed first-hand their brand of hospitality." He sighed. "As Jessica endlessly points out, I am fairly terrible at this." And it was still difficult to say, even though he did mean it. Shockingly. "You have become someone I would honored to consider a part of my family, otherwise I would not have taken to introducing you to all and sundry as my son."
<Hope> Hope highly suggested he act more like his Shaw half anyway. She'd have to punch him in the balls if he identified too much with his Oyama half. She pulled her knee up to her chest as she tried to hide a stomach cramp.
<Shinobi> He supposed Sebastian had a point there. He'd seen the paperwork, and unless it had all been an elaborate charade- Hissing at a sudden pain, he clamped a hand on his stomach. Fuck!
<Shaw> "Are you alright?" Sebastian moved in close, touching his shoulder. "Perhaps you should lie down if you're overdoing it."
<Hope> Are you okay!? Hope sent at the same time, unable to really speak.
<Shinobi> "Yeah..." he said in answer to both, wincing. "Maybe... maybe I should." Shinobi let Sebastian assist him, a situation he hadn't foreseen.
<Hope> "You should," she agreed. "Shaw men are terrible at taking care of themselves," she snorted a bit, easing her leg back down as the pain passed.
<Shaw> Sebastian's eyes slid sideways to regard her. He smirked. "Yes." Straightening and flicking the blanket over his son, he eventually slid his hands into his pockets. "I will let you rest. You have enough on your mind, I'm aware, and you need to concentrate on recovery."
<Shaw> "Starks share the same unfortunate condition," he said, turning to her.
<Hope> She considered that for a moment, then smirked. "Too busy keeping Shaws in line."
<Shinobi> He managed a faint smile at their sniping, rubbing his stomach just below the bandages.
<Shaw> "Whatever would we do without you," he deadpanned. "Rest. Both of you. I need to see to another Shaw."
<Hope> "You would have a very boring life," Hope muttered, curling up in her chair, rubbing her stomach a bit. "One with much less cheer and joy."
<Shaw> "Fewer ulcers, and a lighter grocery bill." He chuckled. "Rest," he ordered them both, then turned for the door.
<Hope> With no Sebastian to divert her attention to, Hope was left with only Shinobi. She glanced over at him, tucking her knee up to her chest again. "Goodnight, Obi."
<Shinobi> "Hey." He drew his hand out from under the covers and held it out to her, rolling his head to the side to give her another faint smile.
<Hope> She waited just a moment before pushing herself up and crossing to him, sliding into bed with him again.
<Shinobi> He waited for her to settle and then kissed her forehead. Peppermint. Always peppermint. It made him breath in deeply, feeling a different kind of ache. Forgive me?
<Hope> If you can me, she answered back, nuzzling him softly.
<Shinobi> I can. It is different. I was... nobody. A new thing... if that baby was a clone of you, that is a threat. He sighed and closed his eyes.
<Hope> Nestling down into him, Hope nodded. You aren't a thing, Obi. You never were. You are a person. My person.
<Shinobi> Your person, he agreed, enjoying her warmth and the certainty he felt from her. If only he could feel it for himself.
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