Even Angels have Scars -- Complete

[RavEnigma]

Bravissima, amica mia! you were superb! I only wish i could do something like that! I bow to your glorious worskmanship :bow

[Saint Kurt]

Thanks. I plan on competing in several more contests as Nightcrawler and in a more completed version of the costume. (If you notice, I was wearing a pair of blue shoes rather than proper feet.) My latex feet are curing in the kitchen right now and will be ready in time for SDCC. And I solved my makeup problems this morning by adding a little adhesive to the makeup. Next time, that blue won't be going anywhere and it's actually much more comfortable to wear because it stays flexible. Take that flaky dry paint!

I've actually gotten a few emails since this weekend from folks interested in having me make them a Nightcrawler costume. So far no one likes the price tag. There's a reason I did all the work myself. I couldn't have afforded it any other way!

I'm definitely looking forward to wearing it again, especially with the new changes.

In the meantime, here's some stuff to read...
-e

[Saint Kurt]

"Here, I think I can fix you up with something."


Geoff Mallory was good at taking catnaps. It seemed that, besides medicine, the chief skill learned during the intern years was how to fall into a meaningfully deep sleep even if it was only for minutes at a time. The second skill was to know when to wake up and when to just appear awake while still gaining all the benefits of sleep.

A strange noise caused Geoff to open one eye and then another. He had been napping in the winged armchair he kept in his office for such a purpose. Standing in his doorway, swaying slightly, was his patient. Geoff sat up in his chair.

"Kurt? Are you okay?" He asked.

It was a shock to see Kurt awake, let alone walking around, but surprises from Kurt were fairly common at this point. Kurt brushed his hair away from his face with his good hand; the one that still had his rosary tangled around the fingers. He looked a little lost actually.

"Wo ist Wolfgang? " he asked sleepily.

"Wolfgang? Uh, Wolfgangs sleeping. Are you okay? Do you need something?" Geoff got up.

"Ich habe Durst. "

"Im sorry. I cant understand you when you speak German." Geoff said. "Can you say it in English."

"Thirsty." Kurt said after a moments consideration.

Geoff laughed. It had to have been hours since Kurt had last eaten or drunk anything. "Here, I think I can fix you up with something." He put a hand on Kurts shoulder and guided him down the hall to the staff breakroom. Kurt may have been walking but he was still far from awake. His tail was dragging on the ground like an after thought and several times he tripped over it like he didnt know it was his.

Geoff guided him over to a chair and sat him down. Kurt spent a few seconds looking around before clumsily arranging himself so that he was crouched precariously on the seats edge.

"Maybe I can convince you to switch chairs." Geoff said, offering Kurt a much sturdier chair with arms. Kurt climbed down and took up the same position in the new chair, but this time he looked a lot safer with the arms to keep him from toppling over the side.

"Do you always sit like that?" he asked.

Kurts response was a string of German and a nod.

"Im just going to assume thats a yes." Geoff said. "So, youre thirsty. Lets see."

Geoff rummaged around, but there wasnt much. He pulled out what looked like a clean tea mug and filled it with water. "This is a start." He said setting it down in front of Kurt. Geoff could tell how groggy he still was when Kurt tried to drink it without lifting the mug from the table and spilled most of the water on the floor.

"Lets try that again." He said. This time he helped Kurt hold onto it as he gulped the water greedily.

"Better?"

Kurt nodded his head enthusiastically. "Ja."

"How about something to eat? Are you hungry?" Geoff asked, realizing at that very moment he was starving.

He got up and poured Kurt another glass of water. There was even less chance of finding anything edible in here. Geoff opened the refrigerator and found the remains of a week old birthday cake from one of the staff, and an apple. There were a few unopened cartons of milk though. Up in the cupboard Geoff spotted the tartan wrapper of a box of Scottish shortbread cookies, his favorites, especially with milk.

Geoff collected a second mug and brought it with him to the table. He ripped opened the shortbread and poured the milk. He was on his third piece before he realized he hadnt offered any to Kurt.

"Here. Theyre really good. Theyre from Scotland," he said. Kurt reached out, but his rosary was still tangled in his fingers. After a moment spent trying to remove it, he changed his mind and took the cookie from Geoffs hand with his tail.

"Wow. Thats quite a trick." Geoff said. "Here, let me help you with this." The rosary wasnt wrapped as tightly as it looked and it took only a moment to free Kurts hand.

"Danke." Kurt said. He let the rosary sit on the table and transferred the shortbread to his hand before biting into it.

"Like it?" Geoff asked. Kurt nodded. "Theyre even better like this." Geoff dipped one in milk and held it out to him. Kurt accepted it daintily with fingers that reminded Geoff more of a cartoon character than anything else. He suspected that he had undergone the same transformation that anyone who spent any time with Kurt did. Features that had once been frightening seemed drained of their menace, taking on a cartoonish quality, like someone had tried to draw a monster and gotten it all wrong.

They finished off the cookies and most of the milk. Kurt knew about doctors from books and movies but had never been in a doctors office so he was curious about everything from the posters on the breakroom walls to the stethoscope that was still draped over Geoffs shoulders. Finally Geoff led him back to the exam room that he had turned into a bedroom for the night.

