5/31 Issue: Somebody Call CPS (On the President)

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Esynthia
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5/31 Issue: Somebody Call CPS (On the President)

Post by Esynthia » Mon May 31, 2021 6:18 pm

Timeline: A couple of days after Stranger Danger

Rogue: Rogue rocked her baby in her arms, swing her torso left to right and singing lullabies in a whisper that was louder than she realized. "Daddy, come kiss baby night night."

Bobby: Bobby looked up from the Superman figure he was encasing in a block of ice and then to the doll in his friend's arms. "I'm not a daddy. I'm Mr. Freeze!"

Rogue: She pursed her lips tight and drew her eyebrows down as far as they could go. "Y' can be freezy-man after y' kiss th' baby night night!" Rogue pushed to stand and toddled over to him, shoving the doll at his face. "She can't sleep 'thout it!"

Bobby: Faced with a scruffy plastic doll face, Bobby scrunched up his nose, then leaned in and gave it a forehead peck. "There!" He wondered if it was one of those sleeping dolls and gave its eyeball a poke.

Rogue: The dolls head bobbed and Rogue yanked it away, "Don't poke out our baby's eyeball! Tha's mean!" She did give him a fond smile though once she had the baby cradled again. "When'll y' be home fr'm evilin'? Gon' have dinner ready."

Bobby: "Dinner?!" He perked up and forgot Superman for the time being. Wait. "I'm not evil! Mr. Freeze was jus' sad 'cause his wife died..."

Rogue: "But he killed e'rybody! Tha's worse'n sad an' mean!" She dropped the doll and walked over to the toy kitchen, grabbing a pot. "Dinner," she exclaimed with glee.

Bobby: Bobby frowned, thinking about this. Before he could grasp why all this sounded familiar, he lost interest. "Dinner!" He got up to inspect this imaginary feast.

Rogue: Rogue put plastic corn on a plate and handed it to him then put the empty pot on the stove. "Cookies an' cupcakes f'r dinner! 'Less'n y' want sumpin' else?" She stirred the air in the pot. "Could make peppermint soup f'r Freeze-man!"

Bobby: "How about mac and cheese?" He accepted the plastic plate of plastic corn and gave it a sniff.

Rogue: "...Y' don't like sweet stuffs?" She frowned as she stared into the pot. Mac and cheese shouldn't be too hard to make, so she picked it up and dumped the 'contents' in the toy sink. "Okay! Mac an' cheese!" Rogue gave it two stirs then turned and handed him the pot, too. "Eat up, husband!"

Bobby: "I like sweet stuffs! But who doesn't like mac an' cheese?" He juggled the plate and the pot. "You gotta eat it too!" Wait, did she just call him her husband?

Rogue: "We c'n share! Tha's lots o' food!" Rogue took another plate and pretended to dish some onto it for herself. "Choc'lit milk'r juice?"

Rogue: She bat her long lashes at him like she'd seen one of the pretty ladies on the TV do. "Or Ah c'n find some wine."

Bobby: "Ooo, wine. Fancy!" He frowned again. "My dad drank beer with dinner..." Bobby blinked at her. "There somethin' in your eye?"

Rogue: "Ah c'n get that! Ah know where some is! Ah saw it afore!" Rogue crossed her eyes to try and see, "No? What'd y' see? Is it a spider?! KILL IT!"

Bobby: "No... you were... blinkin' lots." Bobby moved closer to inspect her eyes. "You saw beer?"

Rogue: Rogue leaned in and opened her eyes wide so he could see. "Ah saw purdy gals do that on th' TV f'r their husbands! Kill th' spider!" She blinked after a few seconds because she had to, then tilted her head. "Beer? Yeah! An' a big ol' bottle that Mr. Tony likes t' drink from. It smells good. Like him," she blushed a little bit and giggled. "So, Ah could get that, too!"

Bobby: "There's no spooder." He booped her nose instead. "Yeah... that sounds good. Always wanted to try that beer... my dad says no."

