7/19 Instance: Curt has a Crush on _____

[tears~fall~like~glass]

timeline: after the Doom game


Curt: Curt shook the book at Johnny. "None of it. None of it makes sense. This is... stupid! This is ludicrous! It's an outrage that they think this book is translatable to the average vir-... person!" He threw down the Library's copy of "The Joy Of Sex".

Curt: The book had some interesting graffiti and signatures along its spine and inside its cover, built by students over the years. On the fore-edge (as the book was closed) read: 'B.R. Nailed N.T. and used THIS BOOK AS A BUTT PROP'

Johnny: Johnny looked up from the script he was currently attempting to engrain in his mind as the book was thrown down, tuning into Curt's raving and ranting. "Well..." he started slowly as he picked the offending item, glancing it over and promptly dropping it once he saw the inscription on the side, "That would have to do with the fact that you don't learn sex from books. You learn it from experience."

Curt: "Impossible. Everything can be learned from books. That's how I acquired all of the information I have from over the years! Books! Reading! Obviously hands-on experience and testing helps, but you always should read up on the basics first. Always."

Curt: He flipped open to page 7 and pointed with his one forefinger. "You see that? It says don't bang... I can't even read who that is! I think it's got a T in there, but it's been scratched out!- 'Don't bang (Whoever!), it's like throwing a HOT DOG down a HALLWAY! I don't even KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS!"

Johnny: He looked to the passage, snickered, and looked back up to Curt, "See? That's something you learn from experience, not from the book."

Curt: "I won't ever get experience if I don't know what I'm doing! Like... like, boobs! Johnny, I've never felt a boob! Or seen one! I hate porn, it's.... too much. I can't look at it, I start blushing, I get sick. Mate, it's no good! I'm gonna be a virgin forever!"

Curt: He made grabbing gestures with his hand. ".... Never touched a boob...."

Johnny: Johnny sighed as he marked his spot in the script, "Then, like... Go grope someone? If they catch you, blame Lizard before they beat the shit out of you?"

Curt: Curt frowned. "That's a terrible idea. I want a legitimate boob-grab. But... I have no idea what to do. How do I even proposition someone for that type of thing?! It's... ludicrous, mate. Ludicrous."

Johnny: "What are you from? The 18th century?" he rolled his eyes as he shook his head, "You don't just 'proposition' someone for that. It just happens. Trust me, you'll know if she's into you enough to let you feel on her."

Curt: Curt cringed at the thought. "Johnny, what if... what if it's not worth it? I'm told the first time is always horrible. I wind up with someone who is confident and expectant, and I give them... failure." He hung his head in sadness.

Johnny: "If you end up with someone confident, just lay back and enjoy? I don't know..." Johnny ran a hand through his hair, "Just don't sweat it, dude. Worry about starting a relationship, since that's what you want, and everything else will be cool."

Curt: "But.... but I don't know how to even start a relationship!" He nearly shouted. "I mean... there's this one chick at school who I kind of have a crush on... but I wouldn't even know how to approach her!"

Johnny: He raised an eyebrow, "Who is it?"

Curt: "No one." Curt responded flatly.

Johnny: "How am I supposed to help you if you withhold information?"

Curt: "I'm pleading the 5th. As my hypothetical, romance-attorney, you need to help me to the best of your abilities. Look, just .... help set me up for a general idea of what a date would be like. How do I ask her, where do I go? What do I say?"

Johnny: "You overcomplicate things," Johnny stated. "You just ask if she'd like to go out to dinner or something, and then take her out wherever she wants to go."

Curt: Curt felt as if this wasn't getting him anywhere.

Curt: "Okay... if I tell you the two girls... Yes, it's two.... who I am interested in... will that give you enough information to help me some more? Or will it be the same?"

Johnny: "It may help me a little because if I know the people, I should know what they're into," Johnny nodded.

Curt: "What if you don't know either of the girls? I mean... I haven't really seen you around Pe-" He stopped.

Johnny: "Were you about to say Penny?" he raised an eyebrow, "Because I've definitely been around her. Have you not seen the news lately? And, who's the other one?"

Curt: "The news?" Curt became visibly depressed. "She's with someone?"

Johnny: "Well, she is, yeah, but I was talking about the news with Doom boy."

Curt: "No... I'm not aware, what happened?" Curt was thoroughly confused now. What did this 'Doom Boy' have to do with Penny and her mystery boyfriend?