"I thought casts were white?" Kurt said looking at his arm.

"They were. Now they’re made out of fiberglass instead of plaster so they come in colors. I thought the blue was a good match. I usually let patients pick, but you were sleeping." Geoff said.

"I like blue." Kurt said. "How long do I to have it on?"

"A month maybe. Not long."

"And this." Kurt held up his other hand, where Geoff had placed the IV.

"A few days if you dont mind it. In case something happens." Geoff said.

"What could happen?" Kurt asked.

Geoff smiled. "Nothing, I hope." He fixed the blankets and helped Kurt lie down.

"Can I go home then?" Kurt asked, making a face as Dr. Mallory tried to put the tube with the oxygen back around his ears.

"In the morning Ill take you and Wolfgang back," he said.

Kurt smiled. "Good," he said.

"But I might come by and visit if youre not too sick of me."

Kurt shook his head.

"Then get some more sleep. Morning will be here soon enough." Geoff said. He dimmed the room lights and watched Kurt close his eyes.

Geoff passed the breakroom on his way back to his office and saw Kurts rosary sitting on the table where hed left it. He scooped it up, looking at it in his hand as he walked back to where Kurt was now sleeping. It seemed odd that someone who looked like Kurt would be so religious. Then again it appeared that Kurt was a perfect paradox; everything on the inside in perfect opposition to what was on the outside. He should have expected it.

Geoff returned to Kurts room where he returned it to its usual place on Kurts left hand, wrapping it around once and then closing Kurts fingers on it, watching his sleeping features shift into a slight smile as though in a silent acknowledgement of thanks.

[CurlyyHairGirl]

Of course you will win more, we don't expect any less from you:)

Shortbread cookies are soooo good, you made me hungry:(And we don't buy cookies anymore:cry.
I love how Kurt, even though still groggy, is much calmer and trusting. *huggles* Ain't 'e just a sweetie-pie?

[Singe]

Latex feet in tow, you'll conquer the costuming world. Just need to remind you how much I'm enjoying this, and politely request that you update a leeeetle bit more often. This waiting is no fun.

[InterNutter]

I just read this entire thing and can't *believe* I let it go so long.

Dayumn. You *good*, zam...

Consider me another eager fan

[Nandireya]

Congrats on the costume...after all your hard work I'm glad it was so well received...and your 'Hello Kurty' is just frikken adorable !

Oh...story's great too

[Saint Kurt]

Thanks for reading and for your wonderful feedback as always.

That chapter kind of sprang out of nothingness. I suddenly got this image of them having a midnight snack together. Compared to the rest of what I've written, it veers dangerously close to "cute".

Wow, you read it all in one sitting Internutter? That's a lot of reading. When I started this I didn't expect to be writing War and Peace Nightcrawler style... I'm glad you liked it though. I've been to your site and enjoyed the stories archived there.

I'm working on version 2 of my costume now - a new tail and finishing off the feet (which are oddly reminiscent of Nightcrawler galoshes)...

I'm still chipping away at this crazy saga. I numbered part 45 the other day. I must be insane. I expect the men in white coats to come get me whenever I hit part 50.

Anyway, here's more.
-e

[Saint Kurt]

"Looks like our ride is here."


Wolfgang sat up with a start. Light was streaming through the waiting room windows. He rubbed his eyes and uncurled himself from his cramped position on the loveseat. As he sat up and stretched his arms, he noticed someone knocking on the window.

"Christian?" Wolfgang pulled back the bolt and unlocked the clinics front door so Christian and Maria could come in. He stared at them numbly, wondering how theyd gotten there.

"Terry told us where to go and lent us his car." Christian said. He looked around the waiting room with interest, taking in the various HIV, AIDS, and human rights awareness posters on the walls.

"I got worried when you never came home." Maria said. "Is everything okay? What happened?" She reached toward the cut on Wolfgangs cheek that Dr. Mallory had taped closed.

"Kurt did it." Wolfgang said.

There was a flash of disbelief on Christians face. "Really? How did that happen? What were you guys doing here?"

Wolfgang shrugged, not yet awake enough to put the evenings events into words. "He was kind of upset. It was an accident." He mumbled.

"But youre both all right?" Maria asked him. "How come you never came home?" She brushed his hair out of his eyes.

"It just got so late, you know…" Wolfgang trailed off, once again not even knowing where to start. It was like hed been on a different planet than the rest of the circus since he had run through the maze of trailers carrying Kurt in his arms. It was hard to imagine that the rest of the world had been operating while hed been away.

"So Kurts okay?" Christian said.

"Yeah, yeah. Hes down this way. The doctor said we can take him home." Wolfgang slid his feet back into his shoes and waved them down the hall with him. They turned the corner to where Kurt was sleeping, curled up on his side on the exam table. Despite Wolfgangs clean up attempts he actually looked a little worse now that the bruises on his face had started to puff up. One eye was nearly closed, but at the sound of their footsteps, Kurt opened the other one.

"Hey buddy," Christian said as he entered the room. "Everyones been really worried about you."

"Why?" Kurt asked groggily.

Christian started laughing. "Why? Youre hilarious. Why do you think?"

