4/28 Instance: Killing Lonliness.

[littlebamf]

Meggan: With a box of cookies tucked under her arm Meggan made her way to Rachel's room. She was worried about her and she needed to talk to someone too. She stopped outside the door and knocked, "Rae, it's Meg, can I come in?"

rachel: "Yeah," Rachel answered as she put her guitar back on the stand. She hadn't really wanted to sit down in the soundproof room and play.

Meggan: Meggan opened the door and poked her head in looking around. She smiled at Rachel, and came in, "I brought cookies!" she held the box out, "I can manage not to burn these..." she grinned.

Meggan: Crossing the room she plonked herself on Rachel's bed, "So, how are you?"

rachel: "I'm..." she thought for a moment, "I've been better. You?"

Meggan: Meggan sighed, "All things considered..... I think I'm doing ok... But what's up with you? You've been really quiet since Forge's class... what's wrong, Rach?"

rachel: She shook her head. She didn't want to lie, but she also didn't want to freak Meggan out, "I haven't gotten a lot of sleep, like less than I usually do...then with the teams and everything..."

Meggan: Meggan frowned, "Are you sure that's all it is?" she got the feeling Rachel was hiding something, "If you don't want to talk about it I'll understand.... but it's not a good idea to bottle stuff up...." she'd learnt that the hard way...

rachel: "No, that's not all, but I really don't want to scare you," she admitted. At least that was true.

Meggan: "Scare me? Why would it scare me?" Meggan tilted her head to one side, watching Rae, she offered her a cookie, "Rachel, I don't think it could scare me... stuff I've done... well... it can't be much worse..."

rachel: She took the cookie and shrugged.

Meggan: Meggan frowned, "Come on Rae, it's me. I won't judge you... promise..." she gave her a little nudge, "Better out than in..."

rachel: She gave a weak smile and debated whether she should just tell. Someone was bound to find out eventually. "You won't freak out? Well, much...I kinda be weirded out if it didn't get a reaction..."

Meggan: "Promise not to freak out," Meggan assured her, "I'm sure whatever it is..... there's worse happened."

rachel: She finished the cookie and rolled her pant leg up to her knee, revealing the cuts that criss-crossed the back of her leg.

Meggan: Meggan's eyes widened, "Rae, how did you do that?" they looked like they hurt.

rachel: "Uh...razorblade," she mumbled and looked down, "A few with a safety pin..."

Meggan: "You did those yourself?" Meggan watched Rachel for a moment, "Why?" She was totally confused, why would anyone want to hurt themself like that?

rachel: Rachel frowned, "Yeah...I did them myself...I don't know, but that's why I was late to Forge's class," she closed her eyes to stop the tears that were coming.

Meggan: "Oh Rae..." she gave her a hug, "That's not good.... have you talked to anyone about it?"

rachel: "I know it's not good...but I haven't talked to anyone....I just, I don't know..."

Meggan: "Not wanting to soud like I'm lecturing you... but maybe you should talk to someone...." she sighed, "I'm going through some stuff at the moment too... and even though I really don't want to.... I'm seeing Dai twice a week." she had to admit, it was helping.... a bit.

Meggan: "It's not always nice to talk about it.... but it's good to get it out, then it stops messing with your head."

rachel: "Yeah," she cringed on the inside at the thought of seeing a therapist again, "So, what's up with you?"

Meggan: "Well.... it's a long list... I'm having nightmares about my past, broke up with Pietro, two of my best friends have been taken away by the military and my only other close friend here, apart from you and remy, isn't talking to me..."

Meggan: "I'm being forced to go to counselling by Xavier and he's constantly monitorying me via telepathy..." she sighed, "I feel violated."

rachel: "Well, I take it that other close friend is Alex, and there's not much you can do about him, I guess we've all been recruited into helping whoever was taken, so that leaves nightmare and Pietro..."

Meggan: "Yeah..... neither problem will be fixed soon..." she sighed again, "but on the bright side... I'm getting better at shielding...."

rachel: "That's good...the shielding part, not the other stuff."

Meggan: Meggan smiled, "Yeah, hopefully I'll learn how my empathy works if I do this shielding thing well enough..." she paused, "Rae.... will... will you do something for me?" she didn't want to upset her but...

rachel: "Of course..." she slightly wondered what she was getting herself into.