Rogue: Rogue wasn't sure why, but she wrinkled her nose on instinct and then giggled, "Ah like that." She dropped the toy plate and picked Bobby up under the arms, lifting to be a little above the ground. "Mr. Tony keeps his stuff in secret spots. But Ah saw him get some when he thought Ah'z nappin'."

Bobby: Bobby eeped when she picked him up, but he was getting pretty used to it. He wrapped his arms around her. "Flying is soooo cool."

Rogue: "If y' like flyin' Ah could teach ya. ....I think?" She hugged him tight and made zooming noises with her mouth as she veered around corners and down the hall towards the office where she had seen Tony pull things from a desk.

Bobby: "But... I just get freezy..." The hugging was kinda nice and he giggled at her sound effects and added some pew-pew guns to it.

Rogue: "Oh. Nevermin' then!" Rogue giggled at his added sounds and landed them in front of the door. "Here! He hid some stuffs in here! We c'n be real growed ups like him!"

Bobby: Bobby knew better than to knock. They was sneakin! So he used his powers... "There's nothin' warm inside..."

Rogue: Rogue just stared at him in awe, "How'd y' do that?! Ah wanna try!"

Bobby: "I can just... tell. I can see stuff in hot and cold." He shrugged and booped her nose again, and this time left his finger there for a moment.

Rogue: Her eyes crossed as she looked at his finger, then long blinked and looked up at him and gasped, "Y're pretty colors!"

Bobby: Bobby felt his face heat up... there was something about the way she was looking at him. "Ummm.... thanks?"

Rogue: Rogue got a nervous flutter in her tummy at the red in his face. "Ah like it." Her hand came up and she linked her pinky with his, "Um... Ah like it," she repeated.

Bobby: "Yeah?" He leaned closer and booped her nose with his own.

Rogue: A grin spread across her face and her right foot started shuffling a bit. "Yeah..." Rogue bit her lip to try and stop the grin before he saw it. He might make fun of her for it! But he was so close to her that she giggled a bit, making her tummy flutter again.

Bobby: He saw the grin anyway and returned it. This close up, her big green eyes were really pretty... like the best marbles in the jar.

Rogue: Oh... That was good... "Bobby..." She covered her eyes after the pretty ladies bat their eyes at the cute boys... "Ah don't know what t' do now," she whispered.

Bobby: "...aren't we getting the beer?" Bobby looked from her face to the door.

Rogue: "Uh huh." She blinked at him, then untangled her pinky from his and went to the door. Rogue used the color chart power and nodded. "Y're right. Nobody's home!" She opened the door and tip-toed in, "Shhhhh. We's huntin' beers."

Bobby: "Be vewy vewy quiet..." Bobby followed her in and looked both ways, then closed the door behind him.

Rogue: Rogue put her hands over her mouth and giggled at his impression. "Ah think it was over here some'res..." She put her hands on the drawer handle, poked her head up to look for Tony, then yanked it open. It popped out of the desk and she fell backwards onto her bum. "Oopsie..."

Bobby: "Whoa, big drawer!" He stood on tiptoe to look inside, since it'd rattled when she opened it. "Whoa... big bottles..." Then he looked down at Roguey. "Your butt okay?"

Rogue: "Ah think so?" She rolled onto her hands and knees and looked over her shoulder at it. "It look okay?"

Bobby: Bobby was pretty sure he shouldn't be looking at her hiney, but he did it anyway. "It looks good to me!"

Rogue: "Thanks!" Rogue pushed herself up to stand and toddled over to stand on her toes and look in the drawer. "Ah thiiiiiink it's this 'un," she pointed to a bottle that was two-thirds empty. "S'what Ah 'member anyway."

Bobby: "Okay." He nodded to himself and reached into the drawer, picking out the sloshing bottle. "Beer's fizzy. This don't look fizzy..."

Rogue: "Fizzy?" Rogue frowned and poked the bottle in his grip so it sloshed again. "But that's what Mr. Tony drinks an' it's never been fizzy... Oh!" She perked up and danced back and forth on her toes, "Smell it! Ah bet y'll know it then! Smells like growed up stuffs!"

Bobby: Bobby unscrewed the cap, taking a couple of tries to get it started. When he took a sniff, he squeaked without meaning to. "Fire!"