"Are you sure youre okay?" Maria asked Wolfgang. They were still standing in the hallway. He looked so lost to her as though during the night he had forgotten the way and was now adrift without a compass or direction.

"Im fine." Wolfgang said with a curt nod. He looked around. "The doctor is here somewhere." He said.

"Right here." A voice said. They turned and saw Dr. Mallory coming down the hallway.

"Looks like our ride is here." Wolfgang said to him.

Geoff looked at his watch and nodded. "Just in time too. Staff will be showing up in a half hour or so."

"Ready to go home?" Christian asked, helping Kurt sit up.

Kurt nodded, still half asleep.

A few minutes later Christian and Marie were slowly walking down the hallway with Kurt between them. It was a relief to see him awake and walking again, sounding more like his old self. Wolfgang could feel the strange hard lump that had settled in his chest ever since Margali and Amanda had entrusted him with Kurts care, starting to melt.

"Ill come by and check on him later today." Dr. Mallory told Wolfgang.

"He looks better." Wolfgang said.

Dr. Mallory nodded in agreement. "A lot better. Still, it pays to be cautious. Hes a tough kid, but he did have a pretty rough night."

Wolfgang took Dr. Mallorys hand and shook it. "Thank you so much, for everything. I could tell you were a little nervous at first."

"I think you meant to say terrified." Dr. Mallory said. "I certainly have learned not to judge a book by its cover."

Wolfgang smiled. "Yeah. I think he teaches that one to a lot of people."

"Its been a pleasure." Dr. Mallory said.

"Likewise."

They parted and outside the clinic Wolfgang saw Christian sitting behind the wheel of what must have been Terrys car. Maria was in the backseat with Kurt who was dozing with his head on her shoulder. It was good to be going back. Wolfgang felt like hed lived a whole lifetime between last night and this morning.


Christian did a little fancy maneuvering to get the car as close as possible to Margalis trailer. Wolfgang and Maria walked with Kurt the rest of the way. Amanda opened the door when she saw them approaching.

"We were so worried." She said, crossing the distance between them and pulling Kurt into a tight hug. "Im so sorry I couldnt go with you. Mom was sick. She was so worried."

"Is she okay?" Kurt asked as the four of them walked side by side.

"Yeah, just a little tired. Im sure shell feel even better when she sees you." Amanda said.

Margali met them at the door; she had dark circles under her eyes but was nevertheless overjoyed by her sons return. She helped Kurt, who was making a valiant effort, but still unsteady on his feet, navigate the steps into their trailer. Wolfgang started to follow but Maria held him back.

"I think they can handle it from here." She said.

Wolfgang nodded, suddenly reluctant. He had felt so strained by the responsibility of Kurts care and yet now it felt strange to be giving it up. He turned away, but felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned back. It was Margali.

"Thank you for listening." She said and gave him a small peck on the cheek.

"What? Listening to what?" Wolfgang asked, but Margali only smiled and retreated to the vans interior.

Shrugging his shoulders he followed Maria back to their own trailer. "I guess I should start making arrangements for whatever needs to happen next with the circus." He said.

"Not until youve had a shower and some sleep." Maria admonished. "Look at you."

Inside their much smaller trailer Wolfgang looked in the mirror. He was sure that at some point yesterday he had looked respectable, but he could tell he hadnt for a long time. His hair was sticking out in a dozen different directions and he had a shadow of dark stubble on his cheeks and chin. Add to that the bags under his eyes and the cut from Kurts tail and he looked quite disheveled indeed. His shirt was un-tucked and wrinkled from sleeping in it, plus it was streaked with Kurts blood. He unbuttoned it and left it in a pile on the floor, still staring at himself in the mirror.

He didnt know how to feel, it was like his organs had turned to ice. It wasnt until he was standing under the hot water of the shower with Maria massaging shampoo into his hair that he felt his insides start to thaw.

He couldnt do this anymore. This whole trip had been a nightmare for Kurt and it had been his fault. Starting with the ferry and now this. Wolfgang felt like he had wandered down the wrong path and even though he knew it was wrong, he couldnt get back, that he was from now on misguided and that Circus Gehlhaar and Kurt in particular would suffer for it. Leaning close in to the woman he loved, Wolfgang let his tears mingle with the water cascading down his face. He couldnt do this anymore.

[theindigojester]

Wow! That is really the only word I can think of to describe the last post at the moment. That ending actually made me tear up. It was so moving and very well done. I can't wait to see what is going to happen.

As for the length, I personally don't think it's a problem. When you're reading a good story you want it to keep going and going and get a lot of details and that's exactly what you are giving us. Thanks!

[InterNutter]

Please don't tell me he sells the circus to some nutjob who wants to put Kurt into a freakshow? Please?

I'd be anxiously hopping around like a loon, except I have a Lurgi at the moment, so I don't have the energy. Bleah.

You write too damn good.

[Saint Kurt]

Wolfgang doesn't own the circus. He's only the manager. The circus is owned by Franz Gehlhaar who gets mentioned on occasion in the stories, but doesn't actually travel with them.

What's a Lurgi?



