11/26 Issue: Godzilla, Xerox, and Male Elsa Walk Out of a Bar

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Esynthia
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11/26 Issue: Godzilla, Xerox, and Male Elsa Walk Out of a Bar

Post by Esynthia »

Timeline: Friday, April 28th, 2023

Bobby: The preseason game was pretty shitty, but Bobby was just happy to be off work, out of the house, and free of children for the night. Thank you, Auntie Roguey! He nursed his beer and watched St. Louis lose, miserably. Didn't care!

Chris: Chris would have yawned if he didn't have good beer and better snacks. He didn't know how Bobby enjoyed baseball. "This place isn't too bad huh?"

Bobby: "Nope, not bad at all. Of course, it's hard to fuck up bar food. Some places still manage though, like Applebees." Bobby shuddered and took a drink. "Sorry the game sucks."

Chris: "Ugh, fucking Applebees. It's not like it's even cheap bar food either. Hundred bucks says dinner would have been more expensive there than it is here." He drank a large gulp of his beer.

Bobby: "Right?!" Bobby eyed the state of their pitcher and flagged down the waitress for a refill, topping off both their glasses. "Don't have to worry about a random antique bicycle falling off the ceiling here, either."

Chris: "See that I probably wouldn't mind more than their food." Chris laughed a little. "And it's okay about the game. I wasn't following any of it."

Bobby: "Eh, neither was I. Team's already fucked for this season." Bobby frosted his glass and took a long drink, looking around the half-full sports bar. "I suppose though, if something hit you, you would get a free meal out of it. Aaaaand I'd ask to keep the bike."

Chris: "And ya know it takes a truck hitting me to actually do much to me." Chris grinned. "Isn't it like pre-season?"

Jamie: Jamie figured it was probably best to steer clear of his usual bar for a while. At least until some of the girls got the hint that he wasn't down for fun times with anyone but Jean anymore. He stared up at the sign of the bar and frowned. He'd never been here before, so hopefully it would be fine. Jamie pushed open the door and sauntered over to hop up on a stool. He ordered a draft and spun around to face the bar, sizing up the room.

Bobby: "Yeah, it's pre-season, but if this is their starting line up?" Bobby made a rude noise and took another drink, barely noticing a new guy at the bar until he turned in the seat. Wait, was that...?

Chris: "Well I'm out of my depth. I'd assume they just get different people or something." He shrugged a little and took another drink of his beer before looking up at the screen to see what was coming on next.

Jamie: Jamie thanked the bartender and took a sip of their house beer. Not bad. Not great. But not bad. Of course, beer wasn't really the best drink in the first place. Root beer was better. But hard boiled detectives didn't drink root beer.

Bobby: "Depends on the contracts and who is up whose ass further." Bobby frowned at the guy, then elbowed Chris to get his attention. "Hey, isn't that the Xerox kid?"

Chris: "Huh? Xerox kid?" Chris looked over and noticed it was Jamie. "Oh hey, Jamie! What's up man?"

Jamie: Jamie looked up as he heard his name be called and saw Godzilla. Friend now. Right. He gave a smile and a small wave. "Hey, Chris!" He peered around Chris, "Um. Mr. Drake?"

Chris: Chris laughed. "Hah, he called you Mr. Drake." He gave Bobby a little shove. "Come on over here and hang out man."

Bobby: "Uuuuugh, dude." Bobby rocked with the shove and smirked at the former student. "Mr. Drake's my dad, and believe me, ya don't wanna drink with him. Call me Bobby." Bobby kicked out one of the tall bar chairs at their table.

Jamie: Jamie sucked his lower lip under and frowned, wondering why that was funny that he called his former teacher Mr. Drake. Eventually he shrugged, grabbed his beer, and hopped over to the chair kicked out for him. "Bobby." That felt weird. "Right. So, what are you guys doing here? Besides the obvious of drinking and eating, I mean."

Chris: "Hah, you're old now vanilla ice." Chris took a large drink, his latest drink almost gone already. "Helping Mr. Drake, get some time away from the kids."

Bobby: Bobby casually froze the remaining beer in the bottom of Chris' glass and grinned at Xerox, who'd made a fun face while saying his name, like he thought he'd get detention. "Jamie, yeah?" Bobby took another drink. "But it's short for James, right? My real name's Robert, but..." He shuddered. "So, not Mr. Drake, not Robert. Bobby." He grinned at the kid.

Chris: "Party foul... Now I'm calling you Robbie." He stared at his now frozen beer. "How did you not break the glass?"

Bobby: "Talent, Chrissy." Bobby poked out his tongue.

Jamie: "Yeah, short for James. I mean, I answer to that." And a lot of other names. "But Jamie's what friends call me, so yeeep... Jamie." He squinted at Chris' frozen beer and reached across to poke the bottom part of the glass. "That's so cool."

Chris: "Hey! It's Chrissypoo or nothing Boberella." He flagged down the waitress to get a new beer.

Bobby: "That's me," he snickered, creating a little ice sculpture and flicking it over to Jamie. The waitress arrived with the pitcher and a new glass. She gave them a wary look when she took the frozen glass. "But yeah, what Chrissypoo here said. I needed a night out away from the kids. And booze." He saluted with his glass and took a drink. "What brings you in?"

Jamie: Jamie caught the sculpture and grinned at it. "Cool." Pun totally intended this time. "You have kids? Like, plural?!" Why was he surrounded by mentions of kids lately? "Trying to find a new bar for a bit. Testing the waters, so to speak, in other places around town."

Chris: "Been starting new fight clubs? Let me know if you need an enforcer." Chris smirked.

Jamie: Jamie winced, "Heh... Yeah, um, no. Unless getting spit on by chicks counts? Or Jean wanting to kick my ass counts?"

