28/12 Instance: Here we go again

[steyn]

Timeline: After "Cheer Up, Emo Kid"

rachel: Rachel trudged down the hallway, staring at the floor with a frown that wouldn't seem to go away. She just wanted to go back to her room and be alone. Though she knew once she got to her room, she'd just want to be around people.

Josh: Josh stopped in front of a hallway window and gazed over the campus grounds, but not really seeing anything. He pressed his hand against the wall, fingers curling into his palm. The tap of someone's shoes on the floor made him look up. He'd been doing his best to avoid the others, but when he saw who was coming his way, he froze in place

Josh: Rachel. He hadn't seen her, not really, for what felt like ages. As she approached his nails dug into the skin of his palm, enough to draw blood. Of course, the minor wounds healed immediately. He couldn't say a word; healing powers didn't work on a cotton tongue.

rachel: She felt her stomach clench and took a deep breath. Rachel had 'felt' Josh before she'd actually seen him. Now what was she supposed to do? Not like she could pretend nothing happened, but it wasn't like she could ignore him completely either. Rachel considered him for a moment and took another breath, "Hey," she said quietly.

Josh: His mouth twitched in a feeble smile that fell almost before it was completed. "Hey," he said through the lump in his throat. He was sweating already. He wondered if she would just walk on. He wondered if that was what he wanted her to do.

rachel: Rachel chewed on her lip, not sure what else there was for her to say. Well, there was a lot she wanted to say, but getting it out was the problem. This sucked, majorly. "Uh...so...?" She leaned against the wall, still staring at the floor.

Josh: She was staying. "So," he said back, thrusting his hands in his pockets and leaning back against the wall. He tilted his head toward her. "How you been?"

rachel: She wondered whether she should just lie and say fine. "Miserable. You?"

Josh: Leave it to Rachel not to sweeten the truth. "I've been pretty damn miserable too." He gave her a quick look over. "You look nice."

rachel: "Pffft," she rolled her eyes, "No, I don't."

Josh: "Yeah you do," he insisted. You don't even have to try to make my head spin. "I mean it."

rachel: Rachel raised an eyebrow, still frowning, "Yeah, I'm sure I look lovely after crying..."

Josh: He reached back to rub his neck. "You must be just that good," he tried to say lightly, but his voice cracked. Now he remembered why he'd been avoiding her. He couldn't stand the look of hurt and betrayal on her face. Impulsively he reached out to touch her shoulder, but thought better of it and rested his fist on the wall between them instead. "... How's school? Training?"

rachel: "Nothing new," she shrugged. Letting out a breath, she squeezed her eyes shut in an attempt to hold back the tears she knew would be coming soon. No crying. She slightly wished he would've grabbed her shoulder.

Josh: He shifted awkwardly. The sight of tears in her eyes was enough to make him feel like a rat. Not that he didn't already, but... she didn't understand. "I miss you," he blurted out. He wanted her to understand why he'd done it. "It's been hell without you."

rachel: Rachel blinked, processing what he'd said, and ran a hand through her hair, "...I miss you, too...a lot..."

Josh: The familiar way she played with her hair was agonizing. "I guess that sounds a little weird," he went on. "I thought us... being apart would be good, at least for a while. Not that it wouldn't be painful. Just that I'm so tense all the time, and..." He bit his lip, surprised to find his eyes smarting. "It hasn't been easy for anyone. And... since I've been away from you, it's only gotten harder."

rachel: "Doesn't sound weird," she shook her head, looking at the opposite wall, "I...it hurts so much, but it's been the only thing I've been able to think about. And, I'm so sick of crying. I don't know..." Her shoulders slumped. She sucked at the whole spilling her guts thing.

Josh: He put an arm around her and patted her back awkwardly. A lame effort to console her, but at least he made one. "Believe me, I am too." Her close proximity was making him feel light-headed. He'd only have to bend slightly to reach her lips. Warmth filled his face and he carefully set his gaze over her head. "For what it's worth... I am sorry."

rachel: Rachel leaned into him, smirking slightly, "Thought you said you didn't cry," she muttered.