-e

[InterNutter]

A Lurgi is an unspecified 'flulike disease. Otherwise known as "It must be something that's going around".

It's a shorthand I stole freely from the Goon Show [BBC radio, if ya gotta know ]

[CurlyyHairGirl]

I am soooo happy to see that Kurt finally got to go home, but it is so sad that Wolfgang is so upset with himself, it makes me want to cry *holds back tears...barely*

If he does leave, everybody will miss him, right? He's done sooo much for the Circus:shakeno...time will tell the tale, of at least you will:toothy(I know...bad joke)

[Saint Kurt]

"As flattering and stylish as black is, I do like other colors."



Amanda jumped up when the door to their trailer opened. Father Dietrich poked his head in.

"Hello?"

"Oh wow." Amanda said. "You made it. This is amazing. Kurt is going to be so happy."

"Thank the lord for English speaking countries where we can actually do something useful." James announced, carrying in the Fathers suitcase.

"And we survived left handed cars on right handed roads. Or is it the other way around?" Brin said holding up the keys to the circus smallest truck, the one they always used to run small errands with.

"Im sure Wolfgang can arrange a hotel or something later." Amanda said

"Its fine. Im not worried about it." Father Dietrich said. He turned to Margali. "How are you? You look tired."

Margali sat at their table, dark circles ringing her eyes. She rose from her seat at the table. "Hans, its so good to see you." She said. "Im alright now. It was a long night."

Father Dietrich took off his coat and turned to see Amanda, James, and Brin all staring at him. "What?"

"Its just…" Amanda began.

"Weve never seen you dressed like that." James finished.

Father Dietrich looked down at his clothes. "You dont like my traveler disguise?" He asked. "The collar is a privilege, not an obligation." He said in response to their faces. "When I travel dressed as a priest I have a ten foot radius around me where everyone acts like theyre still in church. This is easier on everyone."

"I think its the Hawaiian shirt." James said.

"What can I say? As flattering and stylish as black is, I do like other colors. I get them all in at once this way." He shrugged. "Ill change if it makes you that uncomfortable." He said.

"I like it." Margali said.

"It doesnt," said Amanda. "Its just different than what were used to. Anyway I dont think Kurt will care."

"Thats true. Where is he?" Father Dietrich said looking into Kurts empty bunk.

"In moms bed." Amanda said. "Its quieter back there and bigger." She stood up and led him to the back of the trailer to where the door to Margalis room was. She slid it open and looked in. Kurt was pretty much how hed been since Wolfgang brought him back, asleep except he had turned onto his back instead of on his side like how he normally slept. She knelt by the side of the bed to wake him and then turned to look at Father Dietrich when she couldnt.

"Whats wrong?" He asked.

"I dont know. I cant wake him up. And it sounds like he cant breathe." She said.

Father Dietrich joined her, sitting quickly at the edge of the bed. She was right. Up close he could see Kurt struggling with each breath he too k and he didnt stir even when he lifted one of Kurts eyelids. Hed served as chaplain at several different hospitals and though the doctors rarely bothered to explain their patients medical conditions, he had enough experience to know when someone was in trouble.

"Did the doctor leave a number you could call?" He asked Amanda.

"Yes." She said, standing up and starting to back away.

"Call it." He said. "Hurry."

Without a word Amanda turned and ran out of the room. Margali rushed in with James and Brin following.

"Whats going on?" She said. "Whats the matter?"

Father Dietrich shook his head. "I dont know." He moved aside so that Margali could take his place next to her son. He listened to her trying to wake him, speaking to him in comforting tones. But, other than the sound of his labored breathing, Kurt was distressingly silent. And so Father Dietrich did the only useful thing he could think of. He prayed for him.

[InterNutter]

I think I speak for everyone here when I say:
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!

[Maelstrom]

Pulmonary distress, but from what? Pulmonary edema? Bruised/punctured lung? He doesn't have the tell-tale foam around his mouth, so I don't think it's edema.... I'm detecting intubation in the near future....

As vicious as Kurt's injury treatment is, I'm actually glad to see it done this way. Too many forget that in real life, people regularly die from beatings. We see people get the crap kicked out of them, and fall unconscious, so regularly in the comics that we forget the real-world consequences. Getting pummeled into unconsciousness is bad.

[CurlyyHairGirl]

Maelstrom scares me with her medical jargon...*shudder* But it is true that people don't realize how many people die of beatings:shakeno tis a sad sad thing.

One little nit pick, not big at all, might just be me even.

origanally posted by Zamweasel
Amanda jumped up when the door to their trailer opened. Father Dietrich poked his head in.

"Hello?"

"Oh wow." Amanda said. "You made it. This is amazing. Kurt is going to be so happy."

"Thank the lord for English speaking countries where we can actually do something useful." James announced, carrying in the Father's suitcase.

"And we survived left handed cars on right handed roads. Or is it the other way around?" Brin said holding up the keys to the circus' smallest truck, the one they always used to run small errands with.

"I'm sure Wolfgang can arrange a hotel or something later." Amanda said

When I first read this part, I was completely lost. I wasn't sure what the heck they were talking about or how the good Father showed up outta nowhere.