Johnny: "We were totally on top of stopping this bank robbery, he shows up, and fucked everything over. All the robbers got away, except one, he broke Hobbes, made Penny feel bad, and about took Pietro's head off... Not that the last one would've been a huge loss."

Curt: "Wait... Hobbes? The giant robot thing that was beside the garage? That thing... goes on missions? I thought that was his class project? Wow. And wait... Penny felt bad?" Curt's eyes got wide with curiosity. "Did her boyfriend at least make her feel better about it?"

Johnny: "Yeah, I wasn't sure about him at first, but Hobbes is so awesome, and how am I supposed to know?" Johnny asked and decided he wanted to move on, "So, Penny's taken. Who's your next choice?"

Curt: Curt frowned. "Well if she is, I'm sure the other choice is." He said, giving up in his mind.

Johnny: "Won't know until you tell me..."

Curt: "She... might not exactly... be a student." Curt admitted quietly.

Johnny: Oh, now he was just dying to know. "Spit it out already, man."

Curt: "I don't know... I don't want to cause any problems... and I trust you but.. I don't trust your mouth."

Johnny: "Oh, come on!" Johnny protested, "I haven't told anyone you're a... Well, y'know."

Curt: "Cripple?" He asked.

Curt: "I'm not."

Johnny: For being a genius, Curt was dense. He just stared, eventually looking around before quietly replying, "A virgin."

Curt: "Johnny!" Curt motioned to cover Johnny's mouth. "Okay, okay! I get it!.... It's" He thought fondly for a moment. "... It's ... Professor Drake." Curt's heart melted and for a moment, his mind drifted.

Johnny: His lips curved to form a smirk, "Bobby? Because I think Lorna would kill you for him."

Curt: "... No. Wait? Who? Who's Bobby? I mean Professor Drake! You know? Green hair? Gorgeous body! Curves... hips... lips... butt." He drifted again.

Johnny: Johnny waved a hand in front of his face to make sure Curt was listening, "Y'know... Bobby. Her husband."

Curt: Curt's heart split in two. It was visible on his face. "Oh." He said quietly.

Johnny: He sighed, almost feeling bad for the other guy, "We'll find someone for you. It just might take a while. I mean, there's still..." Johnny struggled to think of other girls.

Johnny: Well, other girls that wouldn't tear Curt apart.

Curt: "Who, Johnny? Who is there, really?"

Curt: "I'm gonna be alone and crazy, in like... a hot, crappy, cabin in the Everglades, turning into a giant reptile at night and eating peoples' dogs!"

Johnny: "I mean, I tried Tigra for you. And, uh... there's Jeanne-Marie, if you can brave JP's disapproving looks.Then, uh..." Johnny was slightly reluctant to name off the last one but did anyway, "And, Emma."

Curt: "Wait... Jeanne-Marie... The brunette? Really fast, not short, but not really tall? ... Super cute?" Curt internally crossed off the name of the last girl in school whose name he wasn't 100% sure about. "She... she's a cutie."

Johnny: "Sounds about right, yeah," Johnny nodded. If you forgot to add crazy to that list. "She seemed... fairly fond of me last time I saw her. Maybe I can hook you up..."

Curt: "That'd be fantastic!" Curt said excitedly. "Really? You think it can happen!?"

Johnny: He shrugged, "I'll try, but I'm not making any promises."

Curt: "Johnny..." Curt made eye-contact. "If you can make something happen? I would owe you. For life." He raised his eyebrow. "Like... I would owe you. Huge. Any favor. Any time. I would do your homework for like... a semester. If what you needed involved Lizard, I'd even let you use him."

Johnny: "Dude, really... If I can make something happen, don't worry about it." Or maybe he should take that back. If he was going to deal with Jeanne-Marie, he wasn't sure he was going to be dealing with Jeanne-Marie. Johnny inwardly shuddered at the idea of Terry.

Curt: Curt jumped forward and gave Johnny a hug. "Thank you!"

Johnny: He awkwardly patted Curt on the back, "Yeah, no problem."

[Starfish]

So much love for those two...

When Curt admitted he's interested in Professor Drake, my first thought was "Yep, all the guys go gay for Bobby..."

Then I realized he meant Lorna, so I felt like making this...



Feeeeeel the burn of awful punnage!

[Ferguson]

Oh, poor hapless Curt.

And Star, that is golden *saves*

[puppygirl]

D'awww, never fear Curt, come next semester there'll be plenty of new girls for your to screw up wi-I mean hit on >,>