Bobby: "Yeah, two of 'em." Bobby watched Jamie fiddle with the ice sculpture. "Thought there was a rule about not talking about that," he laughed, then his brows rose. "Spit on? Wow, you must have a way with women there, Xerox."

Chris: "Dude... did you just like burn all those brownie points I earned you?" Chris tutted at him.

Jamie: Jamie laughed, "No, I can't go to my old haunts because I was..." He looked up at the two men across from him. They wouldn't care. Right? "I slept around a bit. With some of the waitresses and usuals of the other places. And I called things off with them when Jean and I got back together. So I've gotta find other places to go until they all cool it."

Chris: "Is that all?" Chris laughed a little. "Hey at least one of your exes isn't your best friend's boss."

Bobby: "Aaaaah, yeah, that'd do it." Bobby laughed and drained his beer, reaching for the pitcher for a refill. He had no clue about the love lives of the students, but he'd remembered this kid and Rachel's cousin had been all over each other. Bobby snorted at Chris. "I know waaaay too many women who've fucked you, dude." He gave a dramatic shudder.

Jamie: Jamie gave a one shouldered shrug, "It's enough, dude." He replaced the salt shaker with the ice sculpture in the holder and then went back to nursing his beer. "And none of them are exes really. Just... Not fuck buddies anymore."

Chris: "I mean... we went to school with everyone I fucked dude." He flicked Bobby. "It'll get better man, you just gotta roll with the punches."

Bobby: "Yeah, exactly!" Bobby ducked the flick and fiddled with his wedding band, looking at Jamie. "Nothing wrong with enjoying yourself while you can."

Jamie: "Um..." This was awkward. "I enjoy myself just fine with Jean. But, um, thanks?"

Chris: "I feel like we took a tangent here." He downed his beer and then poured himself some more.

Bobby: Bobby raised a brow at the kid and snorted in agreement with Chris. "Yeah." He turned his attention back to the TV screen and took a drink.

Jamie: "So..." Jamie scraped his bottom teeth on his upper lip a few times. "Chris, did what you buy from Jean work? She said you had trouble because of your healing factor or something?"

Chris: "I mean I still have to smoke a decent bit. But she's got some pretty potent stuff."

Bobby: "Yeah, I heard Rae's little cousin had a dispensary now," he said, dragging his eyes back from the game, which had gotten even worse. "Fuck I can't even remember the last time I partook. Might have been with Rae."

Jamie: "The first time I got high Rachel was there. She and Paige got naked. And so did Fabian." Jamie shuddered at that memory, but carefully watched Bobby to see his reaction to Fabian being naked.

Chris: "I'm kinda surprised that school's uniform wasn't a birthday suit." Chris laughed a little. "I mean sheesh, how are there not hundreds of mutant kidlets running around from that place."

Bobby: "I mean, there's a few..." Bobby choked on Jamie's statement. "Dude, Paige got naked? Paige? A high, naked Paige?" He downed his beer. "And with fucking Cortez?"

Jamie: "Yeah? She was with Rachel, I think. We played strip Never Have I Ever. Was my first time to do that, too." Jamie wrinkled his nose at how innocent he'd been. "It was my first year there."

Chris: "Be glad you didn't run into Cess then." Chris laughed. "That was the start of the downfall of my innocence."

Bobby: "Sounds about right for an initiation," he laughed, shaking his head, then grinned at Chris. "Right? It was great to see Cess at the X-Men thing." But baaaack to the topic. "Dude, you and that fuckwit Cortez both saw my wife naked before I did." Bobby shook his head with a sigh.

Jamie: "I didn't look! I didn't know anyone there except Fabian and Sean!"

Jamie: He buried his nose in his beer and looked away as he mumbled the next bit. "But she did throw her bra so it would land on my head..."

Bobby: Bobby cackled. "Well, shit, Xerox. I guess I'll have to keep an eye on you when Paige is around." He reached over and clapped the guy on the shoulder.

Jamie: Jamie's eyes went a little wide. Keep an eye on him? Because his wife liked him or because he liked him?

Chris: "Uhmm are you two already high?" Chris laughed a little. "I mean we keep going tangents and now we're on a weird tangent of your wife being naked." He downed his beer.

Chris: "If we're going to do stoner tangents we need to at least have some assitance. Want to get out of here. Yall can see the Death Star now that it's done."

Jamie: "Already? As in, that was the plan all along? Because that was definitely not my plan. But if that's the plan now, I guess I can't knock it and I'll just adopt it."

Chris: "You definitely never met me when I was a student....shit or a teacher. Damn I was a bad teacher. It's always a high chance of getting high with me."

Bobby: Bobby checked the time on his phone and shrugged. "Sure." The game was shit and he still had hours of playtime allotted.

Jamie: "...But why?"

Chris: "Because the Death Star is awesome and I have kids I am corrupting into nerdom?" Chris gave Jamie a puzzled look. "Oh you meant the high part? It's fun?"

Bobby: "Yeah, I gotta see this Death Star. Rip is gonna shit herself with joy." He considered this as he settled the bill, picking up Jamie's drink as well. "Hell, I might too."

Chris: "Hey what do you think you're doing paying. I'm the rich one here." Chris gave Bobby a shove.

Jamie: Jamie pulled out his wallet and put some cash on the table for a tip. "I've got tip since you got my drink. Thanks, man."

Bobby: "Because I'm the nice one, goddammit," he snarked, flashing Chris a grin and nodded at Jamie. "You're welcome."

Chris: "You make me sound like the bad cop in some buddy cop movie." Chris shook his head and popped up from his seat, swaying a little until his healing factor nullified more of the toxins in his system.

Bobby: "You Crockett to my Tubbs or Starsky to my Hutch?" Bobby noticed Chris sway and did a quick mental tally of his own alcohol content. Yeah, not good. He stood slowly and made sure he was steady.