Overall it is a good update, another cliffhanger, but where would we be without em?

~EMO~

[SheCat]

I finally got the time to read this, and I'm so glad I did! Your history of Kurt is epic, with believable, strong OC's, thourough knowledge of the topic, great detail and natural dialogue and characterization. Truly amazing.

By the way, I'm so sorry about your hospital ordeal. Hospitals suck. But I'm happy that you're out.

[Saint Kurt]

Pulmonary Edema is correct! Step this way for your medical school entrance exams....

Pulmonary Edema is not always a complication of a hemo/pneumothorax however, so there wouldn't necessarily be any visible bleeding. PE is THE major complication (and killer) after transplant surgeries when blood clots break away from the transplant site and move to the heart. Any time there is internal bleeding (particularly around the solid organs), there is the possibility of PE.

Yikes. I just totally broke my medical jargon rule... But it's not in the story so it's okay.

Sorry to just spring Father Dietrich on you like that Curly, his arrival is explained in time...

-e


(On another note - do you know I had to be vaccinated for rabies before starting vet school? Now I know how my dog feels...)

[Nandireya]

Originally posted by zamweasel
On another note - do you know I had to be vaccinated for rabies before starting vet school? Now I know how my dog feels...

You're a vet? Cool! Nand always wanted to be a vet...she adores animals...that's why she doesn't eat them...she is also glad she lives in a rabies free country

Now...back to the story...

[CurlyyHairGirl]

Nand is talking in the third.LOL

Thank you Zam, I just wasn't sure, cause it was like BOOM the good Father D.

PE, huh? Pulmonary Edema? Well that proves I'm a ditz, here I always thought PE stands for Physical Education:toothy

[NWKurt]

Zam, you dont know what hell I have been through in the last week not being able to catch up on your goodness! I was on vacation WITHOUT INTERNET! All I could think about throughout the lulls in the driving was when I could get back and read this thread.

And darn-it, just when I got comfy with reading the latest posts, ARRRGGGG!!! Another plot cliffhanger!

But I know you have your magic at the ready, I cant thank you enough. I'll give ya a call soon;)

NWKurt

[Saint Kurt]

I'm not a veterinarian yet. I'm a vet student. And I'm a paramedic. So basically I know enough to be dangerous and that's about it.

PE = gym. Ha ha. And that Curly, is why I avoid medical jargon. Could you imagine:

"What's wrong with him?"
"PE! He's gonna die!"

Stunned silence from the reader... You mean gym class is fatal? Damn, I didn't even know he was enrolled in school.

I try instead to explain what's going on through the character's POV instead, it seems to flow better that way. Plus, in my experience doctors don't usually discuss what's wrong, it's more like a lot of "get that, open those, gimme the vitals..." Which doesn't really move the plot.

And I'm sorry I ruined your vacation NWKurt. Hopefully you were doing all the amazing things you can do in the northwest that I would be doing if I hadn't moved to Chicago. (Then again if I still lived in the the NW, I would be out windsurfing, skiing, and rock climbing instead of writing this story most likely. So perhaps my loss is your gain. )

Anyway, sorry for the cliff hanger. It was sort of the calm before the storm...

-e

[Saint Kurt]

"It was an accident. I didnt mean for it to happen."




Geoff Mallory bustled into the trailer, surprised that hed been able to follow Amandas directions through the compound. The Brighton Festival living quarters of Circus Gehlhaar were even more maze like and complicated than where the office trailers had been.

"Wheres Amanda?" He asked, knowing that Wolfgang and any of the others he had met last night were probably sleeping the way he should have been. Amandas was the only name he now knew besides Kurts, and he had no idea what she even looked like.

"Here." Amanda called from the back. "Were all back here."

Geoff moved through the trailer which was much newer than nicer than many of its neighbors. Kurt was in the back room with several others. A woman with blonde hair wearing dark clothes moved away so he could sit at the edge of the bed where Kurt lay.

Kurt looked the same as he had when he left just a few ours ago except that something was now terribly wrong. He could see the tendons and muscles in Kurts neck straining with every breath he took. There was a small trickle of blood running from his nose. He had a small bag with him, the same one he had brought the night before. He pulled his stethoscope and penlight out so he could examine Kurt again.

"Whats happening to you Kurt?" He muttered to himself as he worked. He couldnt understand how this was the same patient who had walked out of his office that morning. There certainly wasnt any danger of Kurt kicking him across the room now and Geoff found himself wishing it were the other way around.

"He was okay before." Amanda said. "He just said he was tired." She tried to keep her voice from shaking.

"I know. Im going to do everything I can." Dr. Mallory said. "I have another doctor coming from the clinic with some equipment."

As if on cue a man dressed in a white coat struggling with several large bags pushed the door open. "Geoff? Am I in the right place?" He asked. He had neatly combed dark hair and the name "Dr. Gallo" was embroidered on his coat; he had obviously rushed out of the office without changing. He joined them, dropping bag after bag as he released their straps from his shoulders.

"This is Paul, my partner." Geoff said brusquely, he was already unzipping the cases and pulling things out.

