12/4 Instance: Crazy - Old and New.

[littlebamf]

Timeline current

<Selene> The mansion's library was quickly becoming one of Selene's favourite locations. It was usually quite and not much frequented by the other students, so it was a welcome refuge should the dorm become too noisy. Besides, her room was starting to bore her. In case she would stay at this place for a longer time, she'd have to do something about that.

<Selene> She sat in the lotus position on the floor behind the shelves of books, her eyes closed, focusing on her breath, and went through her meditative routine.

<Elizabeth> Stepping in to the library, Lizzie was pleased to find it vacant as always and dropped her bag on a table before headed off down the cases to find the books she needed for her projects.

<Elizabeth> Turning a corner to get some military books, she almost tripped over the new girl. "Oh. I'm sorry, I didn't know anyone was in here..." she looked at Selene carefully; was she meditating?

<Selene> Taking a deep breath at the disturbance, Selene carefully ended her routine, eventually breathing out slowly. Opening a single eye, she looked up at the other girl. "Hello, Lizzie. That was my intention when I picked this spot. No one knowing I am here, that is."

<Elizabeth> "Ah, yes, well the library isn't much of a hotspot. Kind of why I like it too."

<Elizabeth> "So how are you settling in?"

<Selene> "I also like it for the countless books they have here. I love books." Selene opened her other eye and folded her hands in her lap. "And for the solitude, that is true. I guess I'm doing all right, as far as I can tell. I mostly keep to my room when I'm not seeing Professor Xavier or the other teachers that he tells me to visit. I try to not disturb anyone."

<Elizabeth> Lizzie took a seat on the floor. "Oh I don't see how you could disturb anyone here at all. We're used to chaos." Giving her a smile, she spotted one of the books she needed and tugged it off the shelf and rested it in her lap.

<Selene> "I guess I could say the same. I'm quite used to chaos, too." Selene's gaze wandered over the rows of books, absently reading the titles. "This place is actually rather calm and orderly, in comparison."

<Elizabeth> "Oh you're saying that because you're still new here. You'll see," giving her a wink she settled back. "How are you finding Xavier's sessions? He helping you much? He's very good at his job I find."

<Selene> "Professor Xavier is very helpful. Although, we have barely started with the sessions and he says that we still have a long way ahead of us." Selene gave a nod. "But I'm very glad I found him and this place." She fidgeted with her fingers, looking down. "It's very unique. I have to admit I wouldn't have known what to do hadn't I heard of it and decided to come here."

<Elizabeth> Nodding in agreement, she tilted her head to one side. "I know that feeling. I dread to think what would have happened to me if I hadn't come here."

<Elizabeth> "Well, I'm not Xavier and not near his level or experience but if there's anything basic you need help with, telepathy wise, I have a free session."

<Selene> "You do?" Selene arched an eyebrow. She shifted slightly on the floor. "I just have had very basic exercises with Xavier so far. Basically, trying to turn my telepathy on and off when I want it to. It's very difficult for me, I have to admit." Tilting her head, she looked at Lizzie. "Would I have to sign up for your sessions somehow?"

<Elizabeth> "Oh, no not really. I just pass on help to other 'paths here as there isn't another student telepath who has been here longer. Plus I feel I owe Xavier as he had his work cut out with me. I was quite troubled for a while and took it out on him."

<Selene> Selene silently watched Lizzie for a couple of seconds, then shifted her gaze downwards when she started to rub at her boots with her fingers. "Apparently there is something aside from our telepathy that we have in common. Those sessions... are not easy." She cautiously glanced up again. "That is very helpful of you."

<Elizabeth> Smiling again, she shrugged. "They never are easy, but it gets easier. I know that sounds very wishful thinking or far away from now, but they do. So...Is there anything you need particular help with?"

<Selene> Pondering for a moment, Selene eventually shrugged, playing with one of the rings on her fingers. "I barely know anything about my 'gifts' except from what I've learned from Xavier so far. Others are in my mind, and I'm in theirs. He teaches me to switch it on and off. Beyond this, I have no control, no focus. It's just... chaos."

<Elizabeth> "Well. Telepathy is pretty chaotic. There are lots of differences between what telepaths can do, the exact nature of their gift but basically we all read minds"

<Elizabeth> "It can be hard when you first get it, because one day the world is suddenly living in your head and you don't know how to throw everyone out, without getting rid of your own being. When I was younger, my biggest fear was waking up and not being me any more, that someone else was in my head, but I wouldn’t know the difference."

<Selene> Selene slightly tensed up and began to rub at her arm. "I... know what you are talking about," she said in a low tone. "Yes, very much so." Her gaze flicked up again, meeting Lizzie's for a moment. Selene was mesmerized how much they seemed to be alike. See? She's been cursed just like you. "So, Xavier eventually helped you?" Look at her, she seems better now.

<Elizabeth> "Well. Xavier did help me, a lot. But I learnt I had to help myself first, before he could help me. You see, I didn't really admit some days that there was anything wrong with me and that everyone else had the problem."

