7/27 Instance: Those Who Wait.

[littlebamf]

To be timelined after Open Love but before Brand New Aunties

Lizzie wiped her hands on a towel, then again on the seat of her overall pants, the arms of which were tied round her waist and went back to polishing the final panel on the jet, one of the few things she always missed about the school.

And now seeing as she had all her pilots lisences...No more babysitting, she thought with a grin and went on polishing, careful to get all grubby fingerprints on her plain cotton tank top.

Cessily reluctantly peeked into the hangar, never having been there before except for once during her first tour around the school a while back. She had tried to find Lizzie back at her room, but had only encountered Warren, who had been kind enough to point her into this direction. Standing in the doorway, she again felt awed by the sleek black machine, just like she had been when she had seen it the first time.

Spotting Lizzie standing by the side of the jet and polishing its hull, she couldn't help but raise an eyebrow at her unusual clothing. One certainly didn't see Lizzie in that getup often. "Hey!" She said, slowly walking over in her direction, unsure if she was even allowed to just go in there.

"Oh, hey Cess," Lizzie looked over her shoulder and stepped away from the jet. "Come in - can I help you with anything?" she asked, again keeping a bit neutral. Yeah, she didn't need to e a precog to know what this may be about...

She took a dainty perch on an upturned crate and patted the one next to it, gesturing to Cess to sit down with her.

Cessily headed over to her a bit faster after the invitation, smiling just a little. "Uhm... yeah!" She began, sitting down next to her on the crate, folding her hands in her lap. "At least... I think you can."

"I mean, I know that you're friends with Kitty and Rachel and... uhm, so you probably can guess why I'm here, no?" Looking over to Lizzie, she fidgeted with her hands now. "I'm sure they have talked with you before and Remy isn't here because I would have talked to him if he were and so I thought I just come to you, you know?" Gee, slow down, girl!

Waiting for Cess to calm a little, she gave her a sad smile then leant across to pat her arm, after wiping her hand free of oil quickly. "Well...Yeah. I can guess. So I'll say for a start...I sort of know what you're going through, a little."

"Back in first year...I had a crush on another girl in my class. I got drunk and I ended up kissing her and...Well, it was foolish of me, as it would never have worked, but I had feelings for her. You can't help having feelings, it's part of what makes us human."

Cessily gave Lizzie a suprised look for a second or two, then smiled as she realized that she indeed seemed to understand. "Really? Wow, I guess you can really tell then in what situation I am right now." She made a face. "Though, I was perfectly sober when I decided to mess up and... I guess it gets even more complicated than that."

Folding her hands in her lap again, Cessily looked straight at the wall. "I kinda talked with all of them already and I guess we're past the worst part, but I seem to have this great talent to just keep on making things difficult and complicated for everyone involved." She sighed. "Like I just did once again, I'm afraid."

"Oh trust me it was complicated. I fell for TJ. When she was with Remy...I was having a ton of problems personally myself and..." sighing she itched her nose. "These things enjoy getting complicated."

"So, do you want to talk about how you think you're messing up?"

"You can say that again." She said to Lizzie's comment about complicated things, then nodded. "Yeah, I guess that would be best. You know, it's not only that I feel strongly for Rae, and I don't even know if she'll ever feel the same about me... That's probably my smallest problem." She thought a moment. "I confessed to Japh and... he was like totally awesome and understanding, which is so unbelievably great."

"And then I told him that I wanted to talk about his with him anyway, because I have these huge problems with normal relationships. It's that I just can't imagine to force myself to love only one persons if I have feeling for someone else... I'm just like that." Cessily sighed again. "And he's so understanding, told me that he'll think about it and all."

Looking at Lizzie, she continued. "And now there's Kitty. Ever since she told me how she really feels for me I can't stop thinking about her. And now... I like made up with her and all, but... but couldn't resist from telling her how I feel now and that I want to be with her, too." Sighing, she went on. "I guess she somehow understands what I meant, but is still terribly confused and unsure, and not I think that I'm just being a fool again."

"Life, love...It's never easy. But - I can tell you this. You always think your love for someone is the real deal, until you really get it. Looking back, I never really loved TJ. I just really fancied her, though I did care about her, but I didn't love her. It wasn't until Warren that...I realised what love really is."

"You might very well really love Japh or Kitty or Rae, but you're letting yourself get tied in knots for it. You care about them all so you're tyring to feel what will make them all happy."

"You're not making a mess, as such, yet anyway, you're just trying not to hurt anyone."

She thought about Lizzie's words. "Yes, you're right. I don't want to hurt them, just want them all to be happy." She pulled her legs up on the crate and hugged them. "But I also don't want to deny my own feelings. At the moment I pretty sure that I love all three. As friends, like a lover... I don't know... is there a difference? You know, McCoy once explained in class that love and attraction is all just brain chemistry and hormones."