Paul looked up and smiled briefly at everyone. He spent a long moment looking at Kurt, but had didnt seem surprised by his appearance like Dr. Mallory had when he first arrived. Dr. Mallory had obviously explained things to him. For a few moments no one spoke but the pair of doctors who worked efficiently and quickly, Paul often handing the right thing to Geoff without being asked for it; the two of them speaking in half sentences that neither needed to finish.

"We need to… Oh, you started one. Can you hand me the… Thanks." Paul said as accepted a bag of fluid and plugged the tube into Kurts hand. He spent a moment looking for a place to hang it before Amanda took it from him.

"Somethings wrong isnt?" Father Dietrich asked.

Geoff looked up into yet another face he didnt recognize. "Something. Im not sure what yet." He said. "Are you part of the circus too?"

Father Dietrich shook his head. "Im a friend. Im Kurts priest."

Geoff nodded in understanding, shifting his attention back to the task at hand.



Nothing they did was working. Kurt hadnt improved. In fact, he actually appeared to be getting worse and it slowly dawned on Geoff that his greatest fears were being realized. He understood what was happening, why Kurt couldnt breathe, why his blood pressure was dropping, why nothing they did seemed to help him.

Despite his appearance the night before, Kurt had been bleeding internally, but not bad enough that the blood couldnt clot, that the wounds couldnt begin to heal. But sometime during the night one of those clots had come loose, forced into circulation by the blood moving through his veins. And then it had been slowly carried closer and closer to his heart until it lodged there, robbing the organ of its ability to pump blood, a condition known as "pulmonary embolism". It killed thousands every year. Surgery, trauma, any event where there was bleeding, there was the possibility of this complication. And so even as they had sat together eating shortbread cookies, Kurts fate had been sealed.

Had they been in a hospital Kurts prognosis would have still been poor. Advances were being made in this area all the time, new drugs and techniques that might have saved his life. Even so, there were only maybe a dozen or so surgeons in the world knowledgeable enough and they were too far away. Here in this trailer, less than five minutes away from a hospital, help was still beyond them. They may have well been on the moon.

Geoff turned to the man kneeling beside Kurts head. "You said youre a priest?"

"Yes."

"If you want to administer last rites, you can. Thats a good place to be, so youre out of the way." Geoff said. He looked into Pauls eyes and could see his partner had been thinking the same thing. They would continue to work, but they were doing it now not for Kurt, but so his friends and family would know that they had fought with him until the end.

"Ill get my things." Father Dietrich said. He rose slowly and with the feeling of unreality returned to the front room of the trailer.

Even before Kurt had been found, when it was just a phone call from Wolfgang telling him Kurt was missing, he had made the decision to come here. Though his relationship to the circus was primarily through Kurt and he considered Kurt a friend, he cared about all of the families in Circus Gehlhaar. In the many years since he and Kurt first met, he had come to serve as priest to several other of the circuss members and their families. And even those who may not have shared in his beliefs still came to count on him as listening ear and spiritual guide. It was something he enjoyed. Some of the closest bonds of family and friendship he had ever seen existed here. It was as though by sacrificing the stability of living in one place, the deeper need for warmth and understanding drove them. He chose not just to come for Kurt, but for all of them.

He hadnt known what to pack. He had nearly left his stole and his oils behind, including them only at the last minute as though to ward off the possibility that they would be needed. His hands were shaking as he reached into his suitcase.

Father Dietrich tried to stay out of the doctors way as they worked, but he couldnt help but notice that more often then not, they were staying out of his way. He had administered last rites for his parishioners before and it was always difficult; probably the hardest thing he had to do. He usually dealt with it but pretending he didnt know them; it was only while he worked, so that he could commit his full attention to the task at hand. And then afterward he mourned for them.

But with Kurt that was impossible. Everything about him was so distinct that there was no way he could keep up the ruse for long. From the way the oil soaked into and matted the fur on his forehead to his palms with their thick sturdy fingers, there was no one else Kurt could be. It seemed that the doctors finished at the same time he did, the three of them stepping back nearly in unison.

The room was completely still, its occupants frozen as though in a tableau. Brin sat with Amanda, she had put her arm around Amandas shoulder to comfort her friend. Next to them was James, sitting a little apart from them, his mouth opened in surprise. Father Dietrich was still at the head of the bed with Margali still beside him. In the middle of it was Kurt, lying on the bed with his head tilted at an unnatural angle, his eyes part way open so that the whites showed.

James slowly closed his mouth and forced himself to swallow. "Someone should tell Wolfgang what happened." He said in what was barely more than a whisper. He was met with silence and he slowly rose to his feet. "Ill go tell him." He said. The room stayed silent and still as he left, but it was as though his action thawed them all so that they began moving again when he was gone.

"Im so sorry." Dr. Mallory said. He slowly peeled off his gloves so he could wipe his nose and eyes. His partner, Paul, who had only known Kurt through Geoffs stories, if at all, kept his eyes downcast.

Father Dietrich let his hand come to rest for a moment on the top of Kurts head before he laid them against Kurts eyelids to close them. He looked up and caught Margalis glance. For a moment she looked resigned and then something in them changed. She stood up.