Rogue: "Fire?" She tilted her head and frowned at him, confused. "T'ain't fire. S'liquid."

Bobby: He just tilted the bottle toward her to let her get a good snort of it.

Rogue: Rogue squawked and fell backwards again. "Hot!"

Bobby: "I tol' ya!" Bobby giggled despite himself and looked into the bottle, holding it far away from his face. "S'not beer."

Rogue: "Why's Tony drink that? S'hot!" Rogue rubbed the palm of her hand in a circle on the end of her nose, trying to make it feel better. "Wha's beer smell like?"

Bobby: "Kinda like weird bread..." He took a more measured sniff this time and looked around. Maybe he could get a little out and try to freeze it!

Rogue: "Ewww... Why's y' dad wan' drink weird bread?" Rogue's nose was all scrunched up while she thought about that. "Ewww," she repeated and stuck out her tongue, "Yech."

Bobby: "I dunno, he likes it. Like I said, he won't let me try it." Bobby spotted a cup full of pens and set the bottle on the desk, climbing the chair to reach the cup and dump the contents.

Rogue: Her head titled again as she watched him. "'Cha doin'?"

Bobby: "Science!" He blew into the cup, sneezed at the dust, then thunked it down to pour some of the fire into it.

Rogue: "Science?" She climbed up behind him and looked over his shoulder. "B'ess you." Rogue watched the liquid slosh into the cup, "Looks like dinner. S'what Tony says 'nywayz."

Bobby: "That's not delicious mac and cheese..." Bobby tried to freeze the yellow liquid. "Kinda looks like pee..."

Rogue: Rogue made a face at the cup, then at Bobby, then back at the cup. "Ah dun' wan' drink tinkle! That's groooooss!"

Bobby: "Well it's not pee, it just looks like it...." He tried harder to freeze the liquid. Weeeeird. "Pee'd freeze, for one." Bobby nodded. He knew all about freezing pee.

Rogue: "That's what y're doin'?! Whhhyyyyy?"

Bobby: "I wanted to see if it'd work!" Bobby gave up and picked it up for another sniff. "Smells freezy... but not." He tipped the cup and stuck his tongue in the liquid.

Rogue: Her eyes got huge as she watched his tongue dip into it. "Isithot?!"

Bobby: "No? Ish... kinna'num," he mumbled, tongue still in the cup.

Rogue: "Num? Really?" Rogue leaned in close to try and smell it again. "Not hot in your mouth? Just the nose holes?"

Bobby: Bobby decided to take a gulp and choked, coughing and smacking the desk.

Rogue: Rogue gasped and scooped him up, patting his back and bouncing him. "Bobby! Don't die! Ah need y' alive!"

Bobby: "I'm not dyin'!" he gasped, and NOW his mouth felt like it was on fire, so he fanned it. That didn't help the burn that went all the way to his belly.

Rogue: Rogue set him down gently and stuck her thumb in her mouth because she wasn't sure what else to do, just watched him with huge, worried eyes.

Bobby: After a minute or two, his wheezing stopped and he blinked at her with watery eyes. "I'm fine," he croaked.

Rogue: She blinked at him for a minute then offered her free hand to him. "Hot fire?"

Bobby: "Kinda." He took her hand and picked up the cup with his other, giving it a sniff again. Then, he held it out to her.

Rogue: Rogue pulled her thumb out and wiped it dry on her pants before taking the cup. "Ah'm scared... S'it hurt?"

Bobby: "Kinda burns, but it goes away fast." He shrugged and smacked his lips. "Tastes weird."

Rogue: Cautiously, Rogue poked her tongue into the cup, keeping her eyes on Bobby because she was afraid to look at what she was about to taste. But, because of that, the cup tipped too far and sloshed into her mouth. Her eyes went wide as it rushed down her throat and she started coughing and squeezing Bobby's hand.

Bobby: Bobby wriggled over to her and wrapped his arm around her, patting at an awkward angle. "Whoa! Too much!"

Rogue: "Ouchies," she whined, blinking to try and clear the tears from her eyes. But she wasn't crying, so she wasn't sure why her eyes were leaking. "Ah feel warm... Not hot."