<Elizabeth> "But then other days I knew I was really in need of help, I just didn't know where to start. It's confusing, telepathy."

<Selene> "Indeed, it is." Selene stared at the wall, momentarily lost in thought. "To a certain degree, I learned to help myself. At least, I learned to manage the consequences. Somewhat." She gave Lizzie a lopsided look. "I wouldn't be here, otherwise."

<Selene> "You already have seen me meditate." Selene swallowed. She wasn't used to open up so much to anyone. But they really seemed to have a lot in common. "I... would appreciate it if you could help with staying focused then."

<Elizabeth> "Alright, so how much sheilding have you done?" she put her book to one side and shifted so she was sitting more comfortably.

<Selene> "Only very little so far." Selene folded her hands again. "Professor Xavier is very cautious in regard to my mind."

<Elizabeth> "I see. Has he given a reason? Does he just want you to go slowly?"

<Selene> "He said that I have to be patient and have to very considerate and meticulous with the exercises." Selene silently looked at Lizzie before going on. "Apparently, my mind is a complicated, confusing place that shouldn't be explored carelessly."

<Elizabeth> Nodding, she wondered if she should actually be doing this with her then. Well. A very basic sheilding lesson couldn't hurt...

<Elizabeth> "Well, the way I see sheilding is that it keeps your mind safe, but that you don't lock yourself inside your head so that you can never get out or let others in should you need help one day."

<Elizabeth> "It helps if you can see shields as physical things, like walls or hedges, a giant bubble..."

<Selene> Selene thought about that for a moment. "I see. That sounds plausible. I should be able to visualize it this way." She frowned. "And I'd really prefer to not lock myself inside my own head. The outside world is much too intriguing to risk that."

<Elizabeth> "Quite. It's just something that could possibly happen if you ever concentrate on your shield too much."

<Elizabeth> "Do you get many headaches?"

<Selene> "Several times a day." She nodded. "I can't remember a time when I wouldn't have them. Sometimes they are really bad. They are caused by my powers, aren't they?"

<Elizabeth> "Unfortunately, yes. But they'll get better once your training progresses. I used to get them all the time when I was younger. Now I don't really have them. It's just a case of working with your powers."

<Elizabeth> "You basically have a lot of energy up here," Lizzie tapped her fingers against her temple. "And that energy is rushing around in your head, trying to find something to do. Until you find a way to channel and control it, it basically ends up giving you a huge headache."

<Selene> "I see. I'm glad to heat this. At the moment I take very many pain killers, but they only help to a degree. I want them to go away." Selene twirled a strand of her hair around her finger. "What you say makes sense to me. I tend to keep my powers inside as much as possible. They always do things I don't really want them to do."

<Selene> "After a while, the pain gets almost unbearable." Selene shook her head, sending her long hair flaying. "That's when it breaks out. I... I don't like it when that happens."

<Elizabeth> Biting down on her lip so hard it almost bled, Lizzie squeezed her blue eyes shut and took a breath before opening them again to look at Selene. "Don't take painkillers. I know that's easy to say, but they're making you worse. Don't take them."

<Elizabeth> "I know how bad the pain gets and I know, better than most people what happens when it spills over..."

<Selene> Selene blinked at Lizzie a few times. "Why? They make me feel better. They allow me to get some sleep. Make it bearable most of the days." She frowned at her, feeling unsettled by her reaction. "I'm taking them for years now. Though, they are not working as well as they used to."

<Selene> "You took them, too, didn't you?" Selene's eyes narrowed. "Why do you tell me that? What happened?"

<Elizabeth> "I grew so dependant on them I'd take an entire prescription a day, just so I could think clearly. I had more and more accidents and physically hurt people. And the more headaches I got the more I took when in fact, the medication was what was making me sicker."

<Selene> Selene nervously looked from side to side, trying to figure out what to think of this, or what to say to Lizzie. "I'm sorry to hear that you had such troubles," she flatly stated after a few seconds of silence. She breathed heavily, giving Lizzie a stare. "But I'm not willing to make any changes to my medication. I need it. It's essential for me."

<Selene> She looked away. "Maybe... I will reconsider this once I found another way to cope."

<Elizabeth> Why the heck had she told her that? Lizzie was surprised at herself; there were still quite a few people that didn't know about her addiction. But, none of them were in such a similar situation...

<Elizabeth> "You know? I said exactly the same ting to the school nurse when she took me off my painkillers after I overdosed. Well, I shouted, screamed and swore at her as well. But I said the same thing all the same."

<Selene> "I appreciate you concern, but this is my business." Selene continued to look to the side, staring at the back of some book. "I've spent considerable time to figure out what will help me and what I have to pay attention to. I know what I'm doing. And I won't overdose, rest assured." She rubbed her forehead. "But right now, there's no other option for me."

<Selene> She exhaled again, trying to focus as she looked back at Lizzie. "Will you now help me with my telepathy?"

<Elizabeth> Okay this was weird. Exactly like looking at herself almost three years ago. "I gave you some starting advice for sheilding. You'll have to work on that, for grounding, before doing much else. It'll help. And it takes a long time to get sheilding just so."