"No." She said. "This isnt happening." She sat down next to Kurt on the bed, nearly shoving Dr. Mallory to the ground. He jumped back in surprise. She took Kurts hand in both of hers, squeezing it tightly and closing her eyes.

"Magali." Father Dietrich said. He put a hand on her shoulder, but she shook her head, now rocking back and forth squeezing Kurts hand tighter and tighter. On the other side of the room Amanda leaned forward, slipping out from under the arm Brin had put around her shoulder.

"Mom. Stop." She said.

"No!" It came out high pitched and hoarse, like a scream. The two doctors, who had begun putting their equipment away and removing the evidence of their interventions from Kurts body stopped and moved away. Grief could tear families apart and they knew better than to hang around in the middle of it.

The room had begun to fill with a strange energy – the same charged feeling that came before a lighting storm. Father Dietrich could feel the hair on his neck standing on end. He was sitting the closest to Margali and somehow, it seemed to him as though she was the locus of it, she and Kurt. She was squeezing his hand so tightly that it looked like bones were about to snap.

"Margali, what are you doing?" Father Dietrich asked.

The energy in the room changed, shifting to feel darker, even sinister. Yet Father Dietrich wasnt sure what they were feeling at all. "Margali?" He asked again and suddenly her eyes opened wide, her expression becoming trapped and frightened. Father Dietrich still had his hand on her shoulder. "Margali, whatever youre doing, stop it." The energy was building, becoming too much to bear.

And when it seemed that it was impossible for it to build any longer, the release came. A great discharge of power so intense that everyone was thrown backward in a circle around the pair, the world going black even as they fought to understand exactly what was happening.




Kurt opened his eyes and tried to draw breath. He couldnt. He was choking; there was something in the way. He struggled for a moment, gagging and coughing, the world threatening to return to darkness as it closed in around the corners of his eyes. Suddenly Brin was there, looking down at him. There was a frantic moment where it appeared that she too was at a loss for what to do, but then she reached out a hand and used it to withdraw the offending object from Kurts throat. Kurt turned onto his side, still gagging but happy to at last draw breath.

"That was horrible." He said, still gulping air gratefully. "What happened? What was that?" He repeated himself in English when he remembered it was Brin he was talking to.

Brin was staring at the tube still held in her hand. She turned and looked at him. "Kurt?" She asked. "Kurt I thought you were…" She trailed off, looking around at the rest of the room, at everyone else lying on the floor as though blown backward by a great gust of wind. What had happened?

"What is that? Why was that in my mouth?" Kurt asked. He sat up, now looking around the room as well.

Brin looked at Kurt in wide-eyed wonder. "They put that down your throat. The doctors." She said, gesturing toward Drs. Mallory and Gallo who were still unconscious on the floor. "To make you breathe, I think."

Kurt knitted his brow. But, thats what he had been choking on. It had made it hard to breathe, not the other way around. Then he sat up straighter, looking in surprise at where the priest had been thrown against the wall, Margali sprawled out unconscious with her head against his chest. "Father Dietrich?" He turned back to Brin. "How did Father Dietrich get here? Whats going on? Mom? "

He hopped down off the bed and Brin gasped. A moment ago she had been watching him die, hadnt she? Wasnt that what had happened? She opened her mouth, but didnt speak.

Kurt touched Margali on the check and she groaned, rousing Father Dietrich as she shifted position. He looked confused for a moment, but then seemed to come around, making the same wide-eyed expression as Brin.

"Kurt?" He sat up quickly, gently lowering Margali to the floor as he did. He reached out, like he was going to touch Kurt but was afraid to. "God in Heaven, how is this possible?"

Behind Kurt, Brin shook her head. She didnt know how it was possible either.

Kurt could feel the corners of his mouth turning down hard as a frown formed on his face. How had all these people gotten in here? And why were they all lying on the floor? And most importantly, why did everyone suddenly seem afraid of him? The others stirred now too, rubbing their eyes and groaning as they came awake. Kurt climbed back onto the bed and pressed himself as far back against the wall as possible. He didnt like this. When Margali saw him there, she gave a quick shriek of surprise and then covered her mouth with her hand.

"Its all right Kurt, Im not going to hurt you." Dr. Mallory said as he cautiously approached, moving to sit on the edge of the bed. He wasnt sure how his patient, who a moment ago had had neither respirations nor a pulse, was now awake and talking to them. Kurt shrank away from him and shook his head.

"Margali, what did you do?" Father Dietrich asked.

She shook her head. "It was an accident." She said, her normally strident voice sounding like that of a scolded child. "I didnt mean for it to happen."



James was silent as he and Wolfgang made their way toward Margalis trailer. When he had arrived in Wolfgangs trailer, James had found himself strangely mute, as though by not telling Wolfgang that Kurt was dead he could somehow change what had happened. He still hadnt said a word even as they made their way back to Margalis.

"James, whats going on?" Wolfgang asked him over and over as they walked.

They stopped at the door of the trailer, James barring the way.

"Whats the matter with you?" Wolfgang asked. "Whats going on here?"

"Father Dietrich is here." James said, finally finding his voice. Wolfgang looked confused. "Hes here and two doctors are here." James took a deep breath. When he had left to fetch Wolfgang he hadnt realized how difficult this was going to be.