Jamie: "You two already got an insane head start on me, apparently. I mean, I barely finished one beer. How many have you guys had? Twelve each?" He hopped off his tall chair with a grin as he stuck the landing. "Where to?"

Chris: "They don't have enough beer in here to really mess me up." Chris smirked, already being basically sober now. "Hmm which one had the cool car, cuz that one's me." He texted Jamie his address, "There, unless you need a ride like light weight over there."

Bobby: "Light weight?" Bobby laughed. "I just don't wanna scare the natives. He gave the waitress a bright grin and grabbed one of the last chips from their nacho plate.

Jamie: Jamie frowned, "Cool car? Dude. C'mon. Mine's so much better." He pulled his keys from his pocket and wiggled them at eye level just as his phone went off. "Meet you there then."

Chris: "You haven't seen my collection yet buddy. Plus classic corvette, so much better." He blew a raspberry at Jamie.

Bobby: Bobby rolled his eyes at them both. "'kay, you two have fun." He still had his truck, although it had been restored over the years. Millie's death under the ruins of the school had ended his interest in classic cars.

Chris: "You sure you're okay to drive?" Chris gave Bobby an appraising look.

Jamie: "My 442 can kick your 'vette's ass, man. Don't even."

Chris: Chris outright laughed at that. "Pffffft. You're either wasted or high."

Bobby: "Yeah, man, I just gotta... y'know..." He tilted his head at the door and glanced around the bar.

Jamie: Jamie blinked at Bobby, then looked around himself. "Leave? Take a piss? Go get banged in the alley?"

Chris: "I think he has some mini-mutation that if he jacks off he'll get sober. Lets run away before we get caught in the crossfire."

Bobby: Bobby opened his mouth to give Jamie the short explanation, then blinked at Chris. "Right, man, that's exactly it," he deadpanned. "I'll catch up."

Jamie: "Wait... Really?!" Holy shit that was a weird power. Jamie pulled out his phone to text Jean about it as he walked to the door. [Mr drake...Bobby... jacks off and gets sober! WTF]

Jamie: ---Suddenly...DEATHSTAR!---

Jamie: Jamie parked Baby next to the curb in front of the house and sat there until he had finished flailing with Jean on speakerphone. "Okay, babe. Love you too. Kiss Duparo for me! Bye!"

Chris: Chris stretched a little, standing next to his suv. "Well you didn't get lost."

Bobby: Sobered up and spending the drive over debating how much shit he could give Paige over this new revelation, Bobby pulled up in front of Chris' house and jumped out. The door creaked and he made a mental note to take care of that.

Chris: "I'm going to buy you a new truck if you don't get that bucket fixed up man." Chris called out to Bobby.

Bobby: "It is fixed up!" He smacked the old blue and white Chevy's hood as he came around. "Engine's new, transmission's new, rust is all fixed. She's good for another 50 years."

Jamie: Jamie hopped out of his car, locked it, and walked up to the guys. "Nice truck, man! Classic!" He looked over at Chris, then Bobby, then back at Chris, "I was promised a death star."

Bobby: Bobby gave Chris a shit-eating grin. "See, eh?"

Chris: "No one ever lets me spoil them." Chris sighed. "Can't spoil the kids, can't spoil my friends. What am I supposed to do with this money." He laughed and started towards the back yard. "Follow me and get ready to sign your souls over to the empire.”

Jamie: "Um. I think a Death Star is spoiling the kids, man." He glanced over his shoulder at Bobby's truck again and frowned. What was wrong with it? Looked fine to him. "Also, my soul has already been signed over to Dick Tracy, so you'll have to take that up with him."

Bobby: "I am a Jedi at heart. I cannot be turned." He followed Chris into the back yard and stopped. His mouth dropped open. "Fuuuuuuck. I-I'm gonna cry. It's beautiful..."

Jamie: Jamie hesitated when he saw it but then slowly and carefully walked toward it, marking a circle around it. "My old spy fort at school is a shit hole compared to this masterpiece. Now I wish I had a backyard..."

Chris: "Don't tell Greer, but it's only the first installment." Chris grinned. "But I hate to disappoint you, dying Thomas' fur isn't going to happen. I prefer having my nuts attached even though they'd grow back."

Bobby: "Man, why you gotta ruin it with your nuts into it?" Bobby shook his head, but he was still laughing, when he caught up to Jamie, who was staring up in awe. "The one in the woods in Westchester?" He cocked his head at the younger man.

Jamie: "Yeah. You know it?" His eyes didn't leave the huge space station. "Nobody was using it and it seemed abandoned, so I claimed it. Had all my comics up there. And then stupid Viper blew it up."

Bobby: "Yeah." Bobby cleared his throat and smiled to himself. "My wife, ah... my first wife built that. With a friend."

Jamie: "Oh yeah? That's awesome! They did a great job!" He finally looked over at Bobby, "Tell them when you see them then, I guess? Though, I don't know why they would abandon it. It was super awesome."

Chris: "Yall haven't even seen the inside yet. If it wasn't outside I would so put a ton of tech in it too. Make it more realistic, if you can get realistic with a scifi movie."

Bobby: Bobby studied Jamie's face for a moment. Nope, he had no idea. "T-they're both dead." He looked down and kicked at a stick in the yard. "Lorna died when fucking Viper blew up the school. Sam was... before that. Before your time."

Bobby: Managing to look back up, he smiled slightly. "Glad someone got to enjoy it."

Jamie: Jamie's eyes went wide and his mouth fell open. Then he closed it. What did you say to that? "Uh... Wow. Well I really put my foot in it. I'm so sorry. I, um... I can't imagine." What now? Hug? He started to open his arms then dropped them. Nah. No hugging in Star Wars. Or something like that.

