Nightscrawlers

Mother tried to guilt trip me about not living at home after dinner.

Great.... just fucking great, well I was gonna get a decent tax refund and be able to leave this hell hole but my parents are fucking forcing me to give them 718$ of it cuz apparently they pay for "everything" for my son and I'm the one who actually pays for it all
FML

not to double post but just to add a cherry on top my favorite hockey team can't get their heads out their asses long enough to beat some of the shittiest teams in the league so now their standings are going down and i was hoping to atleast see them battle for the stanley cup

The tax refund is also part of my ass because I don't want to live here either.

My mom called and said we needed to discuss financial things since I'm not living at the house, so we go for dinner. She gives me all my stuff to do the exit interview for my student loan, so I can start paying it off... except I can't without a job, which I can't get without my social security card that has apparently disappeared. I swear I left it at home when I went to school, and my mom swears I took it to school.

Then, she also gave me a paper from the school saying they were only giving me $900 back of my $4000 tuition installment that they told me I'd get back. Apparently, they took out $1300 for housing and a $40 late fee, so where the hell is the rest of my money?

And, the visit just wouldn't be complete without some bitching. I got yelled at. Because I don't want to live there. We left after the bitching.

So, we get back to Matt's, and his mom is bitching as soon as we walk in the fucking door. The carseat needs to go back in the truck before tomorrow morning, the child should've been in bed at 9, Matt's a liar for saying that he's never in bed at 9 (unless I'm the one putting him to bed), the child is whining and throwing a fit because he knows that gets him whatever the hell he wants...

And, now, we've come back to the part with the tax refund.

Okay, despite the fact that I had messed up my knee about as badly as I could without requiring surgery, I had been making a great recovery until... Monday, when without any provocation, my kneecap dislocated.

There go any plans to get in even some gentle, flat terrain nordic skiing for the whole rest of the season. And we can forget about any dancing on St. Patrick's Day.

Here's still hoping that I'll be up to hiking by summer. I've got a couple of great destinations I've picked as incentives to get better quickly.

My godfather -- the one with prostate cancer who had a heart attack a week after his prostate surgery? -- has lung cancer.

First NZ, and now Japan.

Hawaii's next Elwing.

Damn, St. Louis is looking like hell. Half the city seems abandoned and about ready to fall over. No wonder it's number one in the US for violent crime now.

Only 5 1/2 hours until I can get pain meds...only 9 days until I'm fitted for hearing aids...only 2wks 9 days until I get said hearing aids...and then I'll find out if I'm going to need tests/surgery for the pain or if the hearing aids'll help...

Yeah, agonising pain's back On top of everything else that's happening.

Midnight hospital trips suck... especially when they involve having to deal with Tiffany.

Japan.

yeah:(

Was about to go to bed when my cousin called. Our cousin overdosed on ibuprofen earlier and was resisting treatment (struggling/pulling IVs out/etc), so the police came and handcuffed her to the bed. I guess she was screaming about how no one cares about her while my aunt, uncle, her younger sister, and my grandma were waiting to see her. She refused to see them.

Will probably know more tomorrow since I'm going to see cousin that called me.

Can safely say things can't get any worse. Every single aspect of my life (at the risk of sounding emo) has now completely fucked up.

I guess the one good thing about being rock bottom is the only way is up, but I can't see that happening any time soon and I'm starting to think bad thoughts again.

Oh. And I had to reschedule my appointment, because I don't know if I'm being sick because of stress or because I might actually be ill. I can't tell the difference any more.

I have to start freelancing more, or we're gonna have issues. Now where am I going to find time to do that in between taking care of baby and, oh, say, sleeping, eating and breathing?

Put the baby to work.

Do some BABY MODELING!!

Have just found out my dad has shingles. Usually this wouldn't be a big amount of suck, but last time he had shingles he had a week-long episode of bad epileptic fits - he's epileptic, but not in the nice way I am. I seizure, have jamais-vu but in 24-72 hours I'm fine and up again, so long as I get some decent sleep. Every time Dad fits, his brain dies a little. It's horrible epilepsy.

And if that wasn't bad enough...he's got a heart problem. There's a very high probability that if he fits, he'll have a heart attack. Which will probably kill him.

He's already started absencing. (otherwise known as 'petit mal' in old epileptic speak) And I'm up in Birmingham, he's down in Plymouth, and that's 200-odd miles away.

I hate you too, God.

[Edited on 22-3-2011 by Scumfish]

this is like an assawesome coffee. My graphics card broek, so now I'm sitting with just the mainboard's onboard graphics card, which means no games, or even no 3D work for me. However, it does force me to finally buy the new computer I've been saving up for. Which I do not have the money for. I hate borrowing money from family.

There's many things in this life I'd like to witness.

Seeing a man end his life is not one of them.

Witnessed a man shoot himself in the head on the way home from the hospital today.

WTF?!?

....dude, you have the worst luck ever.

Sorry.

Scummy, you know we're here for you, at least figuratively. If I were on the other side of the Atlantic, all you'd need to do is say the word, and I'll be there ready to listen and administer hugs and ice cream therapy. As it is, you can PM me whenever you feel like you're stressing out about this incident.

Thanks guys. I mean, this isn't the first time I've seen something nasty but it's the first time I've seen...well...yeah.

There's no words to describe how I feel right now. I guess the shock hasn't gone. I've just burst into tears and I can't stop crying...or shaking.

Tonight's going to be a hell of a night.

PM me an update in the morning. I would also recommend you get in touch with a qualified friend as soon as possible, because while the reaction you describe seems pretty normal (under the horrific circumstances), just knowing that won't make it easier. (And my own qualifications dealing with critical stress incidents is rather limited.)

Is there a word for the realization that you are a hack? I mean, it's not that I think I am a talentless wannabe, it's just that it has dawned to me that if I want to create something really good, something that is not just superficially good, then I will actually have to put some work into it, like, research. After more than two decades of just winging it, that is kind of a depressing thing to realize. Additionally, the question whether I am not too lazy to actually put that much work into it.