"Something happened to Kurt?" Wolfgang said.

James nodded. "Father Dietrich was able to perform last rites." He said. "But there was nothing the doctors could do. So he… So Kurt…" Wolfgang pulled James out of the way and opened the door. He stormed through the trailer and stopped at the door to the back room. James arrived a moment later and looked over Wolfgangs shoulder into the room, his jaw slack with disbelief.

"I dont believe it." Said James. "When I left, he was…" But he didnt finish his sentence, because now Kurt was sitting up of the edge of the bed while one of the doctors held a stethoscope against his chest.

Dr. Mallory sat back, bending his stethoscope in his hands thoughtfully. He looked over to where Wolfgang stood in the door. "I cant find anything wrong with him." He said.

Wolfgang looked confused. "Thats good right?" He said.

The second doctor, Dr. Gallo took Geoffs stethoscope and put the earpieces in his ears. "May I?" He asked Kurt. Kurt shook his head and moved to the opposite end of the bed. He glanced suspiciously in Father Dietrichs direction; still not sure of how the priest had gotten in their trailer, his confusion overshadowing any happiness he had over seeing his friend and mentor.

"Youre fine." Father Dietrich said. "Everyone was just worried thats all." He told Kurt.

"Wait a minute." Wolfgang said. "James just told me Kurt was dead." He turned back to James. "Thats what you were trying to say right?"

"What?" Kurt asked.

"Wolfgang!" Father Dietrich shouted before James could answer. Whatever it was that had happened was strange enough without discussing in front of Kurt.

"But Im not dead." Kurt said.

"No." Father Dietrich said. "Youre not."

Kurt nodded as though Father Dietrich had confirmed what he already knew and he wasnt sure why no else seemed convinced. The sound of someone sobbing broke the silence and for the first time he noticed Amanda, still curled up on the floor where she had fallen. "Amanda, whats wrong?" He asked. He got off the bed and knelt on the floor beside her.

She sat up, her eyes wet with tears, looking past Kurt to glare at Margali. "Mom, how could you?" She said.

Margali looked stricken. "Amanda, I…"

"Amanda?" Kurt went to put his hand on her shoulder.

She whirled around. "Dont you touch me!" She shouted. "Get away!"

Kurt froze in surprise, but then retreated once again to the far corner of Margalis bed, folding his body up tightly and wrapping his tail protectively around himself.

"Amanda…" Father Dietrich started to speak, but Amanda stood up, placing her hands on her hips, still glaring at Margali.

"How could you?" She asked again, more forcefully, nearly dripping with venom.

"Amanda, whats wrong? Kurts fine." Wolfgang said.

She glared at him for a moment. "I know Kurts fine." She shouted. "But Im not." Then she pushed Wolfgang aside and ran from the room and out of the trailer without looking back.

"Will somebody please tell me what is happening?" Wolfgang said. He was met with stunned silence as though nobody knew how to answer. Then Dr. Mallory stood up.

"Wolfgang, this is my partner Paul Gallo. If you come outside, we will explain, or at least attempt to explain, everything." He said. He beckoned the two of them. Dr. Gallo stood immediately, but Wolfgang hesitated looking from Kurt to Dr. Mallory and back as though he wasnt sure who was going to give him the best answers. Finally he followed the two doctors from the trailer.

"Would you like me to go find Amanda?" Father Dietrich asked Margali.

She shook her head. "No. This is something only I can solve." She said and left without another word. At the same time James gave a quick nod to Brin, motioning towards the door. She too got up and left so that it was just Kurt and Father Dietrich alone in the room.

"How did you get here?" Kurt asked Father Dietrich, happy to have someone to answer his questions at last. "How did you even know to come?"

"Wolfgang called me and told me you were missing. And then later I tried the office phone and left a message. Amanda called me back and said youd been found but were at a hospital. It was a little confusing for a while." Father Dietrich said.

"You came just for me?" Kurt asked.

"For you, and for your family too. Everyone was very worried about you. So was I."

"How did you get here? How long was I missing? I dont remember any of that." Kurt said, knitting his brow in confusion. He was looking around the room, taking in the various things the doctors had left behind, trying to figure out why he wasnt in his own bed. "I remember Christian picking us up in a car." Kurt said. "And Dr. Mallory. I woke up in the middle of the night and he gave me something to eat." He had other memories too, but they were even more vague, nothing he could put into words yet.

Father Dietrich slid the stole from around his neck and shook his head. "I took a plane and I only got here a few minutes ago." He said. "I wish I could tell you more, but I know less than you do."

Kurt shifted so he could look out the window and shivered. "I dont like not knowing," he said.

"Here." Father Dietrich picked up the blanket that had been tossed aside while the doctors worked. He put it around Kurts shoulders. Kurt took the edges and wrapped himself tighter. It was so strange to be sitting on Margalis bed in this trailer that had never really felt like home; at least not in the same way their old one had. And it was even stranger the way everyone was acting, both frightened of him and angry with him at the same time. At least Father Dietrich seemed to be back to normal.

"Im glad youre here." Kurt said.

Father Dietrich smiled. "So am I."

"And, I like your shirt."