Bobby: "Nah, it's fine. Thank you, though. It's... been a long time." Bobby took pity on Jamie's awkwardness and started over to where Chris was, patting Xerox on the shoulder as he passed. "I meant it. I'm glad you took care of it."

Bobby: "Holy shit, you did the inside, too?" Bobby forced a laugh and picked up the pace to check it out and escape those memories.

Chris: Chris followed up behind him and put a hand on his shoulder. "Sir you have yet to see the depths of my plans. The AT-AT is next."

Jamie: Jamie very nearly doubled over with relief once Bobby walked past him. Yet another thing to talk to Jean about later. Holy shit. That was bad. Inside? What? Tech? Dude! "Dude! You can totally put tech in there!" He jogged over to poke his head inside. "Oh, yeah, dude. There's totally tech with great outdoor capability. Not to mention super long battery life."

Chris: "I'd look into it but I'm sure Greer will say no." He laughed. "Maybe for the next installment. Though I thought about doing something rebel since I have the Death Star. Maybe the Hoth base?"

Jamie: "Dude, you gotta do something from Endor."

Bobby: "While I am partial to Hoth for obvious reasons, Endor is a good idea too." Bobby gave a slow nod.

Chris: "I'm going to have to get a bigger yard aren't I?" Chris smirked. "Maybe buy the lots behind me?"

Bobby: "See, that's how you can spoil people. Buy up property and create a private Star Wars theme park. I'm sure Disney will love it." His brain caught up to Chris' earlier statement. "Wait, did you say AT-AT? Then Hoth is a go." His grin got crazed. "I can make tauntauns!"

Jamie: "I would so ride a tauntaun! Those things are nuts! I love them!" And for some reason he was thinking about Jean's cats now. He shuddered about Figaro. Though... They could totally crush the cat. He grinned to himself and climbed fully into the Death Star. "Where are the light sabers, Chris?"

Chris: "Careful, if I make it too awesome Rip will want to come live over here." Chris laughed. "And hey parody or whatever law covers this right?" Chris shrugged. "Those are in the house. Same with the stormtrooper armor and blasters. Mando gear is the next to be picked up or made."

Bobby: Bobby made a fantastic realization and pointed at Jamie. "Clone army."

Chris: "Uhmm... that'll take a much larger investment into Clone armor. Wait would you duplicate the armor too? Hmm but then we couldn't do any of the commanders just basic troops."

Jamie: "Wait, what?" He looked from one to the other then down at himself. Dude! Sweet! "Nah, dude! Just get two sets! One basic and then one commander! I'll duplicate while wearing the basic then switch to the commander! And we can put my tech in the commander suit that will stop my multiplying."

Bobby: "Fucking A. Best power ever for trooping." Bobby laughed and shook his head, spotting the emperor's throne and flopping himself down.

Jamie: "The only bad thing is that I can't make them do whatever... They've got minds of their own just like me. But unlike me, they can actually make up their mind on stuff. So, their minds are theirs and not mine... It's weird."

Chris: "I mean they had brain chips for that in the cartoons." Chris gave Jamie an evil grin.

Jamie: Jamie rolled his shoulders and grimaced. "Don't even joke. I don't do well with mad scientist types."

Bobby: Bobby was pretty comfy in the throne, but the guy's reaction made him frown in sympathy. "Yeah, I hear ya."

Jamie: He looked over at Bobby in amazement, "You, too?! Wow! What the hell was wrong with that school?!"

Chris: "Make that three...." Chris sighed, that wound was still raw.

Bobby: "A lot of us." Bobby gave Chris a mocking salute. "That school was fuckin' cursed, man," he added, rolling his head back toward Jamie with a grin he'd stolen straight from Sharky Shaw.

Chris: "Hey no seabasses in the Death Star." Chris laughed a little. "Or I'll get the paintball gun."

Jamie: Jamie looked around in confusion. "I don't see any fish in here, so I think we're good." He looked over at Chris, "You know what else I don't see? Weed."

Bobby: "He's got a point there, Godzilla." Bobby laughed, then realized the throne could spin and made it do so.

Chris: Chris laughed a little. "Hey if you want to explain to Greer why the kid's play house smells like pot then you can feel free to go get it. But we should probably go into my office. I'm not explaining why I mentioned seabass. Guess it or don't get it." Chris headed out of the fort and towards the house.

Jamie: Jamie blinked at Chris and tilted his head to the side. "You didn't mean the fish?" This guy was confusing. "Well then why bring us out here if there's no weed. We could have gotten high first. This has been fun and all, but do you realize how much more fun it would be stoned?" ...Jean was getting to him.

Bobby: "Rich people. They're weird." Bobby pushed himself up out of the seat and gave Jamie a grin, turning to follow Chris.

Jamie: Jamie shrugged elaborately and followed after both of them. "I think we're all weird to some degree or another."

Chris: "Hey I'm not even on high scale weird rich person. There's some I won't even socialize with." Chris waited for them at the door.

Bobby: "I mean, you're not wrong there, Xerox." Bobby tossed a grin over his shoulder at the kid and joined Chris.

Jamie: "You know what should be high scale? Us." He bounced on the balls of his feet, a little excited to try Jean's top dollar stuff.

Chris: Chris laughed at that and lead them to his office. "Well since you two don't have healing factors it won't take much."

Jamie: "I can kind of ...dilute it? If I pop out enough dupes. But I tend to not do that unless things go sideways."

Bobby: "I have better than a healing factor," he glanced at Jamie curiously.

Chris: Chris rolled his eyes. "Real powers are cheating." He opened the door for them to go in. "Sit wherever you're comfortable."

Bobby: "Then your healing factor is cheating, too." Bobby returned the eye roll and threw himself onto the sofa in the swank study.