Josh: Ooh, now she was touching him. Josh blinked a few times to get the stars out of his eyes. "I didn't mean I cried," he defended, turning on some auto-pilot tongue, since his brain was certainly not concentrating on what she was saying. "More like kicking holes in the wall, that sort of stuff."

rachel: "Yeah? Sounded like fun to me too, but I decided it'd probably be better to not break my hand or foot. Plus, Remy wouldn't be too thrilled." She sighed. This was nice. She could think of other things she'd like to do right now with him, but this was better than nothing.

Josh: Tentatively, he let his chin rest against her forehead. Then he dipped down a bit and brushed her skin with his lips. His hands tightened, firmly, not painfully, on her arms.

rachel: Rachel wacthed him with a small smile and wrapped her arms around him. Hesitantly, she tilted her head up to catch his lips.

Josh: The past few days had been so crummy. Heck, the past weeks were crummy. Josh didn't want to let this small taste of happiness go away. He kissed back fiercely, pulling her closer to him, even as his brain set off warning bells. You're broken up! You're giving her false hope, leading her alone! You bastard! Wet-eyed, he pushed a hand through her hair.

rachel: You shouldn't be doing this... She knew she shouldn't be doing this, but she'd wanted to, badly, since the shock of them breaking up had worn off. Rachel pressed herself against him, deepening the kiss as she ignored the little voice in her head that was yelling at her.

Josh: Josh backed her against the wall, all his pent-up energy from the past few days focused on her, bringing that flush to her cheeks, seeing that bright look in her eyes. He only broke away when he finally needed to breathe.

Josh: Chest heaving, Josh leaned his forehead against hers. His hands continued to massage her back and shoulders. He knew he had to say something. "I, uh..."

rachel: Rachel kept her arms around as she tried to catch her breath. His hand were not helping this cause, though it felt good. Oh right. She still had to be able to speak, but what was she supposed to say after that? "So...now what?"

Josh: Now what, indeed. He wished he knew. It came rushing back to him in an instant that they were broken up, they weren't supposed to be making out in the hallway. She wasn't supposed to be looking so hopefully up at him. Wasn't breaking her heart once enough?

Josh: But - the whole point of asking for the separation had been to... take some of the stress off his mind. It hadn't worked. He still worried about her even though they weren't together. He couldn't get her out of his system, that was the problem. Maybe he'd made the wrong move in leaving her. Couldn't they be together without him freaking out? He did have that control, didn't he?

Josh: "I don't know," he admitted in a low voice. "What do you want for now?" It should be her decision... after all, he was the one who had walked away first.

rachel: What did she want? Rachel wasn't sure that she even knew what she wanted really. She knew she definently wanted him, but there was also the lingering fear of being hurt again. She wasn't sure she could deal going through this again.

rachel: There was also the problem of everyone else. She didn't really care what they thought since it was really none of their business, but she didn't want to deal with it. "I...don't know either," she shook her head.

Josh: "Well." He took a deep breath. "Well, we don't have to decide anything now. I think maybe I... made a big mess of things the other day. I want to fix them, but... it has to be good with you." He stroked her hair tenderly. "Maybe we should sleep on it?"

rachel: Rachel quirked an eyebrow, smirking, "In our own beds?" Okay, now she had to be serious, "Thinking about it sounds good to me."

Josh: He was glad they could still banter. "Yes, though, if you want to sleep in someone else's, that's your business. Just say away from Sean's - he smokes in bed." He nodded grimly. "OK... I'll see you tomorrow, Rae... and we'll figure things out."

rachel: "I was more thinking of Sean's roomie." She grinned, feeling slightly better that this was going to be dealt with, "Cool. See you tomorrow then." Rachel hesistated before giving him a quick peck on the cheek.

Josh: "Sean's roomie? Dunno him, but if his bed is comfy and doesn't smell, I'm sure you're welcome." He grinned, then froze as she kissed his cheek. "Yeah, uh... tomorrow." Then he headed off towards the kitchen, wondering how he'd ever managed to make such a mess.

[Esynthia]

I don't know why, but that earns a big fat D'AWW in my book. typically, that would be too sad for a D'AWW, but it earned one. good job yall.