Bobby: "Yeaaaaaah, me too." He picked the cup back up and gave it another sniff.

Rogue: Rogue leaned in to sniff, too, bumping Bobby's head when she leaned too far. That made her giggle, then she stopped and looked at him, then giggled again. "Dinner?"

Bobby: "It's realer than the mac and cheese," he shrugged, then took another cautious drink. It burned, but not as badly. "It got better!"

Rogue: "...How's it get better?! S'magic!" Her big green eyes blinked at the cup. "C'n you read yet?"

Bobby: "Yeah! 'Course I can!" He decided if it was magic he needed some more.

Rogue: She held the bottle up to trade him for the cup, "S'it say magic anywheres?"

Bobby: Bobby took the bottle and frowned. "Who's Glen Fish?"

Rogue: "Ahunno." She took a better drink than before, but still choked a tiny bit. "Wait," she squeaked in fear, "is this his magic?! Not Tony's?!"

Bobby: "Iunno..." He cocked his head at the bottle. "Maybe it's like quidditch? So that's magic!" Bobby sniffed from the bottle again and then tipped it back for another drink.

Rogue: "Wuzzat?" Rogue watched him drink from the bottle and giggled. "S'better now. Is a warm fuzzy nice."

Bobby: "Y'dunno what quidditch is?" Bobby's mouth made a perfect O.

Rogue: Rogue's eyebrows went up and she gave him a confused look, "Um.... No? 'm Ah supposed t'?"

Bobby: "It's a magic game from Harry Potter!"

Rogue: She gasped and took a teeny drink. "Ah like games! Teach me!" That didn't burn or make her cough, so she took another one, a tiny bit bigger.

Bobby: "Y'need brooms..." He looked around the office, then shrugged. "But you can fly without a broom, so you're already magic!"

Rogue: Rogue's eyes lit up and she giggled, "Ah'm magic! Y're magic! Ah love magic!"

Bobby: "I'm freezy magic! You're fly-y magic!" He held up the bottle to toast like adults did on TV.

Rogue: "Ah'm sucky magic!" She frowned, "No. That sounds like a bad word..." Then they were toasting and she squealed gleefully, "Yay magic!"

Bobby: "Naaaah, you don't sucky me!" Bobby clinked the bottle with the metal cup and took another drink.

Rogue: "But Ah did! Y' were pretty colors earlier!" Her smile faded, "But not anymore. It woreded off..." Rogue took a big drink and wiggled her shoulders, enjoying the tingly feeling as it went down to her tummy.

Bobby: "You wanna see 'em again?" He plonked the bottle town and scootched closer to her.

Rogue: "Y'll lemme do it 'thout runnin' 'way?" She was in awe of that and smiled at him, clutching the cup nervously.

Bobby: "Well yah..." Bobby gave her the blink blink.

Rogue: "But why?" Rogue mimicked his expression unknowingly.

Bobby: "Ya can't hurt me." Duh, right? He reached over and tapped her nose with his bare finger.

Rogue: "Hee!" She wiggled in excitement, then set the cup down and crawled closer to him. Her constantly bare hand reached out for his, "Let's play Aladdin. Do y' trust me?"

Bobby: "'Course I trust you... you're my best friend!" He grinned at her.

Rogue: Rogue felt her face get hot and she giggled again. She grabbed his hand and held on for a few seconds before something happened and then he was pretty colors again! "It's so pretty!"

Bobby: "I'm glad I'm pretty," he giggled, patting her hand with his free one.

Rogue: She smiled at him and leaned over to rest her head on his shoulder, "Ah like this dinner."

Bobby: "Meee toooo." He hiccuped a little.

Rogue: The hiccup made her giggle and she settled down on the desk, wrapping her arms around her waist. "Now that we've had dinner an' our baby is s'eepin', we should hide under covers like on th' movies."

Bobby: "But... we don' have any blankies..." He looked around the room.

Rogue: Rogue pulled Tony's hanky from her pocket with a shrug. "Ah got this? Is mah blankie right now."

Bobby: "I dun think we'll both fit under that..."