"But... I don't even have a brain, let alone hormones... and still I feel that way about all of them. So... I guess it's different with me anyway. If they'd demand that I should decide for just one of them... I could never ever do that, you know? Maybe you're right and It'll sort itself out with Rae, because she probably doesn't even like girls, but I couldn't bring myself to not love Kitty and Japh if I know that they feel the same for me."

Looking at Lizzie, her expression became pleadingly. "Please, don't think that I'm a hussy who just wants to screw around with everyone. But I don't want to accept that I really have to settle for just one partner. That can't be the true meaning of love. Love cannot mean that I have to choose one person and then force myself to never love someone else again. That... makes no sense. I... I don't want that."

"Well...If what you want is an open relationship, at least until you figure it out, you have to make sure that's fine with Japh and Kitty. They might not want to share you."

"I don't think you're a hussy, Cess, I think you're just bowled over by everything. To be getting so much attention from so many places must be overwhelming, you need space to breath and space to think. But it's your choice. At the ed of the day it is always your choice."

"Never let someone pressure you into chosing or into thinking a certain way. Because, if they're trying to make you do that, then how can they care so much? I'm not saying this is what's going on, I must point out. I just mean it needs to be you who makes the desicion."

A smile appeared on Cessily's face. "Wow... you're really good at that. That makes sense. An open relationship is exactly how I imagine things to be, but I also want that the others are fine with it. That they feel happy and enjoy this as much as I do. You know, Remy told me the exact same thing, that I should never let myself be forced to thinking in a way that I do not believe in."

"Don't get me wrong, I want them to be happy. I don't want to push them away because I know that this would make them sad. But... call me a naive dreamer who lives in her own little rainbow wonderland, but that's the way I am, and... I guess I should be faithful to myself." Cessily smirked. "This is what you get when you’re raised by hippie-grandparents.”

"If you can't be faithful to yourself you can't be faithful to anyone," Lizzie gave her a small smile. "You do it your way."

Cessily nodded. "Thanks for understanding me. I hope Japh, Kitty and... maybe Rachel can see this, too. I don't want to break their hearts or make them feel like I wouldn't love them enough, but it would be so wonderful if they'd... like understand that none of them could claim me completely. Just like I would never demand of them to deny their feelings for someone else just for me."

She shrugged. "In case they talk to you about it.... maybe you could let them know this: I can't offer them faithfulness in the traditional catholic sense of the word, but what I can offer them is all the love I have. And if you ask me, that's much better than any empty vow of faithfulness."

Lizzie nodded in agreement. "Much. That's all a person can offer."

"And, don't worry about it. If you need to talk, I'm usually around. I'm getting quite used to this now, I must say. Don't think you'll be a pain or anything, it's important to talk about how you feel as if you don't, you usually can't see the solution."

Cessily showed a broad smile. "Yeah, that's true. It's all very much for me right now. Not long ago I believed that no one would ever want to be with me, and now... you get the idea. But thanks a lot. You really helped me here. Honestly." She laughed. "Hey, maybe you should do this on a... I don't know... professional basis? You're really good with that talking stuff... unlike me."

She blinked a little. "Yeah...People have said that to me before, but...I don't know. It's not something that's ever really interested me as a career."

"And no need to thank me, I might not want to do this as a job but I'll still always help my friends," she stood up and looked critically at the jet. Not much left really...Turning back to Cess she smiled. "How about some tea? Tea is a great cure for everything."

Straightening things up she looked over her shoulder at the other girl. "It feels overwhelming now but, it'll pass. Again, I know, though not first hand, that it can be hard to believe when someone wants to be with a person, but ...It works out. It really does."

Cessily beamed a big grin. "Yeah, tea sounds like the perfect plan at the moment." She jumped off the crate and straightened her pants and top. "And I can't really do anything right now. They need time for themselves to figure it out, so I can do nothing else but wait and hope for the best."

Her grin turned to a little smirk. "I just hope that they don't take too long with the figuring out part. It's been a while since my change... and all. And about the thanking you part, like it or not, but I've started practising cooking and so on. So... you'll probably have to put up with my brownies."

"Hah, well I suppose I'll have to take it as a perk of the job," she smiled and grabbed her bag from the corner. "They'll figure it out, but I am afraid you may have to be just a little patient."

Cessily nodded as she joined Lizzie on the way out. "Yeah, I think I can do that. Don't want to push them, and seriously, just the thought that someone really wants me like this still makes me totally ecstatic." Smiling to herself, she added: "And who knows? Maybe it's true and good things really come to those who wait."

[Slarti]

Hmm. Perhaps this is just my cynical nature speaking, but I still think this will end in dramallama.

[Starfish]

Oy, I really hope it's just your cynical nature. The dramallama is evil!