<Selene> Selene slowly nodded. "All right, I think I understood. I shall practise what you advised." She played with her rings again. "So, basically, I just focus and imagine to build some kind of fortress in my mind? Like say, a castle or a prison?"

<Elizabeth> "Whatever suits you the best," Lizzie shrugged. "It can be the Ivory Tower from the Neverending Story or Orthanc from Lord of the Rings or anything that would make you feel safe."

<Selene> "Ah I see. I should be able to integrate this into my existing meditation routine." Selene started to think about what actually would make her feel safe. This would most likely take a while. But Lizzie's suggestions were a good start. "I have read those books. And those places seem to be a decent choice. I always imagined them as huge and majestic."

<Selene> "I'd prefer them to thinking of confided places, really."

<Elizabeth> "Well how about a library?”

<Selene> "A library?" Selene pondered this for a moment, looking around. She had to admit that this place made her feel more comfortable than most of the others at the mansion. "This not a bad idea, actually. I've been to many libraries before. I always liked spending time in them." Her gaze went back to Lizzie. "Thank you."

<Elizabeth> "That's alright. It's best to think of something that makes you feel safe, but that varies from person to person. I just use castles as everyone can get the concept of why they would feel safe, but you don't have to use those examples at all."

<Selene> "Yes, that makes sense. And I think it should work." Selene thought of favourite libraries. Her voice almost sounded indulging now. "I remember many of those I've been to. Especially the really old ones, with their countless book, the thick sturdy walls and the gloomy atmosphere that lets you almost feel the grandeur and wisdom of all that knowledge that can be found there. And they are also large enough."

<Elizabeth> "Size doesn't matter, really. It's just being able to give your mental defences an actual picture in your mind, it makes it easier to create and hold them, as you know what they 'look' like."

<Elizabeth> "So you have them all set, with the books out and the cases stacked...Are there any doors or windows? Try closing them, if there are any. See what it does."

<Selene> "Very well. I just don't like to think of too small places." Selene assumed her lotus position again and closed her eyes. An image formed in her mind, very vividly. "Yes, there are windows and doors." There were windows around the ceiling that let in bright rays of sunshine into the otherwise dark, roomy place. Large wooden doors led outside. "I'm closing them now."

<Selene> She imagined the doors and windows being closed, causing the library to turn a few shades darker. But the darkness didn't unsettle her. On the contrary, she felt secure and well hidden in it. She imagined sitting down on the cold stone floor, resting her back against one of the wooden bookshelves.

<Elizabeth> "How does that feel? Any better?" Lizzie asked, keeping her own shields well up, so Selene wouldn't have even known she was there if she hadn't been talking.

<Selene> "Yes," Selene replied after a while. "I'm all alone. It feels good." There really was no one around her, no foreign mind threatening to invade her own. She had never felt that way before while being around other people before. "I feel... safe." At least for a moment. She felt other thoughts, images and feelings brushing against the outside walls of her refuge, but that was not what was bothering her.

<Selene> No, her shields seemed to work like Lizzie had said they would, keeping others out. But, she wasn't alone in her library. She felt it. Things moving in the shadows. Things that didn't come from outside. "It... really seems to work, Lizzie," Selene said, keeping her true sensations to herself.

<Elizabeth> "Well, you're only just starting and we're alone in here, so it won't be too hard. Try practising around other people too, to grasp it better. I'm sure you'll get the hang of it with no trouble with practise. Ask Xavier for help, too."

<Selene> Selene opened her eyes again and blinked, being irritated by the sudden brightness for a moment. "I will do that. Thanks for your help again." She rubbed her eyes and brushed her hair aside. That had been a confusing experience.

<Elizabeth> "No need to thank me. Is there anything else you need help with?"

<Selene> "I don't think so." Selene sat up straight again, regaining her composure as she folded her hands. "At least not at the moment." That shielding thing seemed to be more than enough for one day. She'd have to take her time to figure this out.

<Elizabeth> Nodding, she picked her books back up. "Alright then. Would you like leaving to meditate some more? I'll take my books to a table across the library or maybe to the kitchen for some tea."

<Selene> Selene copied the nod. "I'd appreciate that. I have to finish my routine." She looked at her hand for a moment, then spontaneously back up. "Maybe... if you' should decide to head for the kitchen, and when I'm finished with my mediation... would it be possible if I joined you for some tea?" The thought of being all alone for an extended period of time did not sit well with Selene at the moment.

<Elizabeth> "Of course you can," Lizzie got to her feet and smiled at her. "Do you like biscuits? I'll probably have some with my tea."

<Selene> "Yes, I do like biscuits." Assuming her meditation posture again, Selene closed her eyes. "See you later, then?"

<Elizabeth> "See you later," Lizzie nodded and turned to go then glanced back over her shoulder at the girl. Alright. Maybe she wasn't quite like she had once been. For one thing, she had definitely never meditated...

[JSherlock]

Awww! How sweet. That's awesome bonding right there. Well done!