Rogue: "Um..." She frowned and sighed, "Ah dunno..."

Bobby: Bobby stared at it with narrowed eyes and then jumped down, nearly faceplanting. When he recovered, he went to the sofa on the other side of the desk. "Hey! Over here! Blankie!"

Rogue: Rogue squeaked, worried for Bobby until he started walking again. "Blankie!" She scootched to the edge of the desk and jumped down, nearly faceplanting just like he had. That made her laugh so hard she couldn't breathe. Once she got a breath, she stood up and zig-zagged her way to Bobby. "Blankie," she repeated gleefully. "Yay!"

Bobby: Bobby giggled because Roguey was giggling and couldn't stop.

Rogue: His giggling made her stop giggling because she was confused why he was giggling, but then her giggling started again. Rogue tried to crawl up onto the sofa but couldn't because her giggles were making moving hard.

Bobby: He reached over the edge of the sofa to haul her up, but wasn't strong enough and nearly tipped over on top of her, giggling all the while.

Rogue: Rogue squeaked in terror, then started giggling again. Her hands crawled up his arms to help herself climb up. Finally, she flopped onto the couch with him, completely overwhelmed with her giggles.

Bobby: Bobby wrapped his arms around her, still giggling. It was fun to cuddle something so wriggly!

Rogue: She snuggled into him and squirmed to try and reach the blankie at the same time. "What d' we do next?"

Bobby: "Um... Iunno?" He knew enough to help her with the blanket, which was fuzzy. Fun!

Rogue: Rogue giggled and nuzzled under the blanket, squirming the whole time. "Looks like they dance on th' TV, but that sounds silly!" Which, of course, made her giggles worse.

Bobby: "I can dance!" Bobby may have attempted the cabbage patch under the covers.

Rogue: Rogue ducked and wriggled away from him until her back was pressing into the back of the sofa. "They dance t'gether, silly! Like this!" She grabbed his fists to make him stop moving his arm, then snuggled up close and started trying to do the wop while lying down.

Bobby: "They do?" Bobby was pretty good at doing as he was told, so he tried his best to copy her moves, but it was tricky without falling off the sofa.

Rogue: "Well, yeah! Looks like they're one lump 'steada two!" She clung to him to keep him on the sofa, giggle fit starting back up all over again. "Don' fall! Y'll take th' blankie with ya!"

Bobby: "One lump or two!" He giggled too, hanging onto her and flinging a leg over her hip.

Rogue: "Be," she giggled, "our," she snorfled, "guest!" Rogue was having too much fun trying to do the wop with Bobby and completely forgot about anything else.

Tony: Tony was never so glad to be an absent parent as he was right now. He'd missed all of this with Hope, and he had zero regrets. At least right now. This was bullshit.

Bobby: Bobby was game to sing along, joining in and realizing he was also in a great position to tickle his best friend. So he did.

Rogue: Rogue squealed and squeaked and squirmed, trapped by his leg and his arms. "We're gun' lose th' blankie," she gasped between giggles.

Tony: It was time for a break from super-powered children, meaning he intended to lock himself in Xavier's office and have a drink. He stopped just outside the office door, hearing something from inside. Was that... giggling?

Bobby: "Nuuu, we need that!" He grabbed the edge and flung it over their heads, overshooting his mark and landing half on top of Roguey.

Rogue: That made her giggle even more when he flopped on top of her. "Mah head feels like it's a b'loon!" Rogue grabbed part of the blanket and held it above her head with one hand and tried to tickle Bobby with the other.

Bobby: "Don't let it float away!" Bobby tried to help her with this important quest and ended up nose to nose with her.

Tony: Giggling and kid voices in a closed room were not a good combo, so Tony opened the door quietly. Why was the scotch open on the desk? He hadn't left it...

Tony: Fuck.

Rogue: Rogue's eyes got big and she got very still and quiet when his nose was touching hers. And then suddenly, she was giggling again. "S'gonna fly 'way! Like colors on th' wind! Wheee!"