Meggan: "Will you at least talk to Dai.... just once... don't want you to hurt yourself..." she looked her in the eyes, "I mean it. You’re my friend, Rae, you have to take care of yourself."

rachel: Rachel sighed, "I'd like to be able to promise I would, Meggan, but I've had therapy before, and it didn't really work, so I'm not sure."

rachel: "I'll think about it though. I won't hurt myself ...well more than I already have..."

Meggan: "Ok... well that seems fair... Just wish there was something I could do to make it better..." she gave Rachel another hug.

Meggan: "Everyone's having such a crappy time right now...." she sighed, "Hope it all gets sorted out... I really do...."

rachel: "I do too." She agreed. "Oh, could you, like, not tell anyone about this...please? I hate making people worry about me."

Meggan: "I won't don't worry.... getting good at keeping secrets...." oops did she sound bitter? "And I won't bug you about it unless you want me to, either." She smiled, reassuringly, "Just so long as you don't ask me about my nightmares..." she added.

rachel: "Fair enough...am I allowed to ask about Pietro?" Rachel raised an eyebrow.

Meggan: "If you have to...." Meggan sighed, "But no one else is.... told Eve to tell people not to ask me about it..."

rachel: "So I'm special and can ask," she mused, "Cool. So what happened?"

Meggan: "I don't really know.... he's been acting funny.... so I've been trying to stay out of his way... and I've been keeping stuff from him so I don't worry him..... the other day I went to tell him all the stuff I've been keeping from him and he just... he got really mad and told me to leave..."

Meggan: She brushed a tear away, "Said that I mustn't have ever loved him..."

rachel: Rae gave Meggan a quick hug, "That sucks...I mean, at least you told him eventually..."

Meggan: Meggan nodded, "And I did love him... wouldn't have said it if I didn't... I still do..." she wiped her eyes, "And now I'm crying again... sorry..."

rachel: Rachel nodded. She didn't really know what to say. "It's fine...I think I was about to cry earlier..."

Meggan: "I just don't know what to do, Rae... I think I rely on people too much... but I can't help it..." which was true, she wasn't exactly raised to be independent.

rachel: She sighed, "Honestly, I don't really know what to tell you except that it'll get better."

Meggan: "I hope so..." Meggan mumbled, "Bits of it are.... I just... wish I didn't feel so alone all the time... I think I need to mend a few friendships.... do you think I should try talking to Paige?"

rachel: "I hope so, too...I have the same problem, I feel alone all the time even though I know I'm not. I suppose it wouldn't kill you to talk to her, although I haven't in a long time."

Meggan: "I haven't spoken to her since Alex ran away... well I did at the welcome back dinner but I may have snapped at her... I didn't mean to though..."

Meggan: "Just worried she won't want to talk to me at all...." she sighed, "I've made such a mess of things..."

rachel: "It's not your fault, and I'm fairly sure she'll talk to...I'm just not sure how nicely..."

Meggan: "Well... she wasn't exactly pleasant the last time we spoke.... and I wasn't in a good frame of mind to take that then.... I think I can cope better now... and I want to at least try.... I'll have to think very carefully about how to go about it though...."

rachel: "I don't think any of us were all that pleasant...I think it'll turn out fine, I mean she tends to be pretty understanding." Rachel said.

Meggan: "You and Xander were ok... you were reasonable at least. Eve and Paige said some pretty mean things to me, Eve has apologised though...." she sighed, "I just hope I haven't waited too long..."

rachel: She shrugged, "I try my best. Anyway, if it doesn't go well, you can always get Eve to talk to her."

Meggan: Meggan frowned, "Could do, I guess... I'll let you know how it goes.... if I'm not in classes next week - Paige has killed me..." she grinned,

Meggan: "I really hope I get this to work though. Don't like the thought of having enemies..." she shrugged, "but if it doesn't... at least I can say I tried." She nodded, "That's what matters. Dais said I have to do things for me now. Not for other people. I'm not to seek appreciation anymore.... Don't need it."

rachel: Rachel smiled, "And how would Paige kill you...nevermind, I know...suffocation by hug."

Meggan: Meggan giggled, "Yeah, something like that..." she put the box of cookies in Rachel's lap, "Ok... I have to go and do some homework while I have some time... so I will probably see you in class..." she gave Rachel another quick hug, "Take care... and enjoy the cookies."

rachel: "Might see me in class if I'm on time. I'll see you later though."

Meggan: Meggan smiled at her, "Bye Rae!" she waved and left the room, Well at least I still have one friend in the building... She felt better for their chat, but she really hoped Rachel would look after herself.