Jamie: Jamie scratched at his scruff as he looked around. He wanted his office to look like this. So not fair. He picked an over stuffed lounge chair and fell into it, sinking down until his butt was on the edge of the seat and then totally 'manspreading' since Jean wasn't here to poke at him. "We can all cheat in our own way. Chris just can't turn it off. Which is unfortunate 'cause then he doesn't get the joy of a good high like us."

Chris: "Why do I feel like I should smoke you both unconscious now." He shook his head and grabbed a few different things and the big stash he'd bought from Jean. "Pipe, bong or peanut butter?"

Jamie: "Peanut butter? Does it really taste like peanut butter? Or does it taste like weed trying to be peanut butter and failing?"

Chris: "Well the wrap is peanut butter. So you get both. But it's pretty good." Chris started to make them a blunt.

Bobby: "What'll they think of next?" Bobby laughed and kicked his feet up on the sofa to cross them at the ankles.

Jamie: "Mmm... Peanut butter." But then he would need a drink. Give a Jamie a peanut butter... Yadda, yadda, etcetra, etcetra... "I'm pretty old school though, so just a joint, man."

Chris: "Oh so no puff, puff, pass huh?" Chris laughed a little and gave bobby the peanut butter blunt and a lighter. "Alright, alright, gimme a second." He started to get everything ready and roll up a joint for Jamie.

Bobby: "Woulda been handy if this stuff was legal back in the day. I have no idea where Rae got that shit we smoked in the geek lair." Bobby took the joint and lighter with a nod of thanks. "Possibly a ditch," he added, popping it in his mouth to light up for a hit.

Jamie: "Jean used to get hers from Sean and Fabian," he commented with a shrug. "Maybe Rachel did too?" Or had Jean said she got some from Rachel, too? He wasn't even high yet and he was having trouble remembering things.

Bobby: "Nah, this was way before your time." Bobby suddenly felt really fucking old. He felt even older when he inhaled and nearly coughed up a lung.

Chris: Chris laughed a bit at Bobby's coughing fit. "Don't die on me. Rogue would turn me inside out." He handed Jamie the joint and then took the peanut butter one from Bobby.

Jamie: Jamie accepted and took the lighter from Bobby, taking a smooth pull while lighting his joint. Jean would be proud of him! If she didn't get mad at him for reeking of weed since she did edibles now for the most part. He set the lighter down and slid a tiny bit lower in the chair while he blew the smoke out. "My girl's got good shit."

Chris: "Yes she does. She's going to be able to expand soon if she keeps me supplied with this." Chris took a long drag, letting it out very slowly.

Bobby: "Can't die, remember? Blessing and a curse." Bobby was still coughing a little. After a moment, he paused to smack his lips. "Motherfucker, peanut butter! I mean... skunky peanut butter, but damn."

Chris: "It's good shit isn't it?" He took another long draw and handed it back to Bobby.

Jamie: Jamie took another drag and looked over at the other two critically, "Skunky peanut butter does not sound like 'good shit'. It just sounds like shit."

Bobby: This time, Bobby managed to suck it down without the sideshow attraction. "I mean, if it tasted like peanut butter and nothing else I'd really question it."

Chris: "The power of peanut butter is strong with this one." Chris laughed at his own terrible joke.

Bobby: Bobby's snort ended in the tragic loss of the smoke from his lungs.

Jamie: "If you're gonna do peanut butter, you should do like... Peanut butter cups or cookies or something. Make it an edible." Jean was in his head, controlling his mouth, wasn't she?

Chris: "Until you eat like a hundred of them because you forgot they were edibles." Chris stole the blunt back from Bobby and took a drag.

Jamie: It was Jamie's turn to choke, but only because Chris' comment caught him off guard. "You can eat a hundred cookies?" He cleared his throat and coughed, trying to make his voice go back down an octave or two. "I can only eat like... twenty maybe?" He tried to take a drag again, watching Chris warily while he did so.

Bobby: Bobby slid down further into the sofa to become one with it.

Chris: "You already tapping out buddy?" Chris took another drag. "I mean, the munchies are a thing man." He laughed and looked around to see if he had any snacks.

Jamie: "Yeah, but you make sure you don't have enough edibles to OD and you'll be fiiiiine!" He took a longer hit, held his breath for a few seconds, then blew out a wobbly smoke ring. "Ha! Nice."

Chris: "Nice one. I can't do any smoke tricks." Chris tried to do the same and it just came out in a big puff.

Bobby: "Is ODing on weed a thing?" Bobby watched the ring trick and struggled to sit up. "I can do that with water vapor... wonder if I can keep my shit together long enough to do it with smoke?"

Jamie: "Uuuuuuummmmm... Mumumummm. I dunno actually." He made a popping noise with his lips a couple of times as he mulled that around in his brain. "I could ask Jean?" He missed Jean. Jeeeaaaaaaan!

Chris: "Maybe we shouldn't have given him his own joint..." Chris gave Jamie a concerned look. "Okay buddy hand over the drugs and it'll all be okay."

Jamie: Jamie pulled the joint away from Chris' direction, curling his arms into his chest and cradling it. "Jean's got good shit! Let me enjoy it, darn you!"

Bobby: "I mean, from what I remember, he's kind of like that all the time, sooo...." Bobby shrugged and motioned for Chris to give him the joint back. He had to try this smoke ring shit!

Chris: "Alright, alright. But if you get too wasted you're calling your girl to come get you." Chris handed the joint to Bobby and got up to make himself another. This sharing shit wasn't going to work with his healing factor.

Jamie: Jamie gave Chris a toothy grin and looked back at his joint. "You are my preciousssss. And I will ssssmoooke yooouu..." And then he did just that.

Chris: "And you guys called me the weird one." Chris shook his head and laughed.

Bobby: Bobby was trying not to laugh and ruin his chances at pulling this off, but Jamie was pretty fucking funny. After a moment, he managed to puff out ... a blob of smoke. He made an annoyed sound and tried again, this time getting closer. It was a win!

Jamie: "Hey! That was almost good!" Jamie inhaled another sweet, sweet amount. Where was his phone? He put the joint back in his mouth and slid to the floor to dig under the cushion of the chair.

Chris: "You trying to steal the change out of my cushions man?" Chris lit up the new joint and took a long drag.

Bobby: "Almost!" Bobby tried again and this time nailed it. "Just gotta get the hang of it! I can cheat better with the water vapor." Ooooh, idea.

Jamie: "Noooooo..." Though that was a thought. Finders keepers if he did find some!

Chris: "I call shenanigans. You two suck." He laughed a little bit.

Jamie: Jamie finally gave up digging and just pulled the seat cushion out entirely. He held it high above his head as he looked, sucking on the joint the whole time. Then he turned and tossed the cushion to the floor near the couch and slouched back into the now cushionless chair. "Where's my phoooooone," he asked once he finished the drag, putting the emphasis on the 'o' sound by making a few more rings.

Chris: Chris shook his head and pulled out his phone. "Don't tear apart my office." He called Jamie's phone. "There I'm calling it for you."

Jamie: "It's on siiiiileeeent," he grinned.

Bobby: Bobby gave up on his quest for the perfect water-vapor aided smoke ring to watch the Jamie show. "I think we're gonna find out if you can OD on weed pretty soon. Hey, Xerox? Checked your pockets?"

Chris: "Uuuugh! Why would you do that do yourself?" He hung up the phone and put it away.

Jamie: "Xerox? Like the copy mach--- Oh like I've not heard that one before." Jamie pulled a face and stuck out his tongue, then slowly pulled it back in as he thought about it. Had he heard that one before? He hadn't! "Wait! I haven't! Ha! I like it! It makes sense and is just this side of not being offensive!"

Jamie: Oh right! Pockets! He pushed himself up and patted his pockets. Found it! He pulled it out and ignored the missed call from Chris. "Because, dude. If it rings during an investigation, I'm screwed!" [JEEEAAAAAAAAAAN]

Chris: "You set anything on fire and I'm taking it out on your ass." He cracked his knuckles.

Bobby: Bobby made a rude noise. "He sets anything on fire you've got me. Please." Wait, investigation? "You're still stalking people dude?"

Jamie: Pffft. Stalking was so last decade! He gave Bobby an incredulous look and then he got a text from Jeeeeaaaaaan. [color=hot pink][JAAAAAAMIE?][/color] Jamie grinned then realized he had used his inner monologue in answer to Bobby. Whooooops. "Stalking was so last decade! I'm legit now! Private investigator! Detective Jamie Madrox at your service!" [:D YOu have goood shiiit babe]

Chris: "Stalking is stalking bro, you're just getting paid for it now." He mocked him.

Bobby: "He's got a point there," Bobby said, nodding at Chris. "What exactly do you detect? I gotta say, I did appreciate any time you gave Cortez shit."

Jamie: Jamie looked at both of them like they had each grown two more heads. "I don't have to put up with this shit from you! I'm licensed thankyouverymuch!" He slid to the floor again and pulled his wallet out to toss a small handful of cards at them. "I get everything from typical divorce cases to chasing down homicidal maniacs who ravage crack houses."

Bobby: Bobby raised his brows and leaned over, snagging the nearest card with his fingertips and then flopping back onto the sofa to inspect it. "So, you're like... an uninformed," wait, that wasn't right. "un-unifor... fuck it. So you're like, still an X-Man, just without the gimp suit."

Chris: Chris laughed a little. "Calm down man. We're just teasing you. Alright I feel like I need to cut you both off now."

Jamie: Jamie was in the middle of responding to Jean's [color=hot pink][OMG ARE YOU HIGH?!][/color] when Chris said that and he looked up, horrified. "You, sir, are a monster." He deleted his text and started a new one [ D: HE WANTS TO CUT ME OFF!]

Jamie: Bobby had said something, too, remember? He glanced up and blinked at Bobby. What was it, though? Ununiformed! Yes! What the hell did that mean? Nobody knows. "Am not! Take that back!"

Bobby: Bobby was still staring at the card. The letters were moving slightly, which normally only happened when he was dead drunk. Woo! Oh, yelling. "Take what back?"

Chris: "Yuuuuup, cutting him off." Chris stole Jamie's joint while he was arguing with Bobby. "I'm going to have to get the weaker stuff if you guys come hang out again."

Jamie: "I'm soooo not an X-Man! Nope, nopety, nope." He shook his head emphatically and the room spun a bit. Jamie laughed and went to take another hit but his empty hand hit his mouth and he made a horrified face again. "DidIeatit?!"

Bobby: "Oh." Bobby giggled. "Didn't know it was an insult. Y're girl is one... X-Woman?" His nose wrinkled. "Guess it is kinda sexist. He rolled his head to look at Chris are we masochists?"

Chris: "I mean, I definitely am. Comes with the powerset." He gave them a shrug.

Jamie: "NobodytoldmeifIateit! DidIeatit?!" He started crawling around and patting the floor to see if maybe he had just dropped it and couldn't see it anymore.

Bobby: Bobby just stared at Chris. Okay, that wasn't the word. He struggled to sit up and watched Jamie freak out for a moment. "Hey, hey, dude... you didn't eat it," he said it slowly and loudly this time, as if Jamie were hearing impaired, retarded, or very high.

Jamie: "Phew!" Jamie rolled over onto his back and starfished out. Then he remembered he had been texting Jean. Jeeeeaaaan. He got a goofy grin on his face and pulled his phone from his pocket. [Who cut what off now?] UGH and now he remembered what about. [Chris! He cut me off! HE STOLE MY JOINT JEAN!] And then the giggle fit started. Joint Jean. "Joint Jean!"

Bobby: Bobby just gave Chris a look, nose crinkled. "He's broken."

Chris: "Welp... we broke him. I hope that Jean doesn't mind."

Jamie: "Hey, hey dudes. I'm not the one who saw a teacher's wife and my girlfriend's cousin naked before I saw any other naked woman. And they were together." He whispered the last bit really loudly. "Like... TOGETHER." Jamie added an eyebrow wiggle as he tipped his head back to look at the two of them upside down.

Chris: "Pfft, I've seen like eighty percent of that school naked. It's like clothing was optional there." Chris shrugged and took a drag on his joint.

Bobby: Bobby agreed with Chris, but not the point. "Heeeey, y'know... that almost makes us like... in-laws?" His voice went up as he tried out this concept. "I married Paigey, Paigey was with Rae, Rae's Jean's cousin..."

Bobby: "I know they were together, man... and if it wasn't... them?" Bobby's expression was half pained and half aroused. "Hot. Buuuuuuut...." He shuddered.

Jamie: "But it was them. And it was totally hot." Jean had better not be listening right now. One eye closed as he tried to count the bulbs in the light fixture but it wouldn't stop jumping around the ceiling! Fine. Be that way. Jamie rolled onto his stomach and looked at Chris, "No." Then at Bobby, "Weird." And that was all he thought needed to be said on either subject.

Chris: "What are we playing ancestry dot com in real life now?" He laughed.

Bobby: "Waaaaaaait." Bobby narrowed his eyes at the kid, although one eyebrow did a little dance at the weird. Like he had room to talk. "You said first... the first naked women you ever saw were my wife and your girlfriend's cousin?"

Jamie: "Well yeah." That was what he said right? Yes. Okay, good then. "Got any fooooood?"

Chris: "I can order us something. I'm not going to ask Greer to cook something for us stoners." He pulled out his phone and looked through a few options.

Jamie: "Nuuu. I want snaaaacks. Like... Oh! Cheetos! Doritos! Cheesy!"

Bobby: "Doritos. Fuuuuuckin' A. Doritos," he said it with conviction and looked at Chris. "This is the way."

Chris: "You too are fools. Tacos and Nachos are the way when you're stoned! That and White Castle."

Jamie: Jamie frowned hard at Chris and then stumbled and crawled until he was standing. "I'll find them myself!" He raised one arm into the air, index finger pointing straight up. "For science!"

Chris: Chris laughed a little. "You are not raiding my pantry while stoned."

Bobby: Bobby had to agree that White Castle was a good idea. "There're no White Castles in Boston...." he said sadly to himself.

Jamie: "Rude!"

Jamie: "You raid your own pantry then, you heathen! And bring me back doritos!"

Chris: Chris sighed. "I doubt we have any."

Chris: He shook his head and laughed a little as he went off to see if they had doritos.

Jamie: Chris left and Jamie bobbed his head in victory to the ever-present music there. Then he slowly turned to look at Bobby. "What's a White Castle and why are you sad? Do you need a hug?"

Bobby: "...you... don't know... White Castle?" Bobby gave Jamie a pitying look and started to tell Chris about this travesty, but Chris was gone. Whoops. "I think you need the hug, man."

Jamie: "Um. Are you hitting on me again?" Phone... Phone. Where was the phone?! JEEEAAAAAN.

Bobby: Bobby just stared at the kid for a minute, then struggled to sit up. "Am I what?!"

Chris: Chris came back with a slightly dust covered bag of doritos. "I'd say you're lucky but they seem old as fuck." Chris looked at the two of them. "Is everything okay?"

Jamie: "Yeah, you already did on-- GASP!" Jamie turned and made grabby hands for the bag. "Triangles from heaven!" He scooted to Chris on his knees and snatched the bag from him, then hugged it and laid back down, using it as a pillow. "Sweet, sweet, triangles," he murmured as he snuggled it and kissed it, closing his eyes.

Bobby: Bobby looked at Chris, looked at Jamie, then looked back to Chris. "Wow." He swung his legs down and his head spun. "I did not fuckin' hit on you, dude. What the fuck!?"

Chris: "I could have just brought you a pillow man... Did he call his girlfriend to come get him?"

Jamie: "...Becauseyoumetmyeyesandtoldmetherewasnothingwrongwithenjoyingyourself. Whiiiiiile lookinglikeyouweregoingtotwistyourringoff." He let his head's weight pull it to fall in an angle where he could see Bobby, "But you weren't? That's cool. HA. Cool. You're ice. Cool." Jamie's head lolled to the other side to look at Chris, "Jean? You called her? Why would you rat me out? Ya fink!"

Bobby: All Bobby could do was blink at that because he was too impaired to decipher it. Cool. Ice. Oh yeah. Bobby shifted to ice and back to clear his head a little. "I meant enjoying yourself before you get married, like I am, to a woman." He looked over at Chris. "I think he texted her, man, but I dunno."

Chris: "Hey find the right woman and you get to keep enjoying yourself." Chris gave Bobby a smirk. "How bout it Bobberz? Be my ice queen?"

Jamie: Jamie threw his shoe at Chris. "Dirty rat fink."

Chris: "Keep that up buddy, you're just going to make me horny and glow." He gave Jamie a wink.

Jamie: Jamie flailed and grabbed the Doritos, doing a snaking crawl on his back to get away from Chris. Bobby was safe. He said he wasn't hitting on him. "Help," he squeaked out to Bobby.

Bobby: "Haaaa, see! It ain't me you have to worry about!" He was laughing now.

Chris: "Nah he doesn't have tits, he's safe unless he gains a couple hundred pounds and grows a vag." Chris went to go get more weed.

Jamie: Jamie laid his head back on the Dorito bag and it popped, opening on the wrong end. He flailed again and Doritos flew. He gasped. "Raining snacks from Heaven... It's... beautiful..."

Chris: "Don't make a mess... Come on man, are you drunk too?" Chris sighed and re-lit his joint.

Bobby: "I think he's broken," he noted, reaching down and grabbing a floor Dorito. Bobby blew it off and popped it into his mouth. "Mmm, stale."

Jamie: Jamie spread the Doritos out and laid down in the middle of them, making a cheese dust angel. "This is not a mess. This is art!" Art was making him yawn.

Chris: "Alright, Greer asks, he did it." Chris rolled his eyes. "Where's his phone? He needs an adult and I'm definitely not qualified." He looked around for Jamie's phone.

Bobby: Now half sober, he hauled himself off the sofa and started to hunt for Jamie's phone too. "Guess I could do a drop off..." He grabbed the business card off the table and read the address.

Chris: "That or call his girl. It looks like I'm going to have to get the vacuum." Chris groaned. "I hate cleaning."

Jamie: Jamie yawned again and curled up onto his side, inhaling the lovely scent of Heaven Triangles while he drifted off to sleep.

Bobby: Bobby realized it was quiet and stopped the hunt for the phone and looked down. "Holy shit, is he dead?"

Chris: "You taking him home or we calling his girl now that he's out?" He poked the body with his foot. "Nah he's still breathing."

Bobby: Not really wanting to mug the guy to find his phone, he instead checked the chair and came up with his phone. "Aha!" Bobby looked at the notifications. "Well, his girl's been texting him."

Chris: "Text her back that he's wasted as fuck and is getting a ride home?" Chris shrugged. "Guess his girl really does have the good shit."

Bobby: "Guess so," he laughed, shaking his head at the mess on the floor. "Yeah, I'll take Xerox home. You want me to help you clean up this mess?"

Chris: "Nah, I got it. We've got a good vacuum and if not. Cleaning service. Being rich is totally a super power."

Bobby: "Must be nice," he chuckled, pocketing Jamie's phone and nudging him with a toe to see if he could get him to move into a better position to hoist his ass up.

Chris: "Don't make me buy you shit." Chris threw a dorito at Bobby.

Jamie: Jamie grumbled and rolled onto his other side, smacking at Duparo for nudging him.

Bobby: Bobby jumped back from the smack, but came back and grabbed Jamie's arm to pull him up. "Don't worry, sugar daddy, all you gotta do is help me get the lightweight here up. He's heavier than he looks."

Jamie: "Gah!" Jamie was fairly certain Duparo hadn't learned how to pick him up and Figaro would sooner gut him. His eyes shot wide open and he realized he was face to face with Bobby. "Ohai."

Chris: Chris laughed a little. "Alright, alright. I got him small fry." Chris went over and helped heave up Jamie. "We gotta get you in the gym buddy."

Bobby: "Gah!" Bobby didn't want to be that close to Jamie either and winced. "Well, he's awake," he announced, helping Chris haul him up.

Jamie: "Awake? I was asleep? Why are you not Jean's cat?"

Chris: "Nope, but the nice icee is taking you home. It'd probably be easier if I did this alone." Chris held Jamie up awkwardly.

Bobby: "This was actually easier when you were asleep." He gave Jamie an awkward pat. "Okay, dude, Imma take you home, or to Jean. Whichever."

Jamie: Jamie just stared at both of them and took a staggering step away from them. "Jean is home." To the issue at hand, Madrox. He stamped his foot three times and rubbed his eyes, then looked at the three dupes. Things seemed more clear now. "I can drive now." He sucked them back up as one started to head for the floor doritos, another for the weed, and another for the chair. "I'm good."

Chris: "I have my doubts Xerox." Chris liked the nickname, he was calling him that now.

Bobby: Bobby jumped back like he was scalded. Way too many Jamies! "Handy trick."

Jamie: Jamie rolled his eyes and started gathering the Doritos into a pile. "Sorry 'bout this, man. I'll pay to have the rug cleaned." He grinned up at Bobby, "So's yours."

Chris: "It's all good man. Again, rich. What do you guys not get about this." He laughed.

Bobby: "That we're not?" Bobby shrugged and fished Jamie's phone from his pocket to give it back. "Your girl's been texting you."

Jamie: "Yeah, okay, but that's just not decent to make a mess and not either clean it up or pay to clean it up. What did your parents teach you guys?" Jamie shook his head. His mom would be appalled. "Oh. Thanks." He took the phone and winced, "Yeah, I should probably get going and give her a buzz. Pun totally intended."

Chris: "Well if you want my parents answer it's gonna be, the help will clean it ups." Chris shrugged. "I appreciate the offer man but I can get it."

Bobby: "You guys? I offered to help clean it up while you were unconscious, dude." Bobby laughed and shook his head, smirking at the pun. "The help will clean it up," he repeated, but with a terrible, snooty English accent.

Jamie: "How am I supposed to know that. I was unconscious, dude." He made a face at Bobby then immediately laughed at his mocking. "Well, I know that you can afford it, but I'm offering to pay for it anyway. So if you change your mind, hit me up. Thanks for tonight, man."

Chris: Chris just shook his head. "Don't either of you die on the way home. I'm not doing with pissed off significant others."

Bobby: "I'm cool," Bobby saluted. "And yeah, thanks man. I'll have to strip before I go inside if Paige is home, but it was fun."

Jamie: Jamie's head whipped around to Chris when he was almost out the door, "You better not do Jean. I would so haunt your ass."
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