Tony: He should get himself checked for an X gene again, since Tony was pretty sure he teleported across the room to whip that blanket off of -

Tony: Fuck. "Ah..." Brilliant start. "Am I... interrupting something here, kids?" Fumes. There were scotch fumes coming from the toddlers. "I might have to call CPS on myself here..."

Bobby: Bobby: He eeped and scrambled, faceplanting right on top of Roguey.

Tony: Tony closed his eyes and counted to ten.

Rogue: Rogue squeezed her eyes shut when she got a face full of Bobby's face and got very, very still. She wasn't sure what CPS stood for, but she knew it was bad. The news lady said so. Once she decided what to do, she went from zero to sixty, escaping from under Bobby and zooming to hide under the desk. "Ah dun' wanna go t' jail!"

Rogue: She scrambled for the hanky in her pocket and jammed her thumb into her mouth, trying hard not to cry.

Bobby: Bobby knew that on TV it was always the guy who went to jail. He froze. Not literally, but figuratively, his eyes huge as he looked up at the adult president person. Help.

Tony: "What?" Rogue moved so fast he jumped, then spun around. Where'd she go?! "Jail?"

Rogue: "CPS sends people to jail," she wailed around her thumb, still curled up in a ball under the desk. "Ah'mma run 'way 'fore they send me t' jail!"

Tony: Oh. He dropped down to cock his head and peer under the desk, thankful this was not the Resolute Desk today. "Nobody is going to jail." He thought about this. "Well, in this situation it'd actually be me, but I can pardon myself. Maybe."

Rogue: Rogue's eyes went the size of saucers and she flew at Tony, wrapping both arms around his neck and holding on for dear life. "Noooo," she cried. "Y' cain't leave meeeeee. Y're mah frieeeend!" Then she got an idea, "Bobby! Freeze his feets t' th' floor!"

Bobby: "I'm not gonna freeze the president!" Bobby squeaked from the sofa. He then pulled the blanket back over his head.

Tony: "Good answer, boy Elsa," he tossed over his shoulder. Now with his arms full of baby girlfriend - drunk baby girlfriend - Tony had no idea what to do. "I'm not leaving."

Rogue: "But... but... Y' said y' were gonna go t' jaaaaiiiiiiiil." Rogue leaned back to look him in the eyes and hiccuped. "Bobby's a coward, but Ah ain't! Ah c'n make 'im share an' then Ah'll freeze y'r feets t' th' floor!"

Tony: "That's not - no one is going to jail." He put on a grin. "Look, I'm just joking. Silly Tony!" Those big sad green eyes were tugging at his heartstrings. Dammit.

Bobby: "Hey! I'm not!" The blanket was offended.

Rogue: "Promise," she sniffled and hiccuped again. "Promise promise?" Then Rogue frowned and stuck her tongue out at the blanket, "Are too!"

Tony: "Promise promise promise." He nodded solemnly. "Cross my heart." He nearly lost his composure at her sass and fought a smirk.

Bobby: "Am not!" The blanket was stubborn.

Rogue: "Hope t' not die, 'cause then Ah'd be extra super-dee-duper sad?" She started to turn her eyes back to Tony, but then the blanket got an attitude. "Ah'mma whoop y'r butt, blankie!"

Bobby: "...I thou' ya liked my butt..." The blanket was whiny.

Tony: "Okay! Up we go!" Tony picked Rogue up and settled her on his hip, going over to the scotch bottle and finding the cap, screwing it on one handed.

Rogue: Rogue snuggled into Tony and glared at the blanket, "Not when it's bein' a stinky poopy head!" Then she was distracted by Tony closing the bottle, "Hey! That's dinner! Bobby! He's takin' dinner!"

Tony: Technically that would be a stinky poopy butt. He opened his mouth to share this wisdom, then closed it. "We can do better than this for dinner." He looked over to the kid under the blanket. "I can get the Secret Service to do a Door Dash for us and get Happy Meals in ten minutes if we keep this little situation just between us chickens."

Rogue: "Happy Meal!!" She mimed locking her lips shut, then pointed at the blanket and made a stern face at it, "Bobby! Come out an' keep y'r lips zipped 'r we's gon' have prob'ems! Ah want